Kelly Clarkson rocks!!
Check out her cover of
Walkin After Midnight.
Patsy Cline is still one of my favorite artists and
Video is no longer up.... if anyone knows where this can be located let me know!!!!

Monday, November 21, 2011

Just a quick word....

First, I would like to thank everyone for their well wishes and prayers in what has turned out to be a fairly difficult time.  More than I thought it was going to be at any rate.

I would ask that any additional thoughts and prayers be sent to Pat's wife and child (Kim and Olivia respectfully).  They are in need to the support more than I do.

On that note this has been a rough couple of months.  September 27th was the 5 year anniversary of my mom's passing.  November 2nd was when Patrick passed..  November 12th was the 1 year anniversary of my dad's passing.  That's a lot of shit to have to deal with I can assure you.

How have I been dealing with it?  A lot of crying while curled up on the floor, or the couch, or the bed... you get the idea there.  Also, a lot of reflection as well.  Some of it to when I was a kid (Go back 3 or 4 posts), some as an adult, and a lot in between.  There are good memories, bad memories, and a lot of fun to think about. 

It helps to remember my family members when we were having fun because that, to me, is the purest interpretation of them, or anyone for all that matter.  There was no worry or pain, no hatred or anger, no malice or ugliness.  It was pure raw emotion of the best kind.

I remember the bottle rocket wars; Patrick and I against David and Randy (Pat made the bazooka and I dropped my shot right into their full box of boomers!).... 

Dad joining the neighborhood kids in a game of kickball (That didn't end so well for him but that is another story)... 

Mom indulging me in my drive to be the worlds greatest magician (No matter that it took me about half a deck to pick "her" card).

The poker games, the holiday dinners, the bonfires, the shopping trips..... there is a lot that I remember about them.  Mostly, they just enjoyed life.  It wasn't enough that they enjoyed it though, they each enjoyed it their own way and made pretty damn sure they tried to drag the rest of us along for their ride.  A lot of the time it was great and I never wanted it to end.

Maybe I was a little too selfish in wanting those fleeting moments of happiness to never end and perhaps that they did is the reason they have stuck with me so strongly over the years.  Perspective.  Moving rapidly towards my late 40's gives me a perspective on things that I did not have in my youth (I can hear my dad now; 'Told ya so boy, now get me a beer').  I am now allowed to see that I did not miss much as a child.  Sure, I didn't have the things other kids had, nor did I have the same experiences as them.

I am glad for that now.  My one regret, if you can call it that, is that I didn't have the facilities to get it back when it was happening.  I am happy that I get it now.

Some days are worse than others but I seem to find a way to get through to the  The next one, hahaha, sometimes I wonder.....


Have Myelin? said...

Multiple losses are very difficult to deal with. I have my share. The loss of my daughter rang my bell though.

I am so sorry about your brother. Of course you'll cry and all that rot, I shall say.

You will have your memories, those are the real treasures. =)

Take care of yourself. I am thinking of you.

married with children said...

Michael everyone deals with grief in their own way the only way they can. I lost my mom and thought my world ended and to have lost your parents and your brother I can't imagine. I still can't deal with losing my mom. I will pray for your inner peace Michael I wish I could just take away all your pain. It's hard to see someone hurting like you are even if I can't physically see it I can feel in your words. I don't have any answers for you either wish I did my friend just know we are here always...