Kelly Clarkson rocks!!
Check out her cover of
Walkin After Midnight.
Patsy Cline is still one of my favorite artists and
Video is no longer up.... if anyone knows where this can be located let me know!!!!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Hiding from reality is not good for you....

For those of you who might have been reading my blog you will notice a rather lengthy absence on my part. I would like to apologize for this. Things have been somewhat less than ideal in my life. Well, that would actually be an improvement, but it is what it is.

First off, I am still dealing with the after effects of my father's passing. November of 2010 really seems so long ago, a lifetime really, but it was less than six months ago. An eternity of what if's, perhaps, and might-have-been's.... second guessing myself and whether or not I did the right thing by my father. Part of me, something hidden deep inside, tells me I was not the son I would like to think I am. Was. I have the more-than-occasional nightmares about that whole thing. I don't really like what I see. When I am awake I have to keep telling myself I did the best I could under the circumstances. I don't always believe myself. They say with time things get better. We shall see.

I am in a relationship with a woman for whom I care very deeply. Even more so than even my first wife. That is saying something. I truly feel like a hole in my heart, one I did not even realize I had, has been filled. Every time I see her I still catch my breath. She is beautiful, funny, smart, and above all else fully accepting of me with all my faults and shortcomings. She is supportive, and has been since my father passed, and loving. I am not afraid to admit that I am in love with her and I want to be with her always. Sadly, right now that is not possible but we are working on it.

School is over. I have completed all of my required course work and I will be graduating on May 5th, 2011. YAY! I am looking forward to that. I did not graduate from high school (I do have a GED though) and I was unable to walk when I graduated from ITT back in 1992. I debated as to whether or not I would walk at the commencement but I have it some thought and decided to. I figure I worked hard for two years, I earned the right to walk, so I will. Also, as it turns out, on April 27th (Tomorrow night) they will be holding the annual Honors Awards Ceremony and I am to be recognized. I feel absolutely astounded that someone thought enough of me to submit my name for recognition for anything but even more so that I was selected.

Even if i don't get the chance to say it elsewhere I will say it here. I would like to dedicate both the Honors award as well as my graduation to both my mom and dad. They both truly believed in education, especially college, and I just hope that they will be with me on both of those nights. I miss you mom and dad but your words got through to me.

As for my MS. It is really acting up with this sudden rush in to summer here in Georgia. The quick change to the hot and humid days is taking a toll on me. I can tell that I am entering an episode. There is nothing I can do about it though. I do not have insurance (I am only working part time). I do not qualify for assistance (Well, the last time I applied I did not but I plan to do again and reapply so we shall see). So pretty much I am stuck with no meds and no help. My doctor dropped me as a patient due to 'non-compliance'. Really? Since I can not afford to pay for your office visit and the cost of the lab work you want to do as well as the cost of the prescriptions (The MS medicine alone was something like $30k+ for a year) then I am in non-compliance. That's just too funny. I have to laugh because if I don't then I might cry. So all the way around I am screwed and the damnest thing is I didn't enjoy one moment of it. I guess I should just go sit quietly in a corner and die.

I still do not support Obamacare, aka Health Reform, but I wonder sometimes if it would not at least offer a doable alternative for people like myself. Of course, I can not mention Obamacare without the following statement: The health Care Reform Act did not actually reform healthcare but only health insurance. They are not the same thing and no matter how many times a liberal tells you this will solve the health care problem they are wrong. They did nothing to solve the health care problem.

So, now that I have rambled on for so long I feel the need to take a break, get some water, and kick the legs out from underneath some unsuspecting elderly person. Well, really only two of those things I am going to do but I will leave it up to you to decide which ones.

Have a great day and don't forget to stop and smell the roses.