Kelly Clarkson rocks!!
Check out her cover of
Walkin After Midnight.
Patsy Cline is still one of my favorite artists and
Video is no longer up.... if anyone knows where this can be located let me know!!!!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

To walk the fine line between sanity and mental shutdown!


That's a helluva a title to live up to, but I sometimes think that is where I am. Dad is really sick. He spent four days in the hospital last week. Diagnosis; congestive heart failure. It's like at the beginning part but still.... He still has a lot of pain (stomach he says but it is more like a gastro thing). So dad is back home but still suffers good days and bad. He ended up in the hospital because of a ton of fluid aorund his heart and lungs. They gave him high doses of some med that ended with a rash on his right arm. I have seen severe cases of poison ivy that looked tame compared to this. As of yesterday he has some more of hit creme, ointment, or whatever it is and that is helping.

Ummmm, school. The last month has been really bad, what with dad in and out of the hospital and other things. My grades started sliding. I am sitting at a high B in my two computer classes and this has me greatly distressed. By golly I want A's (except for College Algebra last Summer but I am/was thrilled with that C). It's a nit-picky thing I suppose. But it's all mine!!! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ok, enough of that silliness. So things have just been a little off kilter. I was ahead on all my assignments but I ended up getting behind and now I am paying the price. A-term comes to an end this weekend and I have finals, and papers, and unfinished assignments, and homework, and you see the dilemma. At present, I am in the midst of a break.

Life in general. Women suck. Men are turds. Everyone is either crazy, going crazy, or long since finished their trip to Looneyville. In either event I am just tired of dealing with morons, idiots, and sycophants. Occasionally, I meet this bright spot in an otherwise dim existence only to find out they are using some form of artificial light.

But... but... Mike? Could you be a bit more specific? It sounds to us like you have something you want to unload!

Well, I suppose I could but, to tell you the truth, it would not serve any real purpose. Oh sure, I could point out how someone, whom I thought was a friend, turned out to be a two-faced, lily-livered, gutless wonder but that just doesn't accomplish anything. The urge to strangle this one was strong. Instead, I ran over a random road sign (Not really, it was already down but it did make me feel a little better). Just a note for those of you who know people that are teetering close to the edge of being a TFLLGW, lose them.... it's not worth the stress and trouble.

Politics. So now all of a sudden the president wants to work with Republicans? Riiiiiiiiight. In truth he wants to make it appear he is trying to take the high road but the simple truth of the matter is that it is all a political stunt. The Democrats really see the writing on the wall and want to try to appease their base prior to the mid-term elections. I just want to say that I don't trust a single damn one of them, Democrat or Republican. For all that matter I am having a hard time putting any faith in all the talking heads. I don't care what side of the debate they endorse, they all have an agenda and it is certainly not to help me. Can we just pack them off to a deserted island, ala Survivor, and let them sort all this crap out amongst themselves? In the meantime we can elect a new group of legislators that will put the American public ahead of their own personal grab for power.

Religion. Is it wrong of me to say i don't know if I believe in God? At least as it is shoved down our throats by organized religion. I don't mean to say that here is nothing after this, not at all. I just mean to say that I can not believe this is the way it is supposed to be. I mean come on, killing each other in the name of religious zealotry? If that is the way it is supposed to be then I certainly don't want any part of it. I think it would be safe to say that if, and that's a big if, there is a single god out there not a single one of us has it right. The following question was posed to me once; How do you know what is good or evil without God?

Well, I dunno genius? Could it be if it causes someone great pain or suffering then it's probably evil and if it cause great happiness and celebration it's probably good. Bad hurts, Good feels ok. We don't like pain so it should be common sense to not make others feel pain.

I see no reason, whatsoever, to bow to the will of some all-knowing, all-powerful being, that leaves us to suffer and rot despite his call for love, when simply by exercising simple common sense we can accomplish the same goals. On this same vein, I do not tell you what to believe so sure as hell don't get in my face and tell me what to believe. If your faith dictates that you should annoy, pester, or otherwise inconvenience people then buddy, your faith is asking you to be an idiot. Oh, and if your faith says you should kill someone because they don't believe what you do, stop drinking the kool-aid and learn to think for yourself. That is all.

I had a conversation with my English instructor today. some of her other students joined in and it was quite fun so I am going to relate, to you, the basics of the conversation and ask you to join in.

We read Herman Melville's Bartleby the Scrivener in class this week. It is a hard read only because of the language. If you like Shakespeare then you will love this. In any event, if you have not read it then go do it. It's not long at all. The rest of us will wait for you.

So how is everyone doing?

Hey Bill! You get that door fixed? Yea? Good job.

Oh Susan? Yea, can you send Margaret a copy of that meatloaf recipe? Her boys loved it.

Back? Ok. So you read it. I hope you liked it. Well we were talking about who we might like to see play the key parts. Now we never really got past the lawyer (narrator) and Bartleby himself. I suggested Robin Williams as the lawyer. I think he could certainly bring the character to life. And I do expect it to be played with the seriousness that the novella imparts, and most assuredly, deserves. Everyone agreed that was a pretty fair choice. The next step was to figure out who could play Bartleby. That was a toughie but I suggested Tom Hanks. My instructor said maybe Hanks from 20 years ago and that made sense. One of the students from the next class said it should be played by Johnny Depp. That made perfect sense. Since he is known for taking some of the oddest roles this would be perfect. Sadly, that was as far as we got but I think I want to push this one when we meet on Friday. If you have any suggestions then let me know and I will pass them along.

I think that is more than enough for today. I have to get back to my schoolwork. If I don't make headway today I am so going to fail my finals.

Toodles all!!


Monday, February 8, 2010

Old Blue Eyes

Ok, I have to mention it (if I didn't then I would be the only one not talking about it)....

The Colts just blew that game. Really the tipping point was the dropped pass by Garson late in the first half but the slide had already started. The team just did not seem to be in the game. Sloppy attempts at tackling, slowness off the ball, half-hearted routes, and a general sense of malaise. I think Manning summed it up in the post game interview: disappointing.

Don't get me wrong. I am a huge Colts fan, and I do not wish to take anything away from the Saints. The Saints played a near perfect game and certainly looked like they wanted it more. Congratulations to the New Orleans Saints. You guys deserve that win and your dedicated play showed that.

Ok, now that I have that out of my system lets move on.

I am just chilling out at the coffee shop listening to some tunes and surfing around the net. I am not sure what caught my attention but I had the urge to hear some Frank Sinatra. The song, Fly Me To The Moon, was featured in Space Cowboys (If you have not seen it, go rent, borrow, buy, steal it. You will not be sorry). The movie was on the other night and something on the yahoo home page just got me humming it in my head. So I went to iTunes and bought it. It was better than I thought it was going to be, so it is now officially in my rotation. I am presently look at some Dean Martin (Another Rat Pack member). I will have to see what catches my eye (That's Amore will most certainly end up in my collection I am sure).

So what does all this have to do with anything of any importance?

Well, nothing really.

For some odd reason it made a connection to a poem I read for English the other day (Powwow at the end of the world by Sherman Alexie). As I have a profound respect for Native Americans (American Indians, or whatever you choose to be called) I found the poem very touching. I will not spoil it for you but I would urge everyone to find it (It can be found online in many places) and read it... in fact read it a couple of times. Then look up the information about the Spokane tribe and the relationship they have with the Grand Coulee Dam. For those, amongst you, that have a soul you might find this enough to bring, at the very least, a tear to your eye.

Now, how about this connection. I can't tell you. The two things are so far apart one might as well be here and the other on the, ummmmm, moon. My mind makes the strangest of tie ins these days. I suppose I could blame it on the MS but the truth is that I have always managed to group together the most dissimilar of things at the oddest of times. Kind of like strawberry ice cream and okra (ewww, right?). I have, and always will.

So why Sinatra, and not someone more contemporary? I dunno. I have always liked the old stuff. Sinatra, Martin, Crosby, Webb, Bennett, Cole... the list could go on. Sadly, we just don't have singers like that anymore. I suppose I could try to make a comparison to people from the last 20 years or so but there just aren't that many that I like that much. There are songs here and there that I enjoy but looking at their body of work as a whole, nothing stands out.

So here I sit, listening to Frank sing his heart out. Nearly in tears (Read the poem). Wondering about my life and how will it be affected 5, 10, 20 years from now. The MS seems to be pretty much hanging back (for which I am eternally grateful, as you all might already know) but it never leaves my waking thoughts. Hell, recently I had some disturbing dreams but I really don't want to think about them to much.

I did have a funny dream though. They perfected the ability to transfer the consciousness of a human into robotic bodies (I read an article a few months back along these lines, heh). It was decided that I should have the chance to live forever so I opted to have the procedure done. I picked out a suitable platform, one that was spiffy looking and very sturdy, and went in to have it done. When I woke up though, there had been a small glitch. As a result, I ended up in a toaster and there I was stuck. Want to talk about a horrid existence? That would be it.... forever spitting out toasted bread for other people. hahaha

So there you have it. I talked about the BIG GAME, snuck in something about my english homework, got to talk about Frank Sinatra, and recounted a silly, and oddly funny, dream. Oh, I did mention MS. Just an all around odd day today.

I suppose I could have just skipped posting any of this since, upon rereading, it seems to ramble on, with no real point, and otherwise lacks anything that even remotely approaches memorable. Oh well, I never promised that everything I would write would be witty and/or insightful.

In the final analysis, it is just what was on my mind. Go look up the poem Powwow at the end of the world. It is short on words but god awful long on meaning.

Later taters!


Wednesday, February 3, 2010

44 years later....

Today is my birthday. 44 years ago today I entered this world kicking and screaming. Well, I would like to think I was kicking and screaming but as I recall what my mother told me, I was a quiet baby. Not really a stellar start to my life but by golly it's my start.

So I spent some time just thinking about the where's. You all know them.... were ya been, at, and going. The been part is super easy. Not a lot to discuss on that but easy stuff to catalog. Some of it excruciatingly good (e.g. the day I got married), some of it on the exact opposite end of the spectrum (e.g. the day my mom passed), and off course all the stuff that falls somewhere in between the two. It would be foolish to waste a lot of time wondering about things that might have been different had I made other choices but it never hurts to put a little energy in to it.

Marion. THAT job. The new refrigerator. Divorce. *sigh*

Ok, enough of the past. Where am I now. Certainly not where I saw myself 20 or 30 years ago. I think all told i am pretty happy. Well, except for the MS and other inconveniences but I still have met some very mice and interesting people so there is still some good that has come of it. I am not sure I would trade that for anything but there is a significant part of me that would like the opportunity. Who the hell am I kidding... I would jump all over that one change. Since that is not an option, I just have to suck it up and deal with it.

Out of work. Back in college. Family. Dad. *le sigh*

So that brings me to the final where. Where the hell am I going? To tell you the truth I am having a hard time telling. Now don't think I don't have goals, plans, and a desire to get there but, I had all of those things 5, 10, 20 years ago and look how that all turned out. I guess i am just afraid that despite putting in the effort isn't going to get me where I want to be. There is too much in life that I have no control over and all that shit directly affects me in one way or another. That knowledge is getting to be quite the burden.

Graduate. Get a job. Take care of my MS and Diabetes. Take care of dad. *le frickin' sigh*

I have noticed that with each day it takes me a bit longer to find the will to get up and do what I have to. Oh no, I don't mean it like that. For the record, THAT is never an option. What I mean is that I know what is expected of me but it is getting harder to want to meet those expectations. I get angry fairly easy, usually over the silliest of crap. I just don't care about the things I used to care deeply about. I am tired of being alone.

I think, having just read that last paragraph, it amounts to one thing.

I am just tired.

Nothing fancy. Just worn to a nub. As in the "sick and" variety.

44 years.

When I was 14 I had the world by the short and curlies.

At 24, it was grab everything I could get.

34 rolled up and it was all about the party.

Then the visit from the age-fairy. Have the last 30 years of my life gone by already? I do not think I can put in to words just what feelings that knowledge brings. It is hanging around my neck like an anchor and the water is rising fast. The issue, at hand, is whether or not I want to struggle to free myself or just succumb to it. Hell of a question, don't you think?

Sadly, I do not have an answer. Not for myself and certainly not one for you. Maybe I will wake up tomorrow and the sun will be shining a little brighter, the coffee taste a smidgen smoother, or my feet hurt just a little less. Of course, with my disposition of late I fully expect the sky to be on fire, the coffee to be rancid, and both legs missing.

I suppose there is no where to go but up. Anyone have a ladder they can spare?

Happy birthday to me. BITE ME!

Later all! Tip a cow for me.

Monday, February 1, 2010

That's not my name..... (or stupid is measurable)

Just sitting here at the coffee shop, listening to The Ting Tings (go ahead... guess which tune!), waiting for word from the hospital on dad. I dropped him off this morning at 5:45 for a procedure. He has an Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm. According to his cardiologist its not a big deal.


Personally, anything with the word aneurysm in it can't be all kitties and sunshine.

The doctor says its normal for someone his age and it is an easy thing to fix.


Lets see, what else is going on. Taxes. Just waiting for the W2's from the state for my unemployment and I can get filing. I fear I will owe this year and that worries me. I am just praying to break even at this point. We shall see.

School. It is hard this semester. Tons of homework every night. I finally got to the break even point. I am hoping to get a little ahead this week. It is tough to be sure. My MS is being a stubborn mule and making my brain flutter and twitch. Not good given the level of the material for both of my computer classes (Cisco IV and Maintaining/Installing Windows Server Active Directory).

Pussycat Dolls, 'When I grow Up' just queued up. Hmmmm, I guess I will let it play out.

I think I will do ok in both classes but I am not looking for ok. I want the A. I need the A. I... must... get... the... A!

To borrow a line from Monty Python,

And now for something completely different...

Do you ever wonder what people are thinking about. Lets say, for example, you see a girl sitting in the lounge, at school, and just seems to be staring off into the dark corners of her mind. You could assume that she might be thinking about her grades or possibly her financial aid, but that is just to easy. I like to take a less congenial approach.

I like to think she is worried about the fact missed her period, or that she woke up that morning laying next to someone she doesn't even recognize. Maybe, just maybe, that boyfriend she just crushed still has naughty photos of her from that last spring break trip.

Yea, I know, why would I wonder about such happy thoughts?

(Warning: Rant incoming - and this is friggin' long!)
{Consider yourself duly warned!}

I have been watching way too much reality television lately. Jersey Shore on MTV (Moron TeleVision if you don't recall) has become my latest excuse for railing against humanity. I only heard about this show because some Italian-American group (some of you may recall how I feel about hyphen attaching lineage and citizenship, if not then ask.... I could rant all day long about it) had a public hissy fit about it. They claimed that it put Italian-Americans in a bad light because they do not act that way.

Seriously? No, I mean it... SERIOUSLY?

Well if the particular group of people, from the show, do not act that way then MTV managed to subvert an entire community into acting for the show. Honestly dude, STFU. They are moronic bimbos, bastards, and boneheads desperately grasping for their 15 minutes of fame. Already the nude photos are cropping up, they had a look alike contest (do I really need to comment on the fact there are retards [no disrespect intended for the developmentally challenged] who choose to act like that??), and I recall reading that a few of them are looking for careers in Hollywood. Yea, they should fit in nicely with that bunch of attention whores.

My point, if you didn't pick up on it already, is that we, as a civilization, peaked about 100 years ago and are already on that short slide to the apocalypse. We no longer care about where we are heading. In fact, we do everything in our power to get behind the cart of humanity and push it that much closer to edge. Sadly, I am right there pushing it along.

The fecal matter thrust down our throats, called modern television programming (aka Reality TV), is only the result of what the general public thirsts for. The rise, to a station of semi-credibility, of tabloid papers, websites like TMZ, and people like Perez "Fucktard of the Decade" Hilton only shows how simple minded the public at large has become (Of course, this point is only further made by the number of people who bought the load of rhino rocks the President dumped on them allowing him to become the President - That is a rant for another time since that one is deserving of its own special entry).

I think I have finally given in to the 'bright shiny' and as such have joined the masses as they, much like cattle to the slaughter, mindlessly follow along to their eventual doom. Oh, don't get me wrong, I know the bright light at the end of the tunnel is only the oncoming train of ruination but my foot is trapped under the rail so all I can do is wait for the inevitable. Oh, it would be easy to blame other people but the truth is far more simple and undiluted, I am at fault. For myself that is.

As for the rest of the brainwashed masses, well I have one recommendation: Forced sterilization. These people should not be allowed to procreate. The gene pool is shallow enough already without further diluting it with the dregs of society. If dinosaurs walked the earth today, or more aptly a few hundred years ago, these people would have never existed, for long at any rate. Through stupid laws, poorly considered regulations, and the advent of the lawsuit we are no longer a self thinning herd of carnivores. We allow the weak, sick, and just plain stupid to survive into adulthood thereby passing their imbecilic genes on to a new generation. It does not take long for the influx of those SG's (Stupid Genes) to mate up creating a rapidly deteriorating situation. I found the following information on a site that I will not name (Since I wasn't supposed to be there in the first place but I did receive permission to duplicate the basics). (My algebra sucks so bear with me):

SG = Stupid Gene
NG = Normal Gene

SG1+NG1=SG/2 (Meaning the recipient would be half as dumb as donor SG1)
SG1+SG1= SG2 (Meaning the recipient would be twice as stupid as either SG donor)

Now you would think that if one donor SG2 mated with another donor SG2 you would get a donor SG4 but that is not the case. The problem is that Stupid Genes grow exponentially. Sadly the rate of growth is dependent on the level of the donors. Each generation is actually a multiple of the primary donors. It works out like this:

n = the value of the SG's
x = the value of the n multiplied by 1.17
z = 1/4 of the sum of (SGn+SGn)
For statistical accuracy, go out to 4 decimal points rounding using standard rules

So assuming both are SG2 we get this:


If one is an SG2 and one is SG3.5441 we get:


So as you can see, the level of stupidity gets out of hand rather quickly. Now there is some debate as to the correct measure of a level 2 versus say, a level 522.4179. It is generally accepted that a level 2 just does minor things like forgetting your wallet or where you put your keys on occasion (Less than a once per month average). As for a level above, say, 100mil, well many believe that rises to the level of women who were on the Flavor of Love or Real Housewives of Orange County. Recently, however, there have been strides made towards quantifying those numbers into a more standard nomenclature (I do not have access to that information but I am looking).

So as you can plainly see, Forest Gump's mom hit the nail on the head.... Stupid is as stupid does and I have the math to prove it. Now if you want to know how to accurately measure your SG value I can't help you. I do not have the tools, or training but hey.... if you can't remember if you ate dinner last night, it's a safe bet that you are in the upper tier.

Ok, enough of this complete nonsense. If I spent as much time on my homework as I spent on the above formulas I would be ready for my finals already (Still a month off, so don't worry).

I have to go. The hospital called and dad is in his room.

Later taters!!


- Fixed formula errors (SG^(x) is not the same as SGn^(x)) - Without the base value of SG you would not know how to calculate x or y
- The final total for SG2+SG2 was right, I actually mistyped the 2.34 (2x1.17) as 3.34 - This was only an entry error and not a calculation error
- Some grammar issues and one spelling error