Kelly Clarkson rocks!!
Check out her cover of
Walkin After Midnight.
Patsy Cline is still one of my favorite artists and
Video is no longer up.... if anyone knows where this can be located let me know!!!!


Wednesday, October 27, 2010

BOO!

It's not as scary in print as when someone sneaks up behind you and shouts it in your ear.


So Halloween is upon us. I have to be honest and tell you this is my favorite holiday of the year. Does that make me strange? Nope. I was strange long before I placed Halloween at the top of my list. Trust me on this.


What do I love so much about this spooky holiday? Oh, I don't know. Could it be all the goodies? Mmmmmm, could be. Could it be the costumes? Mmmmmm, could be. Could it also be the chance to dress up in outrageous costumes and to scare the living crap out of people without being committed to a mental hospital? Oh, most definitely!

In years past (i.e. when I lived in a major metropolitan area that had a costume shop that sold special effects make-up and supplies) I used to love to dress up and hand out candy. Ghouls, zombies, general monsterly things. It was all in good fun. Most every place I worked had some type of costume contest so that gave me the chance to dress up for the entire day. Ahhh, the memories.

The best one I ever did was a motorcycle crash victim. I had road rash down one side of my face, a huge bloody gash across my forehead, a broken node, black eye, ground up cheek on the other side.... it was quite gross. I had even gone out to the street and picked up some gravel and embedded that in my 'wounds'. I used a fake blood substitute that remained gooey and red. That way the wounds always looked fresh. I was pretty impressed with my work. It took me about 4 hours to get it just right. Happy with my work I jumped in the car and headed off to work.

You know, I really never actually though about it until I pulled up to the red light. I caught some movement out of my peripheral vision to my left. I glanced over and saw an elderly lady staring, mouth wide open, and flailing at the gentleman who was driving. He looked over and his eyes popped. I politely, and calmly, waved. When the light changed he took off like Mario Andretti at the start of the Indianapolis 500. I could not help but laugh.

Once I got to work it only got funnier. One of the doctors (I worked at a clinical trials research lab at the time) had a minor freak out when he saw me. He thought it was real and upon closer inspection gave me high praise for the job I did. Too good of a job as it turned out. First, they would not let me eat in the cafeteria that day. Too many people complained. Secondly, they would not consider me for the costume contest. They said my costume was too gross. Oh well, I didn't do the costume for the prize (As I recall, it was like a $25 gift card to the company store...). I did it because I could.

That night was Halloween. I redid my make-up as a ghoul. I had a cape, with a hood, and a large staff. I opened the garage door and hung some blankets and sheets across it about half way back. I then put on a CD of spooky Halloween sounds and set the wife up in the back with the candy. I then set a chair at the entrance to the garage and planted myself there. The kids had to pass right by me to get to the candy. I took a pose that made me appear to be some kind of mannequin and waited. It did not take long. I would wait for the kids to go by me, and many stopped and looked at me first, and then while they were collecting their spoils I would quietly get up and stand between them and the exit out of the garage.

Hilarity, of the highest order, quickly ensued. Most of the kids would turn around to leave and find me standing there and totally freak out. The older kids were the funniest through. Several dropped their bags and made a break for it. One even dropped to the floor and curled up in the fetal position screaming. Fun times. I did, as a matter of point, not move when small children came up. I didn't think making them pee in their costumes would be very nice.

Except for one kid. He was probably 6 or 7 and before he got his candy he stopped to look at me. He started poking me, I suppose to see if I was real, really hard. I groaned and simply reached out for him. He dropped his bag, started screaming at the top of his lungs and bolted for the street. Before his mom could even stop him he made a hard left, at the bottom of the driveway, on to the sidewalk and proceeded to run as fast as he could down the street. I really felt bad about that. While I can not say for sure, I think I can safely assume that his costume was ruined.

Fun, fun times.

Halloween is fun. It also falls on a Sunday this year. The local religion mongers want the trick-or-treating done on Saturday night. Meh. That is an argument I really don't want to get into. Suffice it to say it's a stupid idea.

Halloween. My favorite time of the year. Candy, costumes, and general spookiness. Fun times I tell you.... fun times.

Toodles all!!

Mike

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Snack foods and me (I, me, I, me..... whatever).....

Well hello out there. Once again I am way behind on a new post and no one thought to remind me. Sorry about that but September got crazy right after my last post. I will cover the two incidents, ever so briefly, and then move on to the main reason for posting today.

First: Fall semester started. It has been wacky funness (and yes, I know that's not a real word..... sue me already!). Made it through mid terms with nary a scratch.

Second: Dad is back in the hospital, and has been since September 20th. He has beeen moved in and out of CCU twice. He is doing ok, not real well and most certainly not great. Stable. That is a good way to put it.

Ok, now that I have that out of the way, lets get on to Snack foods.

It is no secret that I harbor a secret infatuation with the most noble of food items. The lusciously delicious, the salty, crispy goodness that is.....



BACON!

Who doesn't like bacon?

I mean come on, bacon makes everything better. Burgers, sandwiches, seafood, steak, tacos, salads, ice cream....

I know, I know. You are asking yourself, "ice cream?!" but I'm telling you it's good. How can it not? On with the listing.

....bbq, pork chops, and you get the idea. Bacon makes everything better.

What's that? Does bacon make veggie burgers better? Well lets apply the rules of logic and see how it works out.

First, and perhaps, most importantly, veggie burgers are normally eaten by people who are afraid to act carnivorous. As such they would not consider adding bacon to that particular food product. With that being said I think I can say, with utmost confidence, that any food product designed for the herbivore set can only be improved, and quite vastly I might add, by the inclusion of fried strips of pig flesh. Lots of strips. In fact, so many should be applied as to utterly eliminate any taste other than that of the bacon itself.

Secondly, and nearly as important as the first reason, why the hell are you buying veggie burgers AND bacon. For the love of all that is holy and right in this world, if you are buying bacon then you should also have many packages of ground up bovine tissue waiting to be liberally seasoned (salt, pepper, garlic powder, Lowery's Seasoning Salt, worcestershire, and some finely grated onion), formed into medium sized patties (about 1/3 of a pound is good), grilled over an open flame until medium well, topped with cheese, lettuce, tomato, and the bacon (fried to a delicate crispiness and drained of all fat).

Anymore silly questions? I thought not. Moving on.

Bacon goooooooooood.

...which brings me to something I found at the store today. I am not sure how long this product has been around but I just found it today so it's new to me. It is a dedicated snack item chock full of a salty deliciousness all its own. Planters Peanuts. And everyone loves peanuts. Well, perhaps not those with an allergy but I am sure if they could survive the eating of peanuts they would love them to. Just my opinion.

"WTH!? Peanuts? have you lost what's left of your minuscule, and so obviously warped, mind?", you must be saying.

Relax. Take a deep breath. Go get a drink of water. All better now? Do you really think, for a single instant, that I went in to that whole discussion of bacon goodness for no reason? Silly you.

Not just any peanuts. Planters Smoky Bacon Peanuts. Allow me a moment of reflection.

.
..
...
I remember it like it was yesterday. I was walking down the snack isle looking for something to snack on tonight. I bent over to snag a bag of Nature Valley Granola Roasted Almond Nut Clusters when I noticed the familiar mascot, Mr. Peanut, staring at me from the next hanger over. It was as if he was calling out to me.

Michael. You have not tasted heavenly scrumptiousness (I know, not a real word either) like my new nuts (Insert your own awkward joke here. Too many for me to pick from).

...
..
.

So I bought them. I mean really? I was going to ignore two of my favorite things? Peanuts AND (by the gods) Bacon!?!? Fat chance of that. The odds of me not buying that package are about the same as Miley Cyrus not turning out like Brittney Spears. Somewhere between very slim and nonexistent.

What can I say. they were GREAT! Fantastic! Out-friggin-standing! Peanuts that taste like bacon. Shoot me now. Life could not possibly get any better at this point.

Well, there was the point at lunch today that the sushi chef told me I need a woman. It was the end of a conversation about a young lady who had come and had lunch with me one day a week or so ago. I knew her when we were both kids (Her parents and my parents were friends) but we had lost touch before our teenage years got rolling. Turns out, she is in my History class this semester. So anyway, Brad, the sushi chef asked if I was going to date her. I informed him she is going on 5 years with someone and I do not, knowingly (funny story on that point, ask me about it sometime), mess around with someone's significant other. That led to a conversation with one of the waitresses, who is not only very good at her job but quite the comedienne as well, which led to something else and so on. Don't take it the wrong way, out of context it sounds mean but it was not intended that way. Brad, and all the people at the restaurant are great people. We spend a lot of time laughing and joking around.

So, bacon flavored peanuts. It's like manna from the heavens. Just don't eat them without some type of drink handy. Water will not cut it. Soda, beer, or perhaps even whiskey. There is more salt, in each package, than 5 large tubs of popcorn at the theater.

Well, this is it for the time being. There is a facebook catfight going on between a couple of friends so I really wanna get back to that. Later everyone and remember what Calvin always says:

Reality continues to ruin my life.

Later taters!!

Mike

PS: I refrain from accepting responsibility for any speeling, grammactical, or punktuachun, errors. If my spell check doesn't flag it then it's not wrong. (Note to self: It may be most beneficial to turn the spell checker back on at some point).