This is my life and all that goes with it!

Welcome 2012

2012-01-10T19:32:00.000-05:00

I am glad, in a lot of ways, to see 2011 behind me but I am not totally thrilled to see the start of 2012. My job hunt is not going well, my MS is being particularly difficult, my diabetes is out of control, I have no vehicle, very little money, and to top it all off I am sinking into a rather glorious depression.

Of course, if the Mayans had it right I only have about 11 months of this crap to deal with with.

The reality is that the start of this year is by far the worst start to any year for me thus far. Yes, I am wallowing in self pity, feeling sorry for myself, and pretty much any other cliche you can think up. It's about all I have left.

I still have some friends who are pretty good about checking in on me, trying to keep my spirits up and all that. Many thanks to them. I am not sure how I could deal with all this stress without them being there to provide me with boat loads of support. Thanks!! You know who you are.

I still smoke. Well, when I have the money to buy them but I have still not started up with the drinking (again). Sure, every now and again (read: Once every 2-3 months) I might drink a beer or have a glass of wine but I really just don't want to give up the smokes. With everything else wrong with me I figure the smokes aren't going to be that much worse for me. meh.

My head hurts right now. It feels like someone kicked me in the back of the head with a pair of steel toed boots. I am going to wrap up what I am working on and head to the house. Maybe I will post more tomorrow and maybe not. Depends on how I feel.

Later all!!

Well aren't I the goof...

2011-12-12T17:37:00.004-05:00

Ok, that was the best title i could come up with. It really does kind of suck but it is what it is.

Let me start of first by saying that I am sorry. A few months back someone who reads this blog sent me a couple of gift cards for Winn Dixie Grocery Store. I honestly meant to say something sooner but it has been quite a challenging period.

My sincerest thanks to whom ever (who ever? I always get that messed up) sent me those cards. They were greatly appreciated and used appropriately though I must admit that the cat got quite a bit of benefit out of them as well. Liter, dry food, can food, and flea shampoo (In truth I don't think she was as happy about that particular item nearly as much as I was). Anyway, thank you so very much! Now if you hear about a job....

Which brings me to that subject. I still have not found anything. I have been sending out resumes to nearly all parts of the country (Just so you know there is not enough money on this planet for me to live/work in California, New Jersey, and/or new York). I have sent several out to the Pacific Northwest. I really have no desire to live in Oregon or Washington but if that is where the work is then I really may have to consider it. Of course, lacking a car is going to make all of that suck. I lost the transmission in my truck a few months ago and without a job I could not afford the monthly payment anyway. However, with no transportation it is only going to get harder. Who the hell knows, it's not like I have a real job that necessitates the need for a vehicle anyway. PFFFFFT!

Which leads me to the season. Now I could pitch an unholy fit (no pun intended) about how everything has been forgotten, how over commercialized it has become, blah, blah, blah, but we all know that would be a colossal waste of time and effort. Suffice it to say I no longer like the holidays. My reasons are mostly my own so deal with it. With all that being said.....

I want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas

and a safe and Happy New Year!!!

Just a quick word....

2011-11-21T17:37:00.001-05:00

First, I would like to thank everyone for their well wishes and prayers in what has turned out to be a fairly difficult time. More than I thought it was going to be at any rate.

I would ask that any additional thoughts and prayers be sent to Pat's wife and child (Kim and Olivia respectfully). They are in need to the support more than I do.

On that note this has been a rough couple of months. September 27th was the 5 year anniversary of my mom's passing. November 2nd was when Patrick passed.. November 12th was the 1 year anniversary of my dad's passing. That's a lot of shit to have to deal with I can assure you.

How have I been dealing with it? A lot of crying while curled up on the floor, or the couch, or the bed... you get the idea there. Also, a lot of reflection as well. Some of it to when I was a kid (Go back 3 or 4 posts), some as an adult, and a lot in between. There are good memories, bad memories, and a lot of fun to think about.

It helps to remember my family members when we were having fun because that, to me, is the purest interpretation of them, or anyone for all that matter. There was no worry or pain, no hatred or anger, no malice or ugliness. It was pure raw emotion of the best kind.

I remember the bottle rocket wars; Patrick and I against David and Randy (Pat made the bazooka and I dropped my shot right into their full box of boomers!)....

Dad joining the neighborhood kids in a game of kickball (That didn't end so well for him but that is another story)...

Mom indulging me in my drive to be the worlds greatest magician (No matter that it took me about half a deck to pick "her" card).

The poker games, the holiday dinners, the bonfires, the shopping trips..... there is a lot that I remember about them. Mostly, they just enjoyed life. It wasn't enough that they enjoyed it though, they each enjoyed it their own way and made pretty damn sure they tried to drag the rest of us along for their ride. A lot of the time it was great and I never wanted it to end.

Maybe I was a little too selfish in wanting those fleeting moments of happiness to never end and perhaps that they did is the reason they have stuck with me so strongly over the years. Perspective. Moving rapidly towards my late 40's gives me a perspective on things that I did not have in my youth (I can hear my dad now; 'Told ya so boy, now get me a beer'). I am now allowed to see that I did not miss much as a child. Sure, I didn't have the things other kids had, nor did I have the same experiences as them.

I am glad for that now. My one regret, if you can call it that, is that I didn't have the facilities to get it back when it was happening. I am happy that I get it now.

Some days are worse than others but I seem to find a way to get through to the next.one. The next one, hahaha, sometimes I wonder.....

Goodbye...

2011-11-03T08:04:00.001-04:00

My younger brother passed away last night. He fought long and hard against his cancer. My thoughts are with his wife, Kim, and his daughter, Olivia, who must now move forward with their lives without him.

His presence will always be felt and his memory cherished.

You will be missed by all who knew you.

Patrick Frankovich
11/1967 - 11/2011
Rest in peace dear brother.

The them you love them before it's too late....

2011-11-01T19:17:00.003-04:00

For those of you that have been reading long since somewhere near the beginning you may remember me talking about my mom's death at the claws of cancer (You can read the post here) and again last November with the death of my father (That's here).

My youngest brother was diagnosed in February 2008 with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. There is no known cure and it is always fatal. Well, until about three to four weeks ago he had been doing pretty good. Sadly, with a few back to back hospital stays things took a turn for the worse and he is now a resident of the local Hospice Facility. The staff are taking extraordinary care of him but there is nothing they can really do short of keeping him comfortable and as pain free as possible.

I find it particularly difficult to see him the way he is now but I try to recall the way he used to be. Full of life, humor, and high spirits. I can not help but compare him, as he is now, to my mother and father in their final weeks and days. There are too many similarities that dredge up painful memories.

I know I told my parents that I loved them before they went..... I just didn't tell them enough. The same goes for my brother. It is not enough the utter the words at someones death bed, you have to say it every day. No one knows what the next hours may hold for us, much less that traffic on the interstate or that van backing out of the driveway, so we have to be sure that we are telling those around us how much we love them. Every day we should be doing this. Parents, siblings, children, cousins, aunts and uncles; we should be saying it to those we care about the most.

At the end of the day there is no guarantee that our loved ones will be there to answer that phone, reply to that email, or give you a hug or a handshake when you walk in the door. Just no guarantee at all.

May God take away his pain, ease his suffering, fill his wife and daughter with caring and warmth, and then lead him home to our parents. I love you bro and I'm sure gonna miss you.

Was life better back then?

2011-10-19T16:50:00.000-04:00

As I stated in my last post, although it was just a skosh more than a month ago, I have been thinking about my life as a child a lot. I truly do not remember a lot of of it (I think it is a built in defense mechanism that prevents me from remembering some really ugly episodes..... or my memory just sucks like that) but there are things I recall with an astonishing clarity. Just like watch television with my mom (see my last post).

For example, I remember staying at my Grandma's house in Memphis, both when we would stop by while dad was on leave and some things from when we stayed there while dad was overseas. In case you don't know, he was a Marine. Some of the memories are a little foggy while others play like an HD movie in my mind.

As a very small child, in Memphis for whatever reason, I recall a fall day with mom walking me, and carrying my younger brother, back from playing at the park. It was fall and the leaves had turned several shades or beautiful reds, yellow, and oranges.. I remember a slight breeze blowing, scattering fallen leaves before us like so many small soldiers leading us home. The air was crisp and so very clear, almost like all the bad things had been cleaned out just for our walk. Then there were the trees, tall hardwoods, stretching over the street, waving to everyone with their outstretched branches.

There have been times I have questioned the validity of that specific memory but I have come to the conclusion that in my heart I believe that it happened. As such, it is mine and always will be. Just another of many amazing recollections that seem to revolve around my mom. Not that my father wasn't there by choice, but as a Marine you had duty over all else. There are times I recall. Some good, and others... well, no so good.

While in Memphis again (I really ought to point out this is where mom was from and where I was born) we had all gone to a fair. Oh they had everything you could want. Food, rides, clowns, and animals. While we did the usual fair related things the one part of that day that I remember so well was the Ferris Wheel. It was humongous! Well, to me it was anyway. I wanted to ride it so much and my father agreed to ride it with me. We waited our turn while mom looked on. When the car stopped in front of us the attendant opened the lap bar to let a couple of people off, and then motioned to us to take our places. Once we had he closed and latched the restraint. One by one the cars were loaded with giddy people, adult and child alike, ready to experience the thrill of the ride. I recall us stopping at the very top while they loaded the cars. I was so amazed at how far I could see, and how seemingly tiny those at the base of the ride appeared to be. We waved and the tiny people waved back. Finally, all of the cars were full and the ride started in earnest.

There was music that played while we went round and round. The smell of the foods wafted over us in waves of delicious temptation; cotton candy, corn dogs, sausage. The sounds of happy screams and hearty laughter seemed to envelop us no matter where we were in the progress of the circle. The feeling was more than simple excitement. More like exhilaration. It was pure and true. That is until the moment my father thought it would be cute to scare me a little. I was looking over the lap bar, at what I do not recall, when dad rocked the car. Not s little bit but a lot. My stomach lurched as the car rocked forward and then back. It felt like it would tip over and dump me out from the heights. Then forward and back again. This time it felt like it was rocking even further. I had this vision of it goings all the way around. Suddenly the smells of the food were like ash in my throat, the happy screams turning into cries of terror.

No, this was no longer any fun for me and my father knew it. He rocked even harder. The ride lurched to a stop. Thank goodness, they were unloading people. Only one problem. They started behind us, meaning I would be stuck up there until nearly the whole thing was unloaded. I looked at my father and he laughed. I would swear to you it was the most evil, maniacal laugh that one could ever imagine. In my mind at any rate. When were able to finally get off the wheel of torture my mother came a took me away from the evil that my father had turned in to.

I could not tell you exactly what she said to him, or how he responded, but I do remember the tone. I have heard that same tone directed at me a couple of times in my life. Let me tell you something, I would sooner have had my fingers broken and sharp pointy objects inserted into places they should not go in order to not hear that again. Simple fact.

To this day I will not ride a Ferris Wheel. I do love going to fairs and carnivals still. Though in truth it is more for the food than anything else. You can get everything scrumptious and wonderful on a stick but only at these events. Admit it. Meat on a stick does not appeal to you unless you are walking through a crowded midway on your way to a sideshow or possibly on your way to the 4-H animal barn.

So that is my post for October (But there may be one coming as we get closer to my favorite holiday of the year). If not, then Happy Halloween to you all!!!

I now return you to your regularly scheduled internet.

Retrospective

2011-09-15T17:21:00.002-04:00

You know, I was reading over some of my old posts and having a quiet chuckle (The Condiments one still makes me laugh). I realized that this blog was not just about my life, and MS, and all the evils that attempt to seduce me. It seems to be as much about my view of the world I live in and, to a certain extent, my beliefs about the topics I have discussed.

Now I would be remiss if I did not actually think it wasn't all tied together, no matter how shabbily, in some way. I know that it is, so long as you loosely define a few things, turn a blind eye every now and again, and have the ability to put up with my poor grammar, punctuation, capitalization, and sentence/paragraph structure.

So with that being said I think I need to just look back on my life and see where I've been, take a close look at where I am at, and maybe dare to look forward. I would like to say I will put these down as posts but I think we all know that just won't happen. Not for a lack of willingness but because I just won't do it. I will try.

I came across some MP3's a few weeks back that I had forgotten I had. They are recording of the Stan Freberg 1957 radio show. My mom had turned me on the Freberg way back when I was just a little kid. I still laugh today at some of the bits. St. George and the Dragonet, The Banana Boat Song, Grey Flannel Hat Full of Teenage Werewolves and so many more. The man was way ahead of his time. Of course with voice actors like June Foray and Daws Butler to help him many of those bits are just wonderful and tons better than a lot of the stuff recorded today.

In case you don't know who June and Daws are then you are wrong. If you have watched a cartoon in the last 40 or 50 years then you have likely heard them and just never knew you had. I would suggest a quick trip over to IMDB. You might find yourself quite surprised at the number of voices these two amazing actors came up with.

It wasn't just Stan Freberg though. There were a number of shows she managed to drag me in to. Well, drag might be a wee bit of an overstatement. Now that I think about it I now understand how my love of watching television developed. Shows like Dark Shadows (A soap opera about Vampires.... sound a little familiar?) was a favorite. I remember getting home from school in time for that to come on. We would sit side by side on the couch and watch, transfixed, though for all together different reasons. I watched because it had vampires, deaths (mostly temporary though), werewolves, and all manner of creepy locations as well as sinister things going on. Mom watched because she had some kind of a crush on the actor that played the lead character (Barnabas Collins), Jonathan Frid. I hear they are making a movie version (Tim Burton directing and Johnny Depp as the title character. Should be interesting as long as Burton doesn't Burtonize it too much).

When I get a regular job I may have to see if that is out on DVD and get it if it is.

Speaking of jobs, I am still looking for a full time gig. I keep sending out resumes but I have to call no 'no joy' and the hunt for full time employment. Heck, I can call 'no joy' for hearing from potential employers as well. It is just a giant suck fest. I keep eyeballing this bottle of tequila on top of my fridge but I don't open it. I do not want to get started on that road. Oddly enough however, my smoking as picked up quite well. You would think if I have to willpower to not take a drink I would have the willpower to stop smoking those little sticks of cancer. meh. I need one vice I suppose.

MIAMI!
(Think about it....)

Ok, I guess that is all for now. Stop by and leave me a comment, note, word off wisdom, death threat..... I take them all any more. lol!

Take care everyone and be safe!

I now return you to your regularly scheduled internet.

Job search? Don't you mean disappointment hell?

2011-08-30T15:02:00.003-04:00

Well it has been some time since I posted anything. To be totally honest, as if I am ever anything but that, life has been dragging me down into the bowels of something approaching hell. Oh where to start.....

Health is sucking. Between the diabetes and the MS I am not sure which one will kill me first. They seem to be battling one another for dominance and the war is a back and forth affair that leaves me feeling like roadkill on a summertime south Georgia highway.

The meager wages I do get is just enough to keep gas in, and insurance on, the truck (which Ford will likely take back in a few months anyway), the homeowners insurance paid and the lights on. I did go to a clinic last month and qualified for some stuff but I don't have the money to pay for the $25 office visit much less anything else (oh you know, like groceries for example).

I was fortunate that my brother and his wife helped me out with some necessities and a church friend of theirs gave me a ton of stuff. All that is pretty much used up. I have coffee and toilet paper so all is not lost..... yet.

As the title to this post suggests things are not very promising with the job search. I have spoken to a few people outside of my area (Indiana, Colorado (Yes Sherry, I saw your comment), Florida, and Oregon (Hey! I wasn't going to dismiss ANY opportunity that knocked) but so far I have been getting the same thing from all of them; If you could move to the area we could help you find a job so call us when you get here.

Ummm, guys (and one gal)? If I have the kind of money it will take to move I am pretty sure I would not be looking for a job outside of my area! I don't whether to laugh or cry.

I am really getting fed up with the Great Job Hunt. It is not an expedition I enjoy being on. It is rather odd though. I am sick and I want to work but can't find a job. I don't qualify for assistance of ANY sort (and admittedly it has been more than a couple months since I applied so who knows). I really don't want to have this discussion right now. It just pisses me off something fierce.

Oh, I guess this is all part of that "Change" we were told about a few years ago. No jobs, no help, no hope. Yea, that's change alright but not the kind we so desperately need(ed).

Ok, this just hit me. I know why they still call themselves MTV. It actually now stands for Mindless Television.

So what am I to do? I really do not know. I have really reached the end of my rope. My nerves are frazzled, my hopes are crushed, and my desire to be a productive member of society is slowly shrinking in to a miniature black hole of despair.

If anyone has any ideas I am open to hearing them. Well, as long as it doesn't involve moving to Alaska, New jersey, or Michigan. No matter how badly I want a job there are just some places that I can not bring myself to live.

Ok, I just wanted to post something since it has been about two months since the last one. Hopefully I will have some more to say soon (Of course, since my internet at home as been disconnected due to them getting no money from me) that depends on me having my laptop somewhere I can leach a connection.

Laters everyone!!!

My MS speaks!

2011-06-02T19:11:00.004-04:00

I had this really great idea for a blog all thought out. I was going to talk about the economy, at least as it affects me, and politics, and all that kind of stuff. All of it went poof last night. It's not that I forgot what I was going to talk about, rather my MS has decided it wanted to talk about something else. So without further ado, say hello to my MS.

Good afternoon. I am Mike's Multiple Sclerosis. I have been busy for about the last 24 hours and felt the need to speak to you about what it is that I am doing to him. I hope you find this informative and perhaps just a little bit humorous.

Ok, for the last day, or so, I have really been affecting Mikes ability to walk. I don't mind him going places (e.g. work and grocery shopping) nor do I mind him trying to do chores around the house (e.g. laundry and dishes). I just like to make it really difficult. You see, what I am affecting the most is his balance and limb control.

It is rather funny to see him try to move from one room to another when his balance is off and he can't always control where his right leg is going to go. He bumps in to things quite a bit and I find that extremely hilarious. I fall out into fits of laughter if he is trying to carry something. Take this morning for example. He was trying to carry a cup of coffee. I think he managed to burn himself two or three times just getting from the coffee pot to the kitchen table, all of five feet. Good times.

Of course, if he tries to go up, or down, steps then my sides just ache from all the laughter. I nearly got him to fall over trying to get back in the house this morning. So close. Damn those handicap bars next to the door!!

(Mike's note: That was installed back when my mom was still mobile and I just never took them down. Thank goodness!!)

Stop that, it's all about me today!!

So anyway, he managed to get back in the house without falling over so that was somewhat of a bummer for me. The coward decided to stop moving around so much. No fun for me to have with him just sitting there. He opted to check his email and goof around on the computer a bit so I thought I would play havoc with his right arm and hand. My goodness but he gets so aggravated when he can't type well. Heck, even trying to play solitaire is funny to watch. He can't control the mouse well and the cursor ends up 400 miles from where he was trying to go. You should hear him when that happens. Language my friend, language.

(Mike's note: I admit it, I was cussing like a sailor.)

What did I tell you?? Hmmmm?!

Back to me. Now, I decided to play a trick on him at this point. I started playing with his mind. I would block memories or just make him forget simple things. Mainly, his passwords. Much to my chagrin, he just stays away from the places that I give him the most trouble with. Still, seeing him with his head in his hands trying to remember a password is rather thrilling to watch. For me at any rate.

Hold on, he is thinking about some lunch. I think I will let him get something to eat. Be right back.

I'm back now. Lucky for him he has a supply of the Hormel 90 second microwave meals. I think he is having beef tips. Smells good enough.

Now balance and memory are not the only things I am messing with. I opted to reduce the strength on his right side as well. It makes for fine entertainment for me. He has a tough time even getting out of a chair. Hell, even sitting down can be enjoyable when he doesn't know if his leg is going to hold up and he forgets to put his weight on his left side. He doesn't know it yet but I have been toying with his left side as well but not anywhere close to the level I play with his right side.

It's not that I don't like him. He is a nice enough guy. Tries to be helpful and considerate. I could tell you stories about him helping total strangers out of less than ideal situations or standing up for people when the time called for it. Thanks to moi he can't really do that anymore. HAHA!

It warms my heart to see him struggle to be himself. Just seeing him try to move is insanely funny but since I am affecting so much of who he is it's like icing on the cake for me. I said it before and I'll say it again..... good times!

Oh, and before I forget, he is going to his niece's birthday pool party this Saturday. I might give him the day off for that. Nah!! There is just too much laughter to be had at his expense.

I guess I will wrap it up here. When he gets done eating he is going to take a shower. Water, soap, and me. This should be a thrill ride of epic proportions!!

Later everyone!!!

Mike's Multiple Sclerosis

(Mike's note: I am so not looking forward to that shower now.)

It's all over but the crying?

2011-05-06T19:15:00.002-04:00

Well, I did it. It took a while, a lot of tears, pain, and many late nights but I did it.

As of last night, I am now officially graduated from college. It was something that my mom and dad both wanted for me, for all of us. They always said that education was a key to a better future and for the most part they were correct. It is a key that opens the door but that only lets you in to a maze of doors, hallways, and doubt. It is still up to you to take advantage of the situation and capitalize on your skills, knowledge and experiences.

Is this the end of my education? No, no it isn't. I still have certifications to study for and take as well as seriously looking at what options are available to me to continue on to a Bachelors in Computer Science. Down the road, perhaps a Masters. I am not sure how that will play out so I have to play it by ear.

In the end, however, I have reached a goal that I set for myself. Reached hell, I exceeded it. I set a goal to graduate with at least a 3.50 GPA. I graduated with a 3.66 GPA. That was great. In addition to that I was recognized as the Outstanding Student in Business Computer Systems. Add to that my membership in one of the most prestigious honors society, Phi Theta Kappa. Then I my graduated Magna Cum Laude. Cap it off with the respect of many of my professors, fellow students, and several of the staff of Darton College.

Whew. That's a lot. Isn't that enough?

No, I want more.

To do that I will have to work harder, try new things, and not be afraid to fail. These are just some of the things my parents tried to tell me about when I was a child, an unruly teenager, and a young adult. It took me falling down just about as far as I could to realize that what they tried to instill in me got through, somehow.

I dedicate my graduation to both my mother, Nancy Frankovich, and my father, Kenneth Frankovich. I miss you tremendously but I hope that where ever you may be you were watching, you are proud, and most of all you are together.

I understand now. Truly, I understand.

Mike

Hiding from reality is not good for you....

2011-04-26T13:24:00.002-04:00

For those of you who might have been reading my blog you will notice a rather lengthy absence on my part. I would like to apologize for this. Things have been somewhat less than ideal in my life. Well, that would actually be an improvement, but it is what it is.

First off, I am still dealing with the after effects of my father's passing. November of 2010 really seems so long ago, a lifetime really, but it was less than six months ago. An eternity of what if's, perhaps, and might-have-been's.... second guessing myself and whether or not I did the right thing by my father. Part of me, something hidden deep inside, tells me I was not the son I would like to think I am. Was. I have the more-than-occasional nightmares about that whole thing. I don't really like what I see. When I am awake I have to keep telling myself I did the best I could under the circumstances. I don't always believe myself. They say with time things get better. We shall see.

I am in a relationship with a woman for whom I care very deeply. Even more so than even my first wife. That is saying something. I truly feel like a hole in my heart, one I did not even realize I had, has been filled. Every time I see her I still catch my breath. She is beautiful, funny, smart, and above all else fully accepting of me with all my faults and shortcomings. She is supportive, and has been since my father passed, and loving. I am not afraid to admit that I am in love with her and I want to be with her always. Sadly, right now that is not possible but we are working on it.

School is over. I have completed all of my required course work and I will be graduating on May 5th, 2011. YAY! I am looking forward to that. I did not graduate from high school (I do have a GED though) and I was unable to walk when I graduated from ITT back in 1992. I debated as to whether or not I would walk at the commencement but I have it some thought and decided to. I figure I worked hard for two years, I earned the right to walk, so I will. Also, as it turns out, on April 27th (Tomorrow night) they will be holding the annual Honors Awards Ceremony and I am to be recognized. I feel absolutely astounded that someone thought enough of me to submit my name for recognition for anything but even more so that I was selected.

Even if i don't get the chance to say it elsewhere I will say it here. I would like to dedicate both the Honors award as well as my graduation to both my mom and dad. They both truly believed in education, especially college, and I just hope that they will be with me on both of those nights. I miss you mom and dad but your words got through to me.

As for my MS. It is really acting up with this sudden rush in to summer here in Georgia. The quick change to the hot and humid days is taking a toll on me. I can tell that I am entering an episode. There is nothing I can do about it though. I do not have insurance (I am only working part time). I do not qualify for assistance (Well, the last time I applied I did not but I plan to do again and reapply so we shall see). So pretty much I am stuck with no meds and no help. My doctor dropped me as a patient due to 'non-compliance'. Really? Since I can not afford to pay for your office visit and the cost of the lab work you want to do as well as the cost of the prescriptions (The MS medicine alone was something like $30k+ for a year) then I am in non-compliance. That's just too funny. I have to laugh because if I don't then I might cry. So all the way around I am screwed and the damnest thing is I didn't enjoy one moment of it. I guess I should just go sit quietly in a corner and die.

I still do not support Obamacare, aka Health Reform, but I wonder sometimes if it would not at least offer a doable alternative for people like myself. Of course, I can not mention Obamacare without the following statement: The health Care Reform Act did not actually reform healthcare but only health insurance. They are not the same thing and no matter how many times a liberal tells you this will solve the health care problem they are wrong. They did nothing to solve the health care problem.

So, now that I have rambled on for so long I feel the need to take a break, get some water, and kick the legs out from underneath some unsuspecting elderly person. Well, really only two of those things I am going to do but I will leave it up to you to decide which ones.

Have a great day and don't forget to stop and smell the roses.

Mike

Happy New Year!

2011-01-20T09:00:00.003-05:00

Well not really but it sure sounds good.

So how is everyone? Good, good. Glad to hear you are all still alive and kicking. I truly hope that things are going better for you now than they were this time last month.

In my case, not too bad and not too good. I seem to be waking up every day. I would say every morning but that would be a lie. It seems that I am having the worst time trying to sleep. Like last night, I think I might have gotten three hours of sleep. That seems to be the norm for me. The weather has a lot to do with it.

Rainy and cold. Rainy and cool. Cold and sunny. Cool and cloudy. Overcast and cold.

Get the idea? Yes, I thought so. The weather is playing total hell with my system and it makes me feel, well, not good. It's not that I feel bad so much but I don't feel good. It's an MS thing me thinks.

Of course, the stress of dealing with the after effects of dad's passing, school issues, and trying to find work is not helping me at all. I have been reminded that it could always be worse. I point out that it could always be better as well.

As if things weren't strange enough already, my 45th birthday is next month. The 3rd of February to be precise so it's really not that far off. Yay, I turn another year older. I think I really stopped looking forward to my birthday about six or seven years ago. I don't like be reminded, for an entire day no less, that I am getting old(er). It would be preferable to stay inside my little bubble of denial for as long as possible. At least on this one point.

All things Multiple Sclerosis. Sucks. 'nuff said.

I signed up for my local MS Walk for this year. Now comes the really strange part. I know when it will be, I just don't know where. The information I got, after signing up, did not way where it would be. I looked over both the NMSS web site and the MS Walk website and can not find anything. I sent a few emails but I am yet to hear anything back. I know where it has been held the last few years but I don't wish to assume it will be there again.

We all know what happens when one "assumes" something.

As the date gets closer I anticipate a flood of emails reminding me and I am sure one, or more, of them will gladly inform me of the location of the event. I am quite positive they would be greatly saddened if I did not make an appearance for the cause. Worst case scenario is that the morning of the walk I will drive around to the obvious places and maybe stumble across it.

Well, that is all I have for today. A rather boring read but I needed to post something. Anything really.

Take care everyone and don't forget to hug you dust bunnies today.

Dust bunnies need love to!

Toodles all!!

Mike

It's that time of the year.....

2010-12-22T08:59:00.002-05:00

Merry Christmas. Feliz Navidad. Frohe Weihnachten. Nadolig Llawen. Buon Natale. Glædelig jul.

The first two are pretty obvious. In case you don't speak a foreign language, or several for all that matter, the next is German, then Welsh, followed by Italian and finally Danish. I must point out that I don't even speak my native language all that well (American English if you didn't know) so don't think I knew those. My thanks to Google Translate for the help.

So what do they all mean?

I suppose that to each of us, while there are certainly some commonalities, it means something different. Parties, gifts, decorations, things, stuff, crap.

I do not like Christmas. I am a self-described Grinch, Scrooge, lump of coal.

"Why?" you may be asking yourself. That is a valid question with a seemingly simple answer.

Christmas has become a season.
(I am not going to get in to the religious meanings or the pagan celebrations over which Christmas was actually layered in order to bring more converts in to the church.)

Listen, I don't pretend to be anything other than who and what I am. That does not change during this particularly horrid time of the year. It is a month long shopping blitz where retailers try harder and harder to separate people form their money. Sadly, the vast majority of our population are sheeple and gladly follow the shinies in to the slaughterhouse. Stop bowing to the pressure placed on us to "spend, spend, SPEND!" and instead focus on what is important.

Friends and family.

What about a visit to that aunt or uncle in the old folks home? Take them a book or a sweater and just spend some time with them. What about that grandmother or grandfather you have not spoken with since you got that birthday card? Give them a call and catch up. What about your brother or sister? When is the last time you just sat and talked about anything? Thought so.

In the end, people don't remember the fancy gifts, or the huge meals, or the decorations (Except you Mom, you remembered all of that stuff!!). Some families have lost loved ones this year, people they will never get the chance to talk to again. Some families have loved ones in far away lands and no clue if they are going to make it home. Some families just don't have anyone other than themselves.

Do not forget that this holiday is not about all the shit you can buy and give and get. It is about the people, the same as it is every year.

Merry Christmas everyone!! Now get off the damned computer and go call a random relative (No, chatting on Facebook doesn't count).

Mike

Life happens....

2010-11-22T13:46:00.003-05:00

First, let me start out by giving my condolences to Weeble Girl and her family. She lost her father quite recently as well. I can honestly say I know what she is going through and it breaks my heart. The passing of a parent is so hard because deep down inside every one of us is that little kid that will always believe that parents live forever.

Life happens.

Oddly, she and I have a couple of other things in common. Diabetes. A very evil disease. My love for all things sticky and sweet was hampered by my need to not go blind, fall in to a coma, or have to go pee every 90 minutes (Which can be especially tough on someone who likes to sleep).

Life happens.

And not to sound like some sicko but she and I have at least one more thing in common. Anyone care to guess? Yep. Multiple Sclerosis. Oh brother.... and here I thought diabetes was bad enough. I know, lets tack on a disease than has many of the same symptoms as well as some exciting new ones (Falling down because I lost my balance is not so much a symptom, in itself, but it is certainly exciting to watch me flail around helplessly as I crash to the ground).

Life happens.

I would tell Weeble Girl welcome to my hell but to be truthful.... I would not want anyone to experience what I go through daily. Sadly, there is a great many of us who do. As I type this I am sitting at the dining room table staring out the window. Well, not actually AS I type... I'm a hunt-and-peck kind of typist. Let me show you what it looks like if I type WHILE looking out the window.

sjrIs pt ekay ur koops lohr,
Translation: This is what it looks like.

Well there you have it. My uber typing skills. Wait a sec, I nearly got the word 'looks' right. For any of you that have read some of my older posts you know that I have trouble typing correctly when I am looking at the keyboard so that should not have come as any type of surprise.

The window. Yep, a nice fall afternoon. Sadly, all I see are the leaves under the fig trees, the tree debris (sticks and pine cones) in the yard, and the fact I missed the last cutting of the year. Oh, and the window is dirty. And the picture next to the window needs to be dusted. And the curtains need to be washed. And, and, and.

Does this mean I am one of those people who has difficulty seeing the forest for the trees? Thought so.

So the holidays are once again bearing down on us like an out of control freight train. Thanksgiving is a few days away, Christmas is a month from then, with New Years riding in on Saint Nick's coat tails. I think I am just going to skip them all this year. No dinner, no parades or football, and no drinking.

Yea, that's what I am going to do. I will have fried Spam this Thursday, Ramen noodles (Oriental Flavor, whatever that is) for Christmas, and sleep through the New Years celebration. Well, actually, for the last 5 years I have been asleep by 9 or 10 so that's nothing new.... but dammit I am going to plan to sleep through it this year... in my bed... with a pillow... and my blankie!

I have one more thought on my mind and I certainly debated if I should bring it up. After much thought and consideration I have decided I will. It concerns people. All people. I don't care what color or sec you are, what religion you practice, or which way you lean politically.

Warning: Some of the language in the following statement may be considered offensive. Deal with it!

I have had enough of the constant bickering, fighting, name calling, and finger pointing. If you can not, or will not, act in a civil manner, towards your fellow human beings, then please get the fuck out of this country. Unless we start working together, and not the kind of working together our politicians do, then everything we love and care for is going in the shitter. I appreciate the fact you have your opinions but so do I. They are not right or wrong and they are certainly not black and white.

Just because we don't agree on everything doesn't mean we can't work towards the common good. At the end of the day, we are nothing more than a reflection of how we treat those around us. If you lie, cheat, and steal you are no better than the thugs on the street or in our jails. If you only care about yourself then you are undermining the very basis of what it is to be human. If you can't see past your own needs then all you do is make the situation worse. Get your head out of your ass and pay attention.

I am not perfect, not by any measure of the word, but I try to be a better person every day. Some days I succeed and others I don't. Can you say the same thing?

Ok, that is all for today. I have a lot of things I have to get done around here. Laundry is at the top of the list. I might even take a stab at that window. Maybe.

Toodles!

Mike

Kenneth Frankovich 1934-2010

2010-11-13T13:28:00.002-05:00

Dad passed away last night, quietly, just after 2am. Once a Marine, always a Marine.... he fought to the very end. He was surrounded by family and I believe he knew we were all there.

He lived a long life and lived it on his terms, his way, his rules. It is one of many reasons why he was so loved and respected.

As it is with all things, death is a part of life. My father was never one to shy away from that fact, especially after mom passed in 2006. He didn't like it, not one bit, but he accepted it... hell, he even embraced it. He talked about it often.

The last time we spoke about his death he told me there was one thing he wanted...

He did not want his death mourned but, instead, wanted his life celebrated. I promised him it would be, and it will.

Dad, I will always love you. I thank you for being there when I needed it, for instilling in me the drive to be a good man, a true friend, and most of all a great son. You are the measure by which I hold myself. I fear I may never live up to it but god dammit I will not stop trying.

May your new path always lead to the arms of your true love.

With love and devotion,

Mike

PS: The next round is on me Dad.

Sadness and happiness

2010-11-09T17:34:00.002-05:00

This post will not mention Multiple Sclerosis a single time.

Dammit.

Ok, this is going to be a little short but long on info.

For those of you who may have been reading this thing called a "blog" for any length of time you will know that I have been taking care of my dad. Things took a decidedly ugly turn and he is back in the hospital. To make a long story short things are not going well. I am not a very religious man, more spiritual than anything, but I am going to ask that if you read this then please say a prayer for him. Thanks!

Now on to some happy news. Again, short but whatever....

I have met what I can only describe as the perfect woman. As most of you who read this are women, no slight was intended. Just in my eyes she is. We have fallen very hard for one another. To be honest I think this is the first time I have ever truly been in love.

Yea, yea, yea. I know I wasmarred for nearly 17 years once before. That is my point.

The way I feel about this woman goes light years beyond anything else. I never thought I would find a true companion, friend, and lover ever again. In fact, I had just stopped looking. I guess that is why I found it. I don't want to get all gooey-eyed all over your monitor so I won't.

Just suffice it to say that this is the real thing. Emotional, psychological, and physical. I love her very much and she loves me back just as much.

Ok, done for now. Hope to be back soon with good, and/or, great news.

Toodles everyone!!

Mike

BOO!

2010-10-27T08:31:00.002-04:00

It's not as scary in print as when someone sneaks up behind you and shouts it in your ear.

So Halloween is upon us. I have to be honest and tell you this is my favorite holiday of the year. Does that make me strange? Nope. I was strange long before I placed Halloween at the top of my list. Trust me on this.

What do I love so much about this spooky holiday? Oh, I don't know. Could it be all the goodies? Mmmmmm, could be. Could it be the costumes? Mmmmmm, could be. Could it also be the chance to dress up in outrageous costumes and to scare the living crap out of people without being committed to a mental hospital? Oh, most definitely!

In years past (i.e. when I lived in a major metropolitan area that had a costume shop that sold special effects make-up and supplies) I used to love to dress up and hand out candy. Ghouls, zombies, general monsterly things. It was all in good fun. Most every place I worked had some type of costume contest so that gave me the chance to dress up for the entire day. Ahhh, the memories.

The best one I ever did was a motorcycle crash victim. I had road rash down one side of my face, a huge bloody gash across my forehead, a broken node, black eye, ground up cheek on the other side.... it was quite gross. I had even gone out to the street and picked up some gravel and embedded that in my 'wounds'. I used a fake blood substitute that remained gooey and red. That way the wounds always looked fresh. I was pretty impressed with my work. It took me about 4 hours to get it just right. Happy with my work I jumped in the car and headed off to work.

You know, I really never actually though about it until I pulled up to the red light. I caught some movement out of my peripheral vision to my left. I glanced over and saw an elderly lady staring, mouth wide open, and flailing at the gentleman who was driving. He looked over and his eyes popped. I politely, and calmly, waved. When the light changed he took off like Mario Andretti at the start of the Indianapolis 500. I could not help but laugh.

Once I got to work it only got funnier. One of the doctors (I worked at a clinical trials research lab at the time) had a minor freak out when he saw me. He thought it was real and upon closer inspection gave me high praise for the job I did. Too good of a job as it turned out. First, they would not let me eat in the cafeteria that day. Too many people complained. Secondly, they would not consider me for the costume contest. They said my costume was too gross. Oh well, I didn't do the costume for the prize (As I recall, it was like a $25 gift card to the company store...). I did it because I could.

That night was Halloween. I redid my make-up as a ghoul. I had a cape, with a hood, and a large staff. I opened the garage door and hung some blankets and sheets across it about half way back. I then put on a CD of spooky Halloween sounds and set the wife up in the back with the candy. I then set a chair at the entrance to the garage and planted myself there. The kids had to pass right by me to get to the candy. I took a pose that made me appear to be some kind of mannequin and waited. It did not take long. I would wait for the kids to go by me, and many stopped and looked at me first, and then while they were collecting their spoils I would quietly get up and stand between them and the exit out of the garage.

Hilarity, of the highest order, quickly ensued. Most of the kids would turn around to leave and find me standing there and totally freak out. The older kids were the funniest through. Several dropped their bags and made a break for it. One even dropped to the floor and curled up in the fetal position screaming. Fun times. I did, as a matter of point, not move when small children came up. I didn't think making them pee in their costumes would be very nice.

Except for one kid. He was probably 6 or 7 and before he got his candy he stopped to look at me. He started poking me, I suppose to see if I was real, really hard. I groaned and simply reached out for him. He dropped his bag, started screaming at the top of his lungs and bolted for the street. Before his mom could even stop him he made a hard left, at the bottom of the driveway, on to the sidewalk and proceeded to run as fast as he could down the street. I really felt bad about that. While I can not say for sure, I think I can safely assume that his costume was ruined.

Fun, fun times.

Halloween is fun. It also falls on a Sunday this year. The local religion mongers want the trick-or-treating done on Saturday night. Meh. That is an argument I really don't want to get into. Suffice it to say it's a stupid idea.

Halloween. My favorite time of the year. Candy, costumes, and general spookiness. Fun times I tell you.... fun times.

Toodles all!!

Mike

Snack foods and me (I, me, I, me..... whatever).....

2010-10-19T15:24:00.004-04:00

Well hello out there. Once again I am way behind on a new post and no one thought to remind me. Sorry about that but September got crazy right after my last post. I will cover the two incidents, ever so briefly, and then move on to the main reason for posting today.

First: Fall semester started. It has been wacky funness (and yes, I know that's not a real word..... sue me already!). Made it through mid terms with nary a scratch.

Second: Dad is back in the hospital, and has been since September 20th. He has beeen moved in and out of CCU twice. He is doing ok, not real well and most certainly not great. Stable. That is a good way to put it.

Ok, now that I have that out of the way, lets get on to Snack foods.

It is no secret that I harbor a secret infatuation with the most noble of food items. The lusciously delicious, the salty, crispy goodness that is.....

BACON!

Who doesn't like bacon?

I mean come on, bacon makes everything better. Burgers, sandwiches, seafood, steak, tacos, salads, ice cream....

I know, I know. You are asking yourself, "ice cream?!" but I'm telling you it's good. How can it not? On with the listing.

....bbq, pork chops, and you get the idea. Bacon makes everything better.

What's that? Does bacon make veggie burgers better? Well lets apply the rules of logic and see how it works out.

First, and perhaps, most importantly, veggie burgers are normally eaten by people who are afraid to act carnivorous. As such they would not consider adding bacon to that particular food product. With that being said I think I can say, with utmost confidence, that any food product designed for the herbivore set can only be improved, and quite vastly I might add, by the inclusion of fried strips of pig flesh. Lots of strips. In fact, so many should be applied as to utterly eliminate any taste other than that of the bacon itself.

Secondly, and nearly as important as the first reason, why the hell are you buying veggie burgers AND bacon. For the love of all that is holy and right in this world, if you are buying bacon then you should also have many packages of ground up bovine tissue waiting to be liberally seasoned (salt, pepper, garlic powder, Lowery's Seasoning Salt, worcestershire, and some finely grated onion), formed into medium sized patties (about 1/3 of a pound is good), grilled over an open flame until medium well, topped with cheese, lettuce, tomato, and the bacon (fried to a delicate crispiness and drained of all fat).

Anymore silly questions? I thought not. Moving on.

Bacon goooooooooood.

...which brings me to something I found at the store today. I am not sure how long this product has been around but I just found it today so it's new to me. It is a dedicated snack item chock full of a salty deliciousness all its own. Planters Peanuts. And everyone loves peanuts. Well, perhaps not those with an allergy but I am sure if they could survive the eating of peanuts they would love them to. Just my opinion.

"WTH!? Peanuts? have you lost what's left of your minuscule, and so obviously warped, mind?", you must be saying.

Relax. Take a deep breath. Go get a drink of water. All better now? Do you really think, for a single instant, that I went in to that whole discussion of bacon goodness for no reason? Silly you.

Not just any peanuts. Planters Smoky Bacon Peanuts. Allow me a moment of reflection.

.
..
...
I remember it like it was yesterday. I was walking down the snack isle looking for something to snack on tonight. I bent over to snag a bag of Nature Valley Granola Roasted Almond Nut Clusters when I noticed the familiar mascot, Mr. Peanut, staring at me from the next hanger over. It was as if he was calling out to me.

Michael. You have not tasted heavenly scrumptiousness (I know, not a real word either) like my new nuts (Insert your own awkward joke here. Too many for me to pick from).

...
..
.

So I bought them. I mean really? I was going to ignore two of my favorite things? Peanuts AND (by the gods) Bacon!?!? Fat chance of that. The odds of me not buying that package are about the same as Miley Cyrus not turning out like Brittney Spears. Somewhere between very slim and nonexistent.

What can I say. they were GREAT! Fantastic! Out-friggin-standing! Peanuts that taste like bacon. Shoot me now. Life could not possibly get any better at this point.

Well, there was the point at lunch today that the sushi chef told me I need a woman. It was the end of a conversation about a young lady who had come and had lunch with me one day a week or so ago. I knew her when we were both kids (Her parents and my parents were friends) but we had lost touch before our teenage years got rolling. Turns out, she is in my History class this semester. So anyway, Brad, the sushi chef asked if I was going to date her. I informed him she is going on 5 years with someone and I do not, knowingly (funny story on that point, ask me about it sometime), mess around with someone's significant other. That led to a conversation with one of the waitresses, who is not only very good at her job but quite the comedienne as well, which led to something else and so on. Don't take it the wrong way, out of context it sounds mean but it was not intended that way. Brad, and all the people at the restaurant are great people. We spend a lot of time laughing and joking around.

So, bacon flavored peanuts. It's like manna from the heavens. Just don't eat them without some type of drink handy. Water will not cut it. Soda, beer, or perhaps even whiskey. There is more salt, in each package, than 5 large tubs of popcorn at the theater.

Well, this is it for the time being. There is a facebook catfight going on between a couple of friends so I really wanna get back to that. Later everyone and remember what Calvin always says:

Reality continues to ruin my life.

Later taters!!

Mike

PS: I refrain from accepting responsibility for any speeling, grammactical, or punktuachun, errors. If my spell check doesn't flag it then it's not wrong. (Note to self: It may be most beneficial to turn the spell checker back on at some point).

Like sands through the hourglass.....

2010-09-09T17:07:00.003-04:00

so are the days of our lives.

To be totally honest, that line, borrowed with great affection from Days of our Lives, has absolutely nothing to do with this post. I just happened to catch the theme last night and I like it. Back when I was in high school, or to be more correct; should have been in high school, I used to watch the show as often as I could. The whole Bo and Hope thing was just too much to resist.

It could have been the fact I spent a lot of time partaking of medicinal herbage and/or the fact that the actress playing Hope,Kristian Alfonso, was just so bloody hot. She was certainly not your typical representation of women on TV at the time. But I so do not want to go down that road in this blog.

(Editors note: She is still an amazingly beautiful woman though she seems to be running on the far side of thin.)

So just what the hell is on my mind today? A lot really.

Politics:

I have been watching the news a lot in recent months and find myself both angered and saddened by the bull I see. I do not think there is enough room on this blog to cover all of that. Suffice it to say that all of the politicians are still talking out of both sides of their mouths, mainstream media is still touting Obama as the second coming (Strictly technically speaking, would it not be the third coming? I mean he was born, then died, and then resurrected three days later. By my count he is already up to two......), networks like Fox and MSNBC are still allowing their talking heads to preach fear and hatred instead of presenting real facts. In the end, they are all a bunch of lying, cheating, hate-mongering bastards who all deserve to be locked in a room together for a month. While they are busy tearing out each others throats perhaps the rest of America can get down to the business of fixing what's wrong.

Ground Zero Mosque:

So If I don't want to talk about politics, what else is there? The Mosque near ground zero. Listen, I think what they want to do is perfectly legal and certainly allowable under our constitution. After all, the country was founded on the basic principle of freedom of religion. Don't believe me? Check up on your history. You might find yourself surprised to find that some of the first, if not the first, organized governing bodies were all about the right to practice religion as each person believed. Does this mean I am in favor of the Mosque? Not quite. While it is certainly legal it is also just as certainly in poor taste.

On this same subject, I have heard many people say that they will be ok with the Mosque when Muslim countries allow Christian churches to be built and Christianity openly worshiped in them. Since when do we do adhere to the tenets of our constitution based on what other countries do? Just as I thought. That document is not there to be used only when it suits us. It is there for the times it doesn't. When we start selectively supporting our constitution then this nation is done.

Like I said, it is in poor taste. Of course, I am not a religious person so all this is, for the most part, meaningless to me.

Burning of the Qur`an, or Koran, or however you want to spell it:

What can I say about this. Moronic. Stupid. Pointless. Asinine. Extremist. Did I mention moronic already? Yep. So If I am not religious why should I bother mentioning it? Just because I am not doesn't mean Muslims aren't. In fact, many are serious about their religion, deadly serious. Is the burning of their holy book going to serve any real purpose? Yep. It will further inflame the radical Muslims, who really do not need another excuse for killing Americans, and only serve to further alienate those moderate Muslims who only want to live their lives in peace. Sure, there are a lot of extremist Muslims out there but that's because the is a boat load of Muslims period. I have not read their holy book, nor do I plan to, but I have read enough stories, reports, op-eds, and news articles to feel certain that some are misinterpreting portions which has led to many of the problems we have. Can this be to blame for all of the hatred spewed at America? Nope, but it goes a long way towards explaining that hatred. Like the Mosque, is it illegal to burn it? Nope. Is it in poor taste? Yup.

And now for something completely different.

(Shamelessly lifted from Monty Python!)

I went to Tampa for a get together with some of my cousins and it was a blast. I have not seen them in years and was also glad to meet their spouses/significant others. I just have to mention Friday night.

It was just Tina and myself, as everyone else was not due in until Saturday, and she wanted to go out for a drink and something to eat. She told me we would go to a real laid back place, sit on the patio (so we could smoke), listen to the DJ, and just catch up in general. Then, once everyone was there, the following day, we would hit up a dive bar. Sounded like fun, and it did start out that way, but later in the evening it got a bit hairy. Some biker punched one of the regulars and bloodied his face. I am not sure what precipitated the fight but that's not important. The biker was thrown out. I told the manager, jokingly that her place was a little too violent for me. I just didn't have a clue. About, oh I don't know, thirty minutes later the bouncer, who had thrown out the biker, shows up on the patio telling everyone to get inside immediately.

That did not sound good.

Turns out, the biker had come back with a rifle and was threatening to kill everyone there. YIKES! The cops were called and no one was hurt. I am not sure if the biker was caught/arrested or what but I do know that we left. I told Tina that if this was her idea of a laid back bar, then I did not want to know what kind of place she considered to be a dive. In her defense, she said she had been going there for more than four years and had never once seen even so much as a fight. I attribute it to the fact that it was the beginning of Labor Day weekend and that perhaps the drinking had started way too early for some people.

The rest of the weekend was uneventful and we did not go out Saturday night. We stayed in, drank too much and just sat around talking and catching up. I was a great weekend and I really should make plans to head down to Florida more often. Maybe after I graduate.

So that's it for now. Life is still going. I try to take it a day at a time and I can't complain.... much. Not that it would do any good. No one would listen and if they did, the would not care so why waste the energy.

I will end this post on a humorous note, since after reviewing many of my past posts and seeing that people really enjoyed the humor.

Once again I resort to the wisdom of Calvin and Hobbes:

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.

Later Taters!!

I know return you to your regularly scheduled internet.

Edit: Grammar, spelling, and clarity.

I have been absent.....

2010-08-30T11:47:00.002-04:00

First, let me apologize for the lengthy delays between posts. It seems many facets of my real life have grouped together and are, at present, conspiring against me. As a result, very little of my time is spent doing many of the things, online, I really enjoy. meh.

Lets play catch up, shall we?

Fall semester has started with a bang. I spent more than three hours standing in line to get my books. It must be pointed out that at least 2 hours of it was spent standing in the hot Georgia sunshine. I was sweating like a pig and by the time I was done I really just wanted to lay down and die. The heat took its toll and I bet it took me a week to fully recover from that experience. Assuming everything works out right this will be my last semester,

As far as school goes, I have a heavy load this semester but I will push through it. The computer classes (Network+, Server 2008 Administration, and Networking Infrastructure [B Term]) are information filled balls of stress. Yay me! (With all credit for that comment going to London Tipton) I am having to take a second history class, which I almost did not get in to, because the first one I took was used as part of my college prep course requirement, whihc I did not find out about until my graduation audit was sent to me.

Do ya think I should have been informed about that requirement when I enrolled?

Never mind the fact I have not been in high school since the mid 80's. Oh well, I got in and the one bright shining part of the whole deal was that I have no Friday classes.

So, we are a couple weeks in to the semester and I bet you are wondering how things are going. Splendidly. Fantastic. Wonderful.

Could ya pick up on the sarcasm there? Thought so.

Not that it is going bad, cause it's not, but I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. A lot of it has to do with my dad I think. That is a post for another time. So could school be going any better? Sure. Is there anything I can do to change it at all? not really. Should I keep worrying about it? Certainly not.

I just need to relax and let go of the things that are out of my control and focus on the important stuff.

I got a call from the NMSS a few weeks ago. They wanted to ask me a few questions about my diagnosis, problems I had getting diagnosed, and my general thoughts on assistance, financial and medical, for patients today. I gave them my two cents on the subjects. Then the young lady i was specking to asked what they could do to better help the community. I told her the one thing they should be doing is finding ways to support the online community. Bloggers, information websites, and those people who, every day, lay themselves out to the world and let people know they are not alone and a MS diagnosis is not the end of the world.

Like I told her, if it wasn't for the support of the community I found I am not sure how well I would have made the adjustment from newly diagnosed to normal (ok, I know normal is a stretch for me but cut me some clack on this one point) life again. It is not the medical professionals that are doing a lot of the community based work but the average person. Someone that has MS or has a loved one or close friend with it. These are the people that every day do what the medical community as a whole is unable, or unwilling, to do.

Perhaps that is a symptom of the problems with the health care industry as a whole, I just don't know. What I do know is that I have been fortunate to speak to people about my disease and, if nothing else, gave them resources they did not get from their doctor. In a similar fashion to the help I got when I found my first MS blog.

These are the people that deserve the support of the NMSS. These are the people that are making a difference, every day, not only in their lives but the lives of everyone they touch.

Ok, feel free to take a moment to dab that tear from the corner of your eye. Done? So anyway, don't think for a moment that I have forgotten about anyone, because I have not. Life just has a funny way of being not-so-simple-as-we-would-like at times.

In the final analysis, it is what it is. Deal with it and keep looking forward.

Can we really afford to do anything else?

Ok, off to work on home work. Two chapters to read and about 8-10 hours of lecture video to start reviewing.

Later taters!!

Mike

The summer, MS, and moi!

2010-07-09T19:48:00.003-04:00

No, I really don't speak French..... unless you count french fries.

So has it really been nearly two months since my last post? Where has the time gone. Oh! I remember..... freakin' summer semester. I have done more work this semester than in the previous two combined. They are really trying to kill me. Well, not really. At least I don't think so.

Yes, summer semester has been that bad. The work load is back-breaking and mind-numbing (Already had a head start on that). The online classes are worse than regular ones. I'll be damned if I am going to do that next semester.

Speaking of next semester... assuming things go like they are supposed to, it will be my final one. Yay! Then I have the tremendous good fortune to start looking for a real job. I don't actually know which is worse at this point.

As tough as classes have been the weather has been ten times worse. here in glorious Southwest Georgia we have had the great luck of having an early run on high temperatures. Simply walking from the backdoor to the truck seems to sap my will to remain upright. Please note this is perhaps a 25 foot walk.

Yes. I said 25 feet.

For those few of you who do stop by you are very likely the grand prize winners of the MS lotto, like myself, so you understand what I am saying. If, by the grace of he-who-shall-not-be-named, you didn't win the lotto then you know someone who did. Ask them.

Walking across campus, as small as it is, can be daunting in the middle of the day. The heat, humidity, my right legs ever present desire to head off on its own, the bag of books on my shoulder, and the myriad of things running through what's left of my mind do tend to have me leaning hard to the right and having to work really hard to keep the ship from capsizing.

I ran in to a door the other day. Not hard but enough for me to look around and make sure no one was watching. I think I got lucky. Of course, with my vision being what it is anymore that 'tree' could have actually been a living being trying not to be seen noticing me. Who knows.

So, the world is still turning, there is still tension in the Middle East, and my MS is really getting the better of me this year. I will get through it (Like I really have a choice here) and do what I need to do. Now all I have to do is remember what I did with that paper that's due on Monday.

Anyone seen a 4 page essay on "Biometrics and the Modern Security Challenge"?

Damn. Thought not.

I am truly sorry that it has been so long since I posted. It has been hard going this semester and my focus is more there than anywhere else. I have got to get that GPA up from 3.46 to 3.5; maintain my Dean's List streak; Get ready for finals in two weeks.

Cya all after finals!!

Toddles!

PS: Would it be possible that we take the executives and the Board of Directors from BP and put them to work cleaning up the beaches? I bet if we did that they would have this problem solved in no time. Just a thought. How about public flogging? I really like that idea better. :)

Poke, time for an update

2010-05-25T14:03:00.004-04:00

I have been politely informed that I should be posting an update. I do not disagree with that notion, not one iota. The problem is that I do not know what to write about. I can hear the collective eye rolls already so don't start with me. Politics, immigration, oil spill, terrorism, economic recovery, multiple sclerosis, diabetes, and the list is never ending.

I do not really feel like ranting today yet I fear that is where this is going to end up. In defense of myself, SUCK IT!

I must apologize for that last outburst. It seems I have been, as of late any way, suffering from a rare case of Tourettes Lite. It's a lot like regular Tourettes, just without the extreme profanity. To be honest, given my penchant for using profanity, much like Michelangelo used paints, I suppose I have the full blown affliction. So hard to tell sometimes.... but I digress.

So what should I talk about?

I was going to touch on immigration but that is such a hot button topic. Given that the people that are in position to fix the problem are so cravenly P.C. I highly doubt the problem will be solved in a manner that is consistent with protecting our sovereignty. Instead, lets just hand the country over to every illegal with the icy stones to cry racist because I want to send them back to their country. I have no problem with immigrants, so long as they come here by following the rules. If you had to sneak over in the dead of night, or in the back of some tractor trailer with a few dozen of your own countrymen, then as far as I am concerned we should tag you with a GPS implant and set you free on your side of the border. If you get close to the border again, the implant should explode. *SPLORT*

Yea, I know what you are thinking already. It is mean, inhumane, and otherwise illegal under some treaty we signed back in the 40's or some such. Perhaps we just annex Mexico and turn it in to one giant parking lot.

I would strongly suggest, if you have not already done so, do a little research on illegal immigration (and no, Wikipedia is not a truly reliable source). The information you find might be a wee bit interesting.

So now that I have offended every illegal immigrant, as well as nearly all bleeding heart liberals, what else can I touch on for you? Politics is too obvious. How about the Middle East? Nah, too likely to end up on someone's death list. Though, I think if we just carpet bomb everything between Israel and Japan we should put an end to a lot of that crap. Just don't forget, you have to break a few eggs to make an omelet.

Holy crap! How could I forget. I was talking to a friend of mine today, who I have not seen in quite some time I might add, and we touched on something that I think would work. Dunno why I didn't think of this before.

We, the United States, are constantly sending aid to other countries, right? It exists in the form of money, food, medical supplies, troops, housing, and all sorts of stuff like that. We have people, troops mostly anyways, building schools and hospitals and housing for the poor suffering people of these third world countries, many of whom that are content to take advantage of the less fortunate and weak among them. All the while, we are always hearing about the homeless, the hungry, the unfortunate bottom rung on the ladder of American society. I have an idea that solves two problems.

Why don't we redirect those resources back inside our own borders. Why don't we send these legions of people spending our tax dollars in Bumfuckt, Slovenia to the most desperate areas of our own country? Why not build that housing in locations that would be a benefit to our own citizens? Why not build build schools in places that don't have them? Why the hell don't we take all of these tons of food and medical supplies and provide it to the citizens of this very country? Why in the fuck are we taking something from my table and sending it to some lazy-ass somewhere on the other side of the world when my fellow country men, women, and children are suffering every day?

You see, we are so busy helping everyone else in the world that we have blinders on when we look at the plight of our very own citizens. How dare anyone get on television and cry for money for the starving children in Indonesia, or where-the-hell-ever they are at, when we have children right here in the good old U.S. of A. going to bed hungry. How dare someone point out the horrid living conditions in Bolivia when we are children living on the streets right here in the richest country in the world.

I say we return those resources home and take care of our own first. Once we have our own house in order then, and only then, should we spare what we can for everyone else. Exceptions can be made for unforeseeable disasters (Haiti comes to mind) but I have had enough of the word suckling at the teat of the U.S.A. and not giving anything back.

Do you suppose that might piss off one or two people? I hope so.

Homework must get done. Later all!

Mike

Spring semester is over

2010-05-08T20:57:00.004-04:00

Well I did it. I survived spring semester. Two A's and two B's gave me a semester GPA of 3.55 with a cumulative 3.45. I am satisfied with that. Sure, I would like to have had straight A's but I am not too greedy. So what does this have to do with anything? Nothing really. I just wanted to toot my own horn, as it were. :)

The last couple of months have been kind of rough. My personal monkey has been quite troublesome and active. Constant fatigue, all over aches, foggy & muddled mind just for starters. The heat and humidity, here in South Georgia, is doing nothing to help. When you add in the stress of semester finals it just goes over the edge. Summer semester begins on the 25th. I have three online and one live class. The one i will have to be at every morning is Public Speaking. I am not sure how i feel about it but I have to take it for my degree so I will have to work especially hard on it. Luckily I have a few weeks to rest up for it.

The few days following finals were quite nice. The stress was all but removed and I got to stay indoors, for the most part. It was a wonderful few days. I didn't have to think about much of anything. ahhhhhhhhh. Well now that all of that is over I have a house to get cleaned up for my aunt, who is coming to visit next week, and yard work to get done. I am certainly not looking forward to the yard work but at least I can do that early in the morning when it is cooler. Yay?

I went to see Iron Man 2 last Friday. It was an ok movie but not as good as the first one. It just seemed to me like they were trying to do too much all at once. Great action, certainly, but the story was just too jumpy. They could have done a better job but for the most i was not disappointed.

Speaking of movies, this summer is going to be filled with must see movies. Prince of Persia, Killers, The A-Team, The Karate Kid (Well this is not so much of a must see but it has Jackie Chan), The Last Airbender, and Despicable Me. There may be a few others i would like to go see but these are at the top of my list. I foresee a lot of flossing out of popcorn kernels this summer. It's an ok trade-off.

Well, I think I will go get me some more coffee and relax a bit more, while I still have time.

Happy Mothers Day.

Remember to appreciate your moms everyday while you can. And remember, you don't need one day of the year to do that.

Toodles everyone!

Time moves forward

2010-04-18T08:38:00.002-04:00

Well, I had not realized how long it had been since I posted something. I feel a little ashamed for that. Just a little. :)

Things are what they are. America is up in arms over the direction of the country. The world is waiting for the other shoe to drop in the Middle East. Earthquakes are happening with a frequency that has me more than a little worried. A volcano is disrupting air travel across the globe.

I suppose I could spend a large portion of my time worrying about these things but the truth is there is nothing I can do to change any of them. Time moves forward and events unfold, yet we must continue on.

Dad is having a rough go of it. Good days and bad days, more bad than good anymore. He is a tough old Marine though. He does what he can and tries to shrug off the rest... can't ask for anything more. I worry about him though. I guess that's my job. I am his son, after all, and his caretaker. More than that, I am human with the associated conscious. When people are not doing well I worry about them and it is no less true with dad.

School is going well. I am struggling with my Cisco class. It's a little tough to separate out the new material from the two case studies they (Cisco that is) have incorporated in to the class. I am holding on to a low B. I am not at all happy about that but all I can do is keep trying. Finals are coming up in a few weeks. That will be the real story, for me, in that class.

On the upside, I got invited in to the Phi Theta Kappa Honor Society. My grades and scholastic accomplishments were good enough. That invitation meant a lot to me. The recognition of my scholastic accomplishments says a lot about my desire to succeed despite my MS symptoms. It also provides me with yet another incentive to continue to do well. Of course, I can't deny that it will look good on my resume as well.

It seems that some of us cousins will be having a mini-reunion over the Memorial Day weekend. I am really looking forward to that. It should be a lot of fun. It will also be nice to get away from my day to day problems for a few days. We are meeting at my cousins place in Florida. Sunshine, family, and good times await!

Ok, I need to get back to my homework. I have a few essays that need to be rewritten, reading for my Cisco class, and some other stuff to finish for my English class. Later everyone!

Mike

The taxman cometh!

2010-03-15T15:05:00.004-04:00

One month and your taxes must be filed. Unless, that is, you plan to file for an extension. I already have both my state and federal refunds back. My dad finally got all of his stuff so I dropped it off, to be done, this morning. I hope he gets something back this year. Hell, I hope he breaks even but we shall see.

The reason I mentioned that is, well, I don't really know. My mind tends to work in spurts anymore. I have taken, as of late, to just writing down whatever pops in to my head. I am truly afraid that if I don't then I will never think of it again. I know that is not absolute fact but this MS collar worries me at times. I will let you in on a secret. The other day it took me several minutes to remember that I needed to shave, while I was standing in the bathroom, looking in the mirror. The razor never got wet, if you must know.

So back to taxes. I was thinking about the state of things while I was filling out my 1040-EZ. Where do my tax dollars go? Well, not so much mine as I am still drawing unemployment while I attend school. Wait, yes mine since they withhold both state and federal from my pittance.

Ok, focus. Breath in through the nose..... out through the mouth.

Ok. Where do our tax dollars really go. Well it is a complicated issue that I am not going to clutter up with verifiable facts. That would just make for a boring read. If you are really desperate for that info I am sure you can find it all from various online resources.

I think what makes me so angry, about our tax system for purposes of this discussion, is that some fat-cat politico in Washington managed to get his hands in my pockets to take about 25% of what I worked for. Nancy Pelosi did not pull a single 12 hour night shift for me. Hell, she very likely doesn't even know that Cooper closed their plant here resulting in the layoff of somewhere around 2200 people. Despite this she still got a chunk of change out of my wallet. I do not recall Harry Reid ever loading a creel for me (Ask me sometime and I will describe, in painstaking detail no less, exactly how horrible of a job that was). Somehow, he still managed to pull money out of my bank account for his own nefarious needs.

All in all, they mugged me. No, they didn't stick a gun in my face and all that but it's still the same thing. Actually, I probably would not feel so bad if Barney Franks actually held me up. At least then I could say, with a straight face, that he worked for what he got. At the end of the day I still feel violated. Hells bells people, I didn't even get a reach around for my troubles. I am fairly certain that if I had feelings they would be seriously compromised right about now.

So they took my money and, in all likelihood, some of yours as well. Don't you wonder where it goes? Yea, there is the obvious places; Defense, government salaries, Social Security, blah, blah, freakin' blah.

By the way!

I saw a story today that the Social Security Administration is going to start calling in those I.O.U.'s our leaders have been giving them. That should be a fun. One, broke, government agency trying to collect from another broke government agency. Oh what I wouldn't give to be a fly on the wall at those meetings.

We are also aware of the all the wasted spending that goes on. Pork barrel is the right phrase. Money wasted on stuff just because... Oh sure, our Representatives and Senators tell us it's to help their constituents but the cold hard reality is that they use it as a tool for reelection. It is the most obvious form of wealth redistribution there is. So because stupidity like this is allowed to continue the people in Alaska get part of my paycheck to start building a bridge to an island with three people on it. Yay! That sure helps me out, how about you?! Personally, I think it would have been far cheaper to just relocate the people off the island.... or perhaps just euthanize them for being dumb enough to move to the island in the first place.

Anyway, the problem is that they want more of our money. Yes, I know, President *Stalin* Obama said he would not raise our taxes. But then how does he expect he is going to pay for this alleged health care reform, all the bailouts for the people who don't really need it, as well as the fact that they are now saying that the special deals for Kansas and Louisiana may be extended to the rest of the country? All the aid he has promised also needs to be paid for, unemployment extensions, cash for clunkers...... Oh, and as I mentioned earlier, the fact that some really huge I.O.U.'s are about to be called in. Hey, lest we should forget all the other special deals, backroom shenanigans, and what not that continues to go on.

So everyone should stock up on the KY and prepare to assume the position. The best we can hope for is maybe we will get dinner first but the bleak reality is that we won't be able to afford the KY much less have time to use it.

So in closing, my fellow Americans.

We need to return to our roots, to a simpler time. One where people still believed in taking care of themselves, helping their neighbors when times were tough, and not waiting for a handout from the government.

We need to remember that we must be self-sufficient, willing to make the tough choices, and in the end.... accept responsibility for ourselves. Personal and fiscal responsibility are more than talking points, despite what our leaders suggest.

A nation is strong because of the citizens and not because of the officials they elect. They, the politicians, are stewards and have ceased being responsible to the nation.

No, instead they have become short-sighted, narrow-minded, consumers of our liberties, our efforts, and our lives. They believe themselves above us, better than us, more knowledgeable of individual needs.

They no longer care for the people of this great nation. It is for this reason that the account must be called due in full. If they are unable to listen then they are inept. If they are unwilling to listen then they are fools. In either case they must be replaced.

Thomas Jefferson is quoted as saying:

"We in America do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate."

If we do not place ourselves within the process then we can not change what is broken. We are fast approaching the edge. Do you have the courage to be part of the solution?

Just something to think about.

To walk the fine line between sanity and mental shutdown!

2010-02-24T15:06:00.002-05:00

WOW!

That's a helluva a title to live up to, but I sometimes think that is where I am. Dad is really sick. He spent four days in the hospital last week. Diagnosis; congestive heart failure. It's like at the beginning part but still.... He still has a lot of pain (stomach he says but it is more like a gastro thing). So dad is back home but still suffers good days and bad. He ended up in the hospital because of a ton of fluid aorund his heart and lungs. They gave him high doses of some med that ended with a rash on his right arm. I have seen severe cases of poison ivy that looked tame compared to this. As of yesterday he has some more of hit creme, ointment, or whatever it is and that is helping.

Ummmm, school. The last month has been really bad, what with dad in and out of the hospital and other things. My grades started sliding. I am sitting at a high B in my two computer classes and this has me greatly distressed. By golly I want A's (except for College Algebra last Summer but I am/was thrilled with that C). It's a nit-picky thing I suppose. But it's all mine!!! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ok, enough of that silliness. So things have just been a little off kilter. I was ahead on all my assignments but I ended up getting behind and now I am paying the price. A-term comes to an end this weekend and I have finals, and papers, and unfinished assignments, and homework, and you see the dilemma. At present, I am in the midst of a break.

Life in general. Women suck. Men are turds. Everyone is either crazy, going crazy, or long since finished their trip to Looneyville. In either event I am just tired of dealing with morons, idiots, and sycophants. Occasionally, I meet this bright spot in an otherwise dim existence only to find out they are using some form of artificial light.

But... but... Mike? Could you be a bit more specific? It sounds to us like you have something you want to unload!

Well, I suppose I could but, to tell you the truth, it would not serve any real purpose. Oh sure, I could point out how someone, whom I thought was a friend, turned out to be a two-faced, lily-livered, gutless wonder but that just doesn't accomplish anything. The urge to strangle this one was strong. Instead, I ran over a random road sign (Not really, it was already down but it did make me feel a little better). Just a note for those of you who know people that are teetering close to the edge of being a TFLLGW, lose them.... it's not worth the stress and trouble.

Politics. So now all of a sudden the president wants to work with Republicans? Riiiiiiiiight. In truth he wants to make it appear he is trying to take the high road but the simple truth of the matter is that it is all a political stunt. The Democrats really see the writing on the wall and want to try to appease their base prior to the mid-term elections. I just want to say that I don't trust a single damn one of them, Democrat or Republican. For all that matter I am having a hard time putting any faith in all the talking heads. I don't care what side of the debate they endorse, they all have an agenda and it is certainly not to help me. Can we just pack them off to a deserted island, ala Survivor, and let them sort all this crap out amongst themselves? In the meantime we can elect a new group of legislators that will put the American public ahead of their own personal grab for power.

Religion. Is it wrong of me to say i don't know if I believe in God? At least as it is shoved down our throats by organized religion. I don't mean to say that here is nothing after this, not at all. I just mean to say that I can not believe this is the way it is supposed to be. I mean come on, killing each other in the name of religious zealotry? If that is the way it is supposed to be then I certainly don't want any part of it. I think it would be safe to say that if, and that's a big if, there is a single god out there not a single one of us has it right. The following question was posed to me once; How do you know what is good or evil without God?

Well, I dunno genius? Could it be if it causes someone great pain or suffering then it's probably evil and if it cause great happiness and celebration it's probably good. Bad hurts, Good feels ok. We don't like pain so it should be common sense to not make others feel pain.

I see no reason, whatsoever, to bow to the will of some all-knowing, all-powerful being, that leaves us to suffer and rot despite his call for love, when simply by exercising simple common sense we can accomplish the same goals. On this same vein, I do not tell you what to believe so sure as hell don't get in my face and tell me what to believe. If your faith dictates that you should annoy, pester, or otherwise inconvenience people then buddy, your faith is asking you to be an idiot. Oh, and if your faith says you should kill someone because they don't believe what you do, stop drinking the kool-aid and learn to think for yourself. That is all.

I had a conversation with my English instructor today. some of her other students joined in and it was quite fun so I am going to relate, to you, the basics of the conversation and ask you to join in.

We read Herman Melville's Bartleby the Scrivener in class this week. It is a hard read only because of the language. If you like Shakespeare then you will love this. In any event, if you have not read it then go do it. It's not long at all. The rest of us will wait for you.

So how is everyone doing?

Hey Bill! You get that door fixed? Yea? Good job.

Oh Susan? Yea, can you send Margaret a copy of that meatloaf recipe? Her boys loved it.

Back? Ok. So you read it. I hope you liked it. Well we were talking about who we might like to see play the key parts. Now we never really got past the lawyer (narrator) and Bartleby himself. I suggested Robin Williams as the lawyer. I think he could certainly bring the character to life. And I do expect it to be played with the seriousness that the novella imparts, and most assuredly, deserves. Everyone agreed that was a pretty fair choice. The next step was to figure out who could play Bartleby. That was a toughie but I suggested Tom Hanks. My instructor said maybe Hanks from 20 years ago and that made sense. One of the students from the next class said it should be played by Johnny Depp. That made perfect sense. Since he is known for taking some of the oddest roles this would be perfect. Sadly, that was as far as we got but I think I want to push this one when we meet on Friday. If you have any suggestions then let me know and I will pass them along.

I think that is more than enough for today. I have to get back to my schoolwork. If I don't make headway today I am so going to fail my finals.

Toodles all!!

Mike

Old Blue Eyes

2010-02-08T13:38:00.002-05:00

Ok, I have to mention it (if I didn't then I would be the only one not talking about it)....

The Colts just blew that game. Really the tipping point was the dropped pass by Garson late in the first half but the slide had already started. The team just did not seem to be in the game. Sloppy attempts at tackling, slowness off the ball, half-hearted routes, and a general sense of malaise. I think Manning summed it up in the post game interview: disappointing.

Don't get me wrong. I am a huge Colts fan, and I do not wish to take anything away from the Saints. The Saints played a near perfect game and certainly looked like they wanted it more. Congratulations to the New Orleans Saints. You guys deserve that win and your dedicated play showed that.

Ok, now that I have that out of my system lets move on.

I am just chilling out at the coffee shop listening to some tunes and surfing around the net. I am not sure what caught my attention but I had the urge to hear some Frank Sinatra. The song, Fly Me To The Moon, was featured in Space Cowboys (If you have not seen it, go rent, borrow, buy, steal it. You will not be sorry). The movie was on the other night and something on the yahoo home page just got me humming it in my head. So I went to iTunes and bought it. It was better than I thought it was going to be, so it is now officially in my rotation. I am presently look at some Dean Martin (Another Rat Pack member). I will have to see what catches my eye (That's Amore will most certainly end up in my collection I am sure).

So what does all this have to do with anything of any importance?

Well, nothing really.

For some odd reason it made a connection to a poem I read for English the other day (Powwow at the end of the world by Sherman Alexie). As I have a profound respect for Native Americans (American Indians, or whatever you choose to be called) I found the poem very touching. I will not spoil it for you but I would urge everyone to find it (It can be found online in many places) and read it... in fact read it a couple of times. Then look up the information about the Spokane tribe and the relationship they have with the Grand Coulee Dam. For those, amongst you, that have a soul you might find this enough to bring, at the very least, a tear to your eye.

Now, how about this connection. I can't tell you. The two things are so far apart one might as well be here and the other on the, ummmmm, moon. My mind makes the strangest of tie ins these days. I suppose I could blame it on the MS but the truth is that I have always managed to group together the most dissimilar of things at the oddest of times. Kind of like strawberry ice cream and okra (ewww, right?). I have, and always will.

So why Sinatra, and not someone more contemporary? I dunno. I have always liked the old stuff. Sinatra, Martin, Crosby, Webb, Bennett, Cole... the list could go on. Sadly, we just don't have singers like that anymore. I suppose I could try to make a comparison to people from the last 20 years or so but there just aren't that many that I like that much. There are songs here and there that I enjoy but looking at their body of work as a whole, nothing stands out.

So here I sit, listening to Frank sing his heart out. Nearly in tears (Read the poem). Wondering about my life and how will it be affected 5, 10, 20 years from now. The MS seems to be pretty much hanging back (for which I am eternally grateful, as you all might already know) but it never leaves my waking thoughts. Hell, recently I had some disturbing dreams but I really don't want to think about them to much.

I did have a funny dream though. They perfected the ability to transfer the consciousness of a human into robotic bodies (I read an article a few months back along these lines, heh). It was decided that I should have the chance to live forever so I opted to have the procedure done. I picked out a suitable platform, one that was spiffy looking and very sturdy, and went in to have it done. When I woke up though, there had been a small glitch. As a result, I ended up in a toaster and there I was stuck. Want to talk about a horrid existence? That would be it.... forever spitting out toasted bread for other people. hahaha

So there you have it. I talked about the BIG GAME, snuck in something about my english homework, got to talk about Frank Sinatra, and recounted a silly, and oddly funny, dream. Oh, I did mention MS. Just an all around odd day today.

I suppose I could have just skipped posting any of this since, upon rereading, it seems to ramble on, with no real point, and otherwise lacks anything that even remotely approaches memorable. Oh well, I never promised that everything I would write would be witty and/or insightful.

In the final analysis, it is just what was on my mind. Go look up the poem Powwow at the end of the world. It is short on words but god awful long on meaning.

Later taters!

Mike

44 years later....

2010-02-03T15:38:00.003-05:00

Today is my birthday. 44 years ago today I entered this world kicking and screaming. Well, I would like to think I was kicking and screaming but as I recall what my mother told me, I was a quiet baby. Not really a stellar start to my life but by golly it's my start.

So I spent some time just thinking about the where's. You all know them.... were ya been, at, and going. The been part is super easy. Not a lot to discuss on that but easy stuff to catalog. Some of it excruciatingly good (e.g. the day I got married), some of it on the exact opposite end of the spectrum (e.g. the day my mom passed), and off course all the stuff that falls somewhere in between the two. It would be foolish to waste a lot of time wondering about things that might have been different had I made other choices but it never hurts to put a little energy in to it.

Marion. THAT job. The new refrigerator. Divorce. *sigh*

Ok, enough of the past. Where am I now. Certainly not where I saw myself 20 or 30 years ago. I think all told i am pretty happy. Well, except for the MS and other inconveniences but I still have met some very mice and interesting people so there is still some good that has come of it. I am not sure I would trade that for anything but there is a significant part of me that would like the opportunity. Who the hell am I kidding... I would jump all over that one change. Since that is not an option, I just have to suck it up and deal with it.

Out of work. Back in college. Family. Dad. *le sigh*

So that brings me to the final where. Where the hell am I going? To tell you the truth I am having a hard time telling. Now don't think I don't have goals, plans, and a desire to get there but, I had all of those things 5, 10, 20 years ago and look how that all turned out. I guess i am just afraid that despite putting in the effort isn't going to get me where I want to be. There is too much in life that I have no control over and all that shit directly affects me in one way or another. That knowledge is getting to be quite the burden.

Graduate. Get a job. Take care of my MS and Diabetes. Take care of dad. *le frickin' sigh*

I have noticed that with each day it takes me a bit longer to find the will to get up and do what I have to. Oh no, I don't mean it like that. For the record, THAT is never an option. What I mean is that I know what is expected of me but it is getting harder to want to meet those expectations. I get angry fairly easy, usually over the silliest of crap. I just don't care about the things I used to care deeply about. I am tired of being alone.

I think, having just read that last paragraph, it amounts to one thing.

I am just tired.

Nothing fancy. Just worn to a nub. As in the "sick and" variety.

44 years.

When I was 14 I had the world by the short and curlies.

At 24, it was grab everything I could get.

34 rolled up and it was all about the party.

Then the visit from the age-fairy. Have the last 30 years of my life gone by already? I do not think I can put in to words just what feelings that knowledge brings. It is hanging around my neck like an anchor and the water is rising fast. The issue, at hand, is whether or not I want to struggle to free myself or just succumb to it. Hell of a question, don't you think?

Sadly, I do not have an answer. Not for myself and certainly not one for you. Maybe I will wake up tomorrow and the sun will be shining a little brighter, the coffee taste a smidgen smoother, or my feet hurt just a little less. Of course, with my disposition of late I fully expect the sky to be on fire, the coffee to be rancid, and both legs missing.

I suppose there is no where to go but up. Anyone have a ladder they can spare?

Happy birthday to me. BITE ME!

Later all! Tip a cow for me.

That's not my name..... (or stupid is measurable)

2010-02-01T11:13:00.009-05:00

Just sitting here at the coffee shop, listening to The Ting Tings (go ahead... guess which tune!), waiting for word from the hospital on dad. I dropped him off this morning at 5:45 for a procedure. He has an Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm. According to his cardiologist its not a big deal.

Oooooooooookay.

Personally, anything with the word aneurysm in it can't be all kitties and sunshine.

The doctor says its normal for someone his age and it is an easy thing to fix.

Oooooooooookay.

Lets see, what else is going on. Taxes. Just waiting for the W2's from the state for my unemployment and I can get filing. I fear I will owe this year and that worries me. I am just praying to break even at this point. We shall see.

School. It is hard this semester. Tons of homework every night. I finally got to the break even point. I am hoping to get a little ahead this week. It is tough to be sure. My MS is being a stubborn mule and making my brain flutter and twitch. Not good given the level of the material for both of my computer classes (Cisco IV and Maintaining/Installing Windows Server Active Directory).

Pussycat Dolls, 'When I grow Up' just queued up. Hmmmm, I guess I will let it play out.

I think I will do ok in both classes but I am not looking for ok. I want the A. I need the A. I... must... get... the... A!

To borrow a line from Monty Python,

And now for something completely different...

Do you ever wonder what people are thinking about. Lets say, for example, you see a girl sitting in the lounge, at school, and just seems to be staring off into the dark corners of her mind. You could assume that she might be thinking about her grades or possibly her financial aid, but that is just to easy. I like to take a less congenial approach.

I like to think she is worried about the fact missed her period, or that she woke up that morning laying next to someone she doesn't even recognize. Maybe, just maybe, that boyfriend she just crushed still has naughty photos of her from that last spring break trip.

Yea, I know, why would I wonder about such happy thoughts?

(Warning: Rant incoming - and this is friggin' long!)
{Consider yourself duly warned!}

I have been watching way too much reality television lately. Jersey Shore on MTV (Moron TeleVision if you don't recall) has become my latest excuse for railing against humanity. I only heard about this show because some Italian-American group (some of you may recall how I feel about hyphen attaching lineage and citizenship, if not then ask.... I could rant all day long about it) had a public hissy fit about it. They claimed that it put Italian-Americans in a bad light because they do not act that way.

Seriously? No, I mean it... SERIOUSLY?

Well if the particular group of people, from the show, do not act that way then MTV managed to subvert an entire community into acting for the show. Honestly dude, STFU. They are moronic bimbos, bastards, and boneheads desperately grasping for their 15 minutes of fame. Already the nude photos are cropping up, they had a look alike contest (do I really need to comment on the fact there are retards [no disrespect intended for the developmentally challenged] who choose to act like that??), and I recall reading that a few of them are looking for careers in Hollywood. Yea, they should fit in nicely with that bunch of attention whores.

My point, if you didn't pick up on it already, is that we, as a civilization, peaked about 100 years ago and are already on that short slide to the apocalypse. We no longer care about where we are heading. In fact, we do everything in our power to get behind the cart of humanity and push it that much closer to edge. Sadly, I am right there pushing it along.

The fecal matter thrust down our throats, called modern television programming (aka Reality TV), is only the result of what the general public thirsts for. The rise, to a station of semi-credibility, of tabloid papers, websites like TMZ, and people like Perez "Fucktard of the Decade" Hilton only shows how simple minded the public at large has become (Of course, this point is only further made by the number of people who bought the load of rhino rocks the President dumped on them allowing him to become the President - That is a rant for another time since that one is deserving of its own special entry).

I think I have finally given in to the 'bright shiny' and as such have joined the masses as they, much like cattle to the slaughter, mindlessly follow along to their eventual doom. Oh, don't get me wrong, I know the bright light at the end of the tunnel is only the oncoming train of ruination but my foot is trapped under the rail so all I can do is wait for the inevitable. Oh, it would be easy to blame other people but the truth is far more simple and undiluted, I am at fault. For myself that is.

As for the rest of the brainwashed masses, well I have one recommendation: Forced sterilization. These people should not be allowed to procreate. The gene pool is shallow enough already without further diluting it with the dregs of society. If dinosaurs walked the earth today, or more aptly a few hundred years ago, these people would have never existed, for long at any rate. Through stupid laws, poorly considered regulations, and the advent of the lawsuit we are no longer a self thinning herd of carnivores. We allow the weak, sick, and just plain stupid to survive into adulthood thereby passing their imbecilic genes on to a new generation. It does not take long for the influx of those SG's (Stupid Genes) to mate up creating a rapidly deteriorating situation. I found the following information on a site that I will not name (Since I wasn't supposed to be there in the first place but I did receive permission to duplicate the basics). (My algebra sucks so bear with me):

SG = Stupid Gene
NG = Normal Gene

SG1+NG1=SG/2 (Meaning the recipient would be half as dumb as donor SG1)
SG1+SG1= SG2 (Meaning the recipient would be twice as stupid as either SG donor)

Now you would think that if one donor SG2 mated with another donor SG2 you would get a donor SG4 but that is not the case. The problem is that Stupid Genes grow exponentially. Sadly the rate of growth is dependent on the level of the donors. Each generation is actually a multiple of the primary donors. It works out like this:

((SGn^(x)+SGn^(x))^((y+z)x.25)x.35
n = the value of the SG's
x = the value of the n multiplied by 1.17
z = 1/4 of the sum of (SGn+SGn)
For statistical accuracy, go out to 4 decimal points rounding using standard rules

So assuming both are SG2 we get this:

((SG2^(2.34)+SG2^(2.34))^((2+2)x.25))x.35
((2^2.34)+(2^2.34)^1)x.35
((5.063+5.063)^1)x.35
10.126x.35
3.5441

If one is an SG2 and one is SG3.5441 we get:

((SG2^(2.34)+SG3.5441^(4.1466))^((2+3.5441)x.25))x.35
((2^3.34)+(3.5441^4.1466)^1.386)x.35
((5.063+189.9247)^1.386)x.35
1492.6226x.35
522.4179

So as you can see, the level of stupidity gets out of hand rather quickly. Now there is some debate as to the correct measure of a level 2 versus say, a level 522.4179. It is generally accepted that a level 2 just does minor things like forgetting your wallet or where you put your keys on occasion (Less than a once per month average). As for a level above, say, 100mil, well many believe that rises to the level of women who were on the Flavor of Love or Real Housewives of Orange County. Recently, however, there have been strides made towards quantifying those numbers into a more standard nomenclature (I do not have access to that information but I am looking).

So as you can plainly see, Forest Gump's mom hit the nail on the head.... Stupid is as stupid does and I have the math to prove it. Now if you want to know how to accurately measure your SG value I can't help you. I do not have the tools, or training but hey.... if you can't remember if you ate dinner last night, it's a safe bet that you are in the upper tier.

Ok, enough of this complete nonsense. If I spent as much time on my homework as I spent on the above formulas I would be ready for my finals already (Still a month off, so don't worry).

I have to go. The hospital called and dad is in his room.

Later taters!!

Mike

Edits:
- Fixed formula errors (SG^(x) is not the same as SGn^(x)) - Without the base value of SG you would not know how to calculate x or y
- The final total for SG2+SG2 was right, I actually mistyped the 2.34 (2x1.17) as 3.34 - This was only an entry error and not a calculation error
- Some grammar issues and one spelling error

It's that time again

2010-01-07T14:21:00.003-05:00

Well the new year is upon us. What else needs to be said? A lot actually but I will spare you the soap box.

Despite my strong desire to be a grinch abut things.... I sincerely hope that everyone had a great holiday season. No, really. I mean it from the bottom of my three-sizes-too-small heart. For the official record, the Grinch is my hero and when I grow up I want to be just like him. The pre-Whoville-Christmas-morning-sing-along-guy and not the sap that was carving up the roast beast for tiny Cindy Lou and her freakish band of ne'er-do-wells.

So on with the blog.

With the coming of the new year comes an annual rite for most of the people in the world. Resolutions. There are as many resolutions made every year as there are grains of sand on the beach in Bermuda (In case you don't realize it.... that's a lot).

I am sure some of you out there have made the same ones. Lose weight, stop smoking, be happier, love more, bitch less, and the list goes on and on. Ask yourself this. How many times have you made the same resolution year after year? Like many of us, and I do include myself in that list, we tend to start the year with the same grand designs on changing our lives. I am in no way saying this is a bad thing, quite the opposite, but to our dismay we do not follow through.

We can justify this with any number of well thought out, and logical, excuses. I am as guilty as anyone on this point. Years ago I came to the conclusion that regardless of how we might feel the morning of January 1st, we will quickly lose focus as we get back to the normal routine of our lives. I would wager a guess that many people stick to a couple of their resolutions for more than a few weeks but in the end we all tend to forget about them by the time March rolls in. I am not trying to chastise anyone so don't get upset with me (Remember, bitch less). So I pose this inquiry to you.

Why bother doing it in the first place?

It seems like a waste of time and energy to say you are going to do something to start the year. Until you make the decision to actually change something in your life it is pointless to make the pledge in the first place. Just as importantly it is just as pointless to do it to start the year. If you were really dedicated to making some life altering change then why wait? As soon as it comes to mind just do it. The more often you put something off the less likely you are to follow through. By you, I mean we.

Be it something small like bitching less then just make the change. If it is a little more difficult, like weight loss or stopping smoking, then go see your doctor and make a plan and get your ass in gear. It doesn't seem too terribly difficult a concept.

Yea. This coming from the king of procrastination. Listen, if I can put something off until tomorrow you can just about bank on me putting it off. Sometimes, however, even I get the juices flowing and make the change. Returning to school was a huge change. It was fairly easy and fortunately for me I had a great number of supporters who helped me with that. It made the transition from working stiff to student a lot easier to handle. The whole weight loss thing is proving much more troublesome. Not because I can't but because I have not convinced myself to do it. Sure, I lost a few pounds since the beginning of 2009 but lets be honest, if I had really put forth the effort I would be 30 or 40 pounds lighter right now.

In conclusion, do not wait until the start of the year to promise yourself that you are going to change. Just step up and make it happen. Don't make me come over there and smack you in the head (ala Jethro Gibbs). Ok you know I am going to procrastinate on that but you never know.

Oh, and in case you are wondering, I do make one resolution every year. Well, for the last 7 years I have and every year I do keep it. Some years were harder than others but I always manage to stick to it. What might that resolution be? I resolve not to strangle the life out of any idiots. It works for me.

You might be guessing, at this point, that this post should have went up on the 1st. What can I say.... I kept putting it off.

Later taters!!!

Mike

PS: In the highly, and almost certain, event there are some grammar, punctuation, or other typographical errors I blame it on global warming. I was just too tired to proof it properly.

Holidays are almost over....

2009-12-30T14:24:00.002-05:00

Well here we are. Two days until 2010. It seems just like yesterday that I was diagnosed with MS. *whew*

I have been staying away from the computer for the most part. A few games i have been playing but as a general rule I would sooner channel surf than be on the computer. I had nearly forgotten how bad television is. Everyone is airing some sort of end-of-year retrospective, countdown, best-of, or marathon.

I have to admit, I watched a lot of the marathons. To be specific, the Law and Order: SVU marathon as well as the NCIS one. Those are two of my favorite shows but for totally different reasons. I like the stories on SVU and not so much the characters while on NCIS is is the precise opposite (If you ever watch NCIS you have to love the head slap Agent Gibbs is so good about handing out). Be that as it may, I watched a few other things over the holidays. Some made me smile while others made me wince.

I got to see quite a few of the old stop motion and cartoons I remember as a kid. I still didn't see anyone air It's a Charlie Brown Christmas. That is, without a doubt, my all time favorite holiday special. Yes, I know I can get all of them on DVD but I refuse to. Those were meant to be seen on TV. I will probably break down and get the DVD's sometime but I am holding out as long as I can. As a last mention..... 24 hours of A Christmas Story. Need I say more?

My MS has been less than agreeable since late October. Most days are ok but I have had some real shaky ones. My right side seems to have a mind of its own more often than not lately. Makes it interesting since I get up each day wondering what it will be like. I caught myself, the other day, sliding along the wall in the hallway, because my balance was off. I didn't realize what I was doing until I got to a doorway. It took me a few minutes to right myself and with focus I was able to walk quasi-normal. meh. It could be worse I suppose.

My dad has been in a funk since mid September. Mom passed in September 2006 so I understand that. October would have been their wedding anniversary and then you throw Thanksgiving and Christmas right behind that..... well, you get the idea. To be honest, it has been trying on me as well. I guess my own funk is just as bad as his. Good days and bad days. I keep hoping that after the first of the year things will get a lot better. Of course, classes start on January 7th so I have that as well.

I will let you in on a little secret. I can not wait for classes to start. The sooner I get back, the sooner I can graduate and get back in the job market.

What else..... I was asked about my weight loss. Nothing new to report there. I have myself stuck at between 305 and 310 pounds. I think once I get back to classes things will start falling into place but that has not been a focus, at any level, since classes let out earlier this month. Yea, I know.... I am procrastinating. It is one of the things I do extremely well. We will see what the new year holds.

So I guess that is about it. I suppose I could rant about politics, or political correctness, or a host of other things that get under my skin but I just don't have it in me.

On that, less than happy, note let me close with this. I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and has a very Happy New Year!

Toodles all!

Mikw

Long time, no see!

2009-12-15T15:20:00.001-05:00

Well, it has been quite a while since I have been here. Lets catch up.

The last few months have been a bit trying. My MS has been on a tear. As a result, I was having some problems at school. Trying to learn all the new Cisco stuff was trying, to say the least. My right side has been weaker than normal (Normal being relative mind you) and my balance has been off.

The last month of school was interesting but I managed to pull out straight A’s. I am happy for that. I will have a nice break before returning to classes next month so I am trying to use this time to just relax and get to feeling better. Spring semester is going to be a bit rough since I am doubling up on my classes so I can graduate a semester early. The sooner I can graduate the sooner I can get back in to the job market.

I have been following the news pretty close. I have a lot of thoughts on what has been going on but to be truthful with you, I just don’t feel like talking about it. The few conversations I have with friends generally result in me getting worked up/angry and I just don’t need that. Suffice it to say that I am still extremely worried about where things are headed and what price we are really going to pay.

Ummm, my dad and I have a great Thanksgiving dinner. I cooked the turkey in our rotisserie oven and it was delicious. We will be doing the Christmas turkey the same way. I am kind of looking forward to it. As for the holidays in general, they are sucking. Neither myself or my dad are big fans of the holidays since mom passed. We are making do the best we can and we will get through it.

Well, I have to go since I still have chores to do (I hate doing laundry). I wanted to post something to let you all know that I am still alive and stumbling (bad MS joke there, I know).

Merry Christmas everyone!

Then and now....

2009-11-07T16:06:00.002-05:00

I have been thinking.

I know..... shocking, isn't it?

I was feeling reflective again. No, not that kind of reflective. I was just thinking about where I am, where I've been, and the obligatory where I'm going. I do that a lot lately. Like school, being one of the 'now' things. The computer class is going ok but I am really having to work at it. Kind of makes me wonder like the next two will be like. meh. I signed up for it so no complaining allowed. That brings me to my other class this semester.

PhysEd. That is becoming quite the four letter word to me. The workouts are taking longer and longer to recover from. The pain is becoming more and more constant. The numbness in my feet and toes is becoming more persistent. That tells me something is wrong, but I want to finish the class. The instructor left me a note inquiring as to why I have not been doing the abs workouts at the end of class. I have not responded yet. I have the feeling that if I tell her the truth then that might result in bad things. Well, more bad things than are already happening. I guess I will talk with her next week. Hopefully things will be better for the last 3 weeks of class.

With that being said I was browsing the internet the other day and came across a story about Joan Jett and the Blackhearts. It was some listing for an upcoming concert (8 hours from me, I checked). It reminded me of the first concert I ever attended. Care to guess who it was?

Yup. Joan Jett and the Blackhearts with Red Ryder opening for them. We really didn't pay much attention to the opening act. My buddy and I had tickets but they were as far away from the stage as could be while still being inside the civic center. We chatted while Red Ryder played, munched on snacks and sipped at our drinks. When the opening act was done they swapped out the stage.... the lights dimmed as Joan and her group took the stage. They started playing as Joan started the standard glad to be here stuff.

My buddy and I looked at one another and without saying a word jumped up and headed towards the stage, at the other end of the civic center, at a dead run. Just when we got to the stage they broke into "Bad Reputation". The concert was an absolute blast, for a variety of reasons. It was at that moment that I fell in love with Joan Jett. Come on, a rocker chick that looked great doing it. What teenage boy didn't fall in love with her. To this day I am still a huge fan and for the record she still looks great).

Music was such an integral part of our lives in the late 70's and early 80's. That time period produced a large amount of music that spanned an enormous, and highly varied, appetite. It was all there and most every taste was satiated in some fashion. For me it was a little bit of everything. Stuff ranging from Boy George (yes, I said that right) to Judas Priest. I managed to find something that i liked in just about every category. I kept an open mind about it. My mom taught me that.

But then there was Joan Jett. Yes, as I have mentioned, she was a rocker chick. But it was far more than that. The music was a blend if a lot of styles that just seemed to grab me by the head and make me listen. Her voice was different. Honestly, it was sexy and strong all at the same time. Alluring, yet rough and forceful. It was like a feather one moment and a hammer the next, but always at the right time and in the right amount. For the love of all that is holy and right, it is Joan Jett!

Ok, I think you get my point there. But what in the name of the 6th level of Hades does it have to do with anything? A moment of reminiscing is all. A fond memory from by life that I wanted to share. A reminder that not everything in my life has been, or will be, bad. I should be thankful for those times. At least that can never be taken away from me.

Rock on Joan! Rock on!

I now return you to your regularly scheduled internet.

PS: I downloaded "Fit To Be Tied" (JJBH Greatest Hits) to my computer. Bad Reputation is as great today as it was back then. Later taters!

The bike, the potato, and the nose. A true love story!

2009-10-26T12:56:00.005-04:00

Now or Later.

It used to be the name of one of my favorite sweet treats as a kid. I kind of liked the strawberry ones bu they were all good. As an adult it means a whole host of other things. Of course, we tend to use the word procrastination instead. To be honest though, I am good at it. For example, posting to this blog or doing my essays for school. Either way, I tend to put off til tomorrow what I could do today. I try to tell myself to buckle down and do it. Then I reason myself right out of it. I could offer up some nifty reasons but in the end, they don't really hold water.

So, with all of that being said, let's see what fun I can coax out of the misty blackness of my memories.

Bert. Ayup. One of my best friends growing up. He was a great kid, and none too bright. Well, that's not entirely true. He was a very bright kid, just no real common sense. He was our guinea pig, of sorts. We could talk him in to just about anything. Usually it was because we feared being injured. He was like a Timex watch; he could take a licking and keep on kicking (change intentional).

Oh, where to start at. There are a lot of stories about the hapless childhood of Bert, the neighborhood crash test dummy. Hmmm, the cartoonish tree fall, the plastic garbage bag parachute, the burning britches, the deer + Jack's mom..... and on the list goes. All of those are full of hilarity as well as ample volumes of stupidity and disbelief. But I have one that needs to be told.

The bike, the potato, and the busted nose.

Seems like a rather odd combination. Well, for most mere mortals it would very likely be. For us, not so much so.

One summer day we decided to have a dirt clod war. For those of you not familiar with this childhood warfare it is very simple. Find a plowed field/yard that has been subjected to the perfect amount of moisture and heat (Both of which were very common where I grew up at - not like now). What you end up with is an endless supply of dirt clods of varying size and density. You throw them like baseballs at your opponents. When they hit they explode into a sandy colored cloud, clearly showing when one has been hit. You should be aware that in South Georgia dirt clods came in two varieties.

There was the standard type, usually made up top soil. These were considered the perfect kind. They were not too heavy and did not hurt, much, on impact. We tended to favor these as it did not impede the fun factor by a large amount, unless someone took one to the face. This was rare so we didn't worry too much about it.

Then we had the least favorite type. The ones made up of mostly clay. You see, here in the south we have a large amount of clay, red clay to be specific. This would certainly make a dirt clod (well, technically speaking it would be a clay clod but don't judge) but it was of the type we did not like. Mainly because on impact it did not burst into that beautiful puffy cloud of loose soil. Instead, it was more like getting hit with a rock. Very much like a rock in fact. So we tended to avoid these expect in anger (Remind me to tell you about the infamous Pat/Jamie incident).

So we were having a dirt clod war. We were all having fun when Bert decided to hop on his bike. Now we all made it clear that shots at Bert would be close to the ground. Tires and feet. We were crazy but we really never, ever, set out to really hurt someone. Anyway, Bert goes hauling ass up and down the street while we all take pot shots at him. don't be fooled, he would stop and get some clods of his own and would return fire as he screamed by at the speed of sound.

There were maybe 5 or 6 of us out there that day. The Jody showed up. No one really liked Jody. He was strange. If you had known us back then you would realize that this is saying something when someone was strange by our standards. So he comes out and just joins in. Oh no, we will have none of that. We send him away with some harsh words. Ok, we might have pelted him with a few dirt clods but hey, we were just kids. So Jody goes storming home.

Back to the game. Things were going along smoothly until Jody reappeared. What happened next is still funny to all of us, except maybe Bert, today. I will try to do the scene justice.

A clear summer day, sun shining brightly and hot. Four or five kids, covered in a mixture of sweat and dust, are on the edge of the street in front of my house. Wearing only shorts and shoes we are laughing and chunking dirt clods at the lone kid on the BMX bike. The scrawny, blond, tousle-haired Bert, legs pumping the pedals for all he is worth is screaming down the street past us. On his last pass (yes, we are getting to the point), he looks back over his shoulder to see what we are going to do. Still cruising down the street we all saw Jody appear at his front door. Bert, on the other hand, was still watching us.

Jody was far enough away that we could only tell that he we wound up and threw something in Bert's direction. Here is where it slowed down, just like on television, for most of us. The object, which later turned out to be a raw potato about the size of a baseball, made a perfect arc through the air in front of Bert. Totally oblivious to Jody, and the potato, Bert turned back, to look where he was going.

I am going to say this for all to witness. In all my years of running around that neighborhood; in all the games of baseball, softball, and football; up to this date to also include all of the professional sports I have watched, I have never before, or since, seen a more perfect throw made. The distance, the arc, the timing... absolute perfection if there ever was. Sucked to be Bert that day.

Several things happened in rapid succession. The first, and most important of all, was that the projectile and Bert's nose attempted to occupy the same space at the same time. Instinctively, Berts hands flew to his face. At that same instant, the front tire on the bike began to wobble due to the lack of control of the handlebars. In about three or four seconds the bike was headed in to a shallow ditch, violently throwing Bert to the ground. By the time Bert skidded to a stop, the bike was on top of him and he was screaming in pain. It should be noted that Jody was also back in his house at this point, behind a locked door.

We ran over to him, pulled the bike off of him. There was blood everywhere. We were pretty sure that he was mortally wounded. when Bert finally moved his hands to show us the carnage, the only thing wrong was his busted nose. A busted nose and two black eyes. Bert was mad as hell but all we could do was laugh. Like I said, it was the perfect throw.

It is too bad, really, that the world was not full of video cameras back then. That would have been a perfect Youtube clip. I still wonder how we managed to survive to adulthood. I would also like to be able to tell you that events like this were rare for us. Sadly, they were more the norm.

I would like to thank Bert though. Without him and his fearlessness (or stupidity), my teenage years would not have been nearly as fun.

Thanks Bert!

So this is my post for today. I hope I was able to make at least one of you smile, if not laugh outright. I think I just need to stick to posting stories about events from my childhood. I am always in a much better mood after I do this.

So I am off for. Later taters!

i now return you to your regularly scheduled internet.

Is it Friday already?

2009-10-16T16:27:00.003-04:00

Well, Friday has yet again rolled up on me like an eagle on a trout. The older I get, the faster they get here. It's both good and bad all at the same time. *sigh*

Let us start off with some awards. I am the proud recipient of two.

The first is the Kreativ Blogger award. This is courtesy of Nadja over at Living! with MS. She is such a sweetheart. Stop by her blog, you will not be disappointed.

The second is the Bullshit Award from Sherry over at Word Saladsthe Demyelination of Me. If you ever want to see true character and inner strength... stop by her blog.

A huge thanks to both of you ladies. Hmmm, I went back to look at the two previous awards I got and guess what? Yep. These two ladies again. I get the feeling I am being cyber-stalked.... lol! I am just kidding.

Ok, so what's new with me. Not a whole lot. The weight thing is driving me nuts (Yes, I realize that is going to be a very short trip). One day I am at 304 and the next the scale says 313. I am beginning to think there are gremlins in my bathroom. I mean, really? I gained 9 pounds in one day? I don't think so. I think it is time to invest in a new scale. Something digital. With HUGE numbers. Maybe one that talks. Yea, that's just what I need. A scale telling me I'm fat. Still I fight on.

Ummm, school. Going well. Finished the A-term computer class with a 96.8 average. Why they don't just round that up I will never know. It's an 'A' though. I'll take it. Tests on chapters 1 and 2 already, for B-term. 95 and 97 respectively. I am not disappointed but when I looked at the questions I missed I could have kicked myself. Easy stuff I knew the answer to, just a brain fart when I picked a check box. My bad.

I have a slew of things running through my mind right now. Sadly, my thoughts are so jumbled that when I settle on one to write about I trip over 4 or 5 others. I get sidetracked easily. Personal life. Life after school. Friends. Family. School. Work. New website. Blog change.

Of course, that still leaves MS to talk about. Pretty much the same. I still have some weakness on the right side and some balancing issues when I am walking fast. Personally, I don't think I will ever get any better than I am at this point. I just hope that I don't get any worse. Isn't that the way it is with MS though? You get to a point where you accept the reality of it but in the very next instant you hope it stays at that point. Of course, we know there is a chance for it to not only get worse, but to get a lot worse.

Whatever. Maybe I will hit the lottery. Yea, and maybe monkeys might fly out of my butt.

So I guess this is all for today. Maybe next time I will have more rainbows and unicorns. Maybe.

Later taters!

I'm still alive

2009-10-09T15:12:00.004-04:00

Ok, for those of you that semi-sorta-kinda-maybe keep up with my blog you might have noticed a decided lack of them lately. Yea, my bad!

Things have been a little crazy here. The last couple of weeks have been filled with tests, paper to write, studying for my written final and my skills final. Oh, all of those are for my computer class at school. In case you are wondering, 98 on the written final. I still don't know what I got on the skills final, but I feel like I did really well. I am sure I will pull an A for this class.

Oh, it is an A-term class. That's why all of that.

On a very related note, i am working on moving my blog. I have registered a domain and all that good stuff. I have been working on setting up the sub-domain for my blog as well as the blog itself. If any of you want to know then Google blog creation software and take a look. There is a ton out there. I think I have settled on Wordpress. The only problem is I do not think the service I am using supports it with the configuration I bought (Lucky me). I am looking at a couple of different options but the reality is that it will be a bit before I can get it up and running. Rest assured, I will and all of my *cough* loyal *cough* readers will benefit from it.

So what else..... the MS seems to have gone in to hiding. This, despite the fact in my PhysEd class I am going like gangbusters. Go figure. I'm not complaining mind you, just a wee bit surprised is all. When I was younger there was a time I could bench almost 300 pounds and leg press nearly 600. That was also a long time ago. In PhysEd I decided to push the bench thing and found that my upper body is way weaker than I thought.

As a matter of habit now, after I complete my daily required rotation I go back and do some more stuff on the upper body. Usually about 3 machines, two sets on each. I try to push it just to see. I think there has been some payoff but it is hard to tell sometimes. May be the MS is being a butt-head and making things harder one day and not the next. meh. The instructor is being very supportive. I like that.

As for the leg presses. I really pushed myself on that one. Wednesday I did three sets of 10 at 370 pounds. My legs were complaining a wee bit after class. I can tell you for sure that when I woke up Thursday morning they were in outright rebellion. It took me about 30 minutes to convince them to be more cooperative. It's all good now.

Coach, the instructor, told us Wednesday that come next Friday (the 16th) we are going to have to run a mile. Prepare for cardiac explosion. She did say that we will have 12 minutes to do it, since she knows there are some that will not be able to run the whole mile. Yea, I'm still gonna fall out... maybe fake a coronary or something. That should be fun.

So what else. Nothing else really to cover. So I guess that's it.

Heck. Does anyone have any questions? Thoughts? Concerns?

So I am off for now. I hope to have something more definitive by the end of this month, in regards to my blog move. I will update you folks on that as soon as I know something.

Later taters!

PS: Almost forgot. As of about an hour ago I am down to 304. so close to getting into the 200's again. 275 is my goal right now so I am only 29 pounds away.

And so another day goes by.....

2009-09-24T13:16:00.003-04:00

Not a catchy title by any measure. It was the best I could come up with. Deal with it. I did.

So I'm sitting at home playing Aion Online for a bit, then switch over to Battlefield 2..... *yawn*

I'm just not finding myself terribly excited about being on the computer. I checked out some of the blogs I follow and find some interesting reading. Thanks to all of you whom I follow. At some point or another I find some pearl of wisdom that helps me to put things in perspective. It really is nice to have such a great resource.

I have, over the last 6 months or so, learned things about a few of the people I follow. Some of it good, some of it not so good, and more importantly, much of it relateable (I don't think that is a real word but I don't care).

I have mentioned, on more than one occasion, that it is nice to know I am not alone going through this thing called Multiple Sclerosis. To the extent we have been diagnosed with MS, that is about all we have in common.

There are men and women, husbands and wives, daughters or sons, niece or nephew, black, white, young, old.... We come from every group imaginable; ethnic, religious, political, socio-economic, and so on. We find ourelves bound by one never ending desire, and that is to be rid of the one thing that binds us so tightly together.

Ironic?

Perhaps.

Each blogger, I have met, has given me something special, something that I will always cherish and carry with me. A possession so treasured that I will never let it out of my reach. The kind of gift I tell my non-blogging friends about, with the excitement of a kid who still believes in Santa, on Christmas morning. When I am feeling down, I pull out these gifts and they remind me I am not alone. They make me smile, or cry, or laugh. Often at the same time.

These gifts fill me with the hope of better days, the promise of unconditional love, the desire to be appreciated, and the ability to forgive. What is it that you gave me? You gave a part of your heart and soul with each word you wrote, every comment you posted to others, and every link you listed. Every part you gave patched a hole in my own soul and gives me the strength to put one foot in front of the other. It allows me the luxury of tears without pity, laughter without malevolence, and love without obligation.

To each of you, thank you. I can only hope that I have given back as much as I have received.

Mike

An unhappy anniversary

2009-09-17T13:20:00.004-04:00

The last few days found me in an introspective mood. A great many things ran through my mind and, to be quite honest, many of them are still lingering on the periphery. Kind of like that stray itch you get on the back of your leg while drifting off too sleep. Not enough of a bother to warrant the expenditure of energy to scratch but, just enough to let you know it's there and could develop into a full blown itching fit if you ignore it for too long.

Now let me scratch that itch.

I have been thinking about my mom a lot lately. She died three years ago this month (27th) after a lengthy fight with breast cancer. She was confined to a bed for the last eight months she was with us. My father and I took care of her at home with the help of Hospice. I am not sure what we would have done without them. They took care of the details for us (like getting a hospital bed at the house, medicine, nurses, counselors, and so on), many of which we would have never thought about ourselves. They provided nurses on a daily basis to help with her personal care and to give my father and I a break. While I am not a religious man, by any stretch, all I can say is god bless them.

Mom could not talk at all the last few months she was with us. She could barely move her fingers in the end. She always manged a smile. It often failed to cover up the pain she was in but it helped us cope. She did not want pain medication. She was strong like that.

In the end, she went quietly in her sleep. I still remember that day.

I had gotten off work at 6:30 in the morning, gone home and taken a shower. Mom was having a bad morning already and dad had called Hospice for help. They sent several people, one of which was a wonderful nurse/administrator. I really do wish I could remember her name. She came out and first off got Mom calmed down. She spoke to my father and I. She told us that it was close to that time, just that mom would not let go. She also asked if any of us had told her it was ok to let go.

We had not.

She explained that in these situations, sometimes, the patients try to stay for their loved ones and will continue to fight. The nurse also explained that it is not at all unusual, once they are told it's ok, for patients to relax and allow nature to takes it's course very soon after. I suppose my father and I both must have looked dumbfounded because she went on to explain the situation a little better for us.

Mom was in the last stage, her body was trying to let go. She could be gone as soon at 24 hours, based on her prior experience in these situations. The cancer was all through her body (brain, lymph system, bones, lungs, breasts, and so on) and it was trying to shut her down. The only thing stopping it was her sheer force of will. She was in pain, a lot of it. I seem to recall she used the word agony. Judging by how worked up mom was, this made perfect sense. She suggested some morphine to ease her suffering.

This was something mom did not want. We also wanted to respect her wishes but at the same time we did not want her in pain. That is no way for anyone to live. Dad agreed and I deferred to him. When we went in to give her the shot you could see the pain she was going through in her face. The nurse explained what we were doing to mom. She gave her the shot, lightly brushed a tear off moms cheek and told her it was ok to let go. Mom just looked up at her. The nurse stayed with her and held her hand until she fell asleep.

In the adjacent room, she explained to dad how to give her the shots and that she should get one about every six hours, or as needed for pain. She promised to be back the next day to check in and gave dad her card and private number. After the hospice people left dad and I went and sat on the back porch to talk. Well, that is a bit misleading. We more or less sat smoking our cigarettes and staring out into the back yard. By now it was about 10 in the morning.

Dad told me to go get some sleep. I told him there was no way I could go to sleep right now, despite the fact I had been awake since the previous day at about 1pm. I told him I was going in to town to get a drink and to call me if he needed anything.

I did go get a drink.... several of them in fact. Tequila. That was my drink of choice at the time. I didn't get totaled. I still had to drive. I sat and talked with some friends. By the time I got back home it was nearing 5pm. I was so tired my vision was going all wonky.

I checked in with dad. Mom was sleeping peacefully. To be honest it was probably the first time she had done that since before she was confined to the bed. I told dad I was going to get some sleep and to wake me if he needed anything.

Dad woke me up at about 7. I was still out of it. He told me mom was gone. Still half asleep, I asked him where she went. He just looked at me blankly and said she was gone again. This time I picked up the tone of his voice and I sat straight up on bed. The weight of those words smacked me square in the chest like a hammer and took my breath away. Dad was already out of the room heading back to the front of the house.

I jumped up and went to the living room and checked. She wasn't breathing. Dad was sitting at the dinging room table looking in at me. I asked him when. He said he wasn't sure. The last time he had checked in on her was about 4pm to see if she needed another shot. He said she was sleeping quietly and opted to let her sleep instead of giving her another shot. He went back to check on her just before he woke me. He was crying at this point and I did not want to press it. He had been through enough. We all had.

So mom passed. Quiet, comfortable, and asleep in her own home. That was all she wanted in the end. To be at home with her family. She will always be.

I miss you mom.

That there is a 'WTF?!' moment if ever there was on

2009-09-14T14:34:00.004-04:00

Ahhh, the creative juices started flowing and I have Kanye West to thank.

That's great, but at the same time it just reeks!

For those of you living under a rock (in which case you really would not be reading this right now would you?) or if you did not watch the MTV (gag) VMA Awards (hurck) then you missed the mother of all WTF?! moments.

For those of you not at all familiar with the acronym, I will define it for you. Please cover the eyes of any small children, fuzzy animals, or in-laws that might be reading over your shoulder.

WTF?! means WHAT THE FUCK?!

Now, as a rule, I do not watch MTV. I must, however, confess that I do occasionally stop in to view the occasional bit of a train wreck in progress (i.e. reality tv). Yes, I know I railed against it in a previous post but even I, Mr. Attitude, have the rare weak moment. I remember when MTV stood for Music TeleVision. Now I think it has a more lackluster meaning: Moron TeleVision.

With all that being said, the news was all atwitter (not to be confused with the social networking site) about Kanye hijacking Taylor Swift's acceptance speech. I caught bits and pieces on the radio this morning, on my way to school, and saw a blurb on the front page of the local paper. I just had to know more.

I started on Youtube and quickly found the clip of the aforementioned hijacking. If you don't know already, here is the Reader's digest condensed version.

Taylor won the award for Best Female video. In the middle of her acceptance speech, Kanye *cough* asshole *cough* comes onstage and takes the mic away from Taylor. He babbles something about Beyonce having the best video ever and exits stage right. After a few awkward moments, a dumbfounded Taylor hands the mic off and exits stage left. It bears noting that Kanye was booed and Taylor was applauded.

Ok, so now I am not just mad, upset or anything trivial like that. In fact, livid does not go far enough. I try not to be a violent person. Violence doesn't solve anything. Violence is reserved for those lacking the mental stamina for rational and insightful discussion. Now is not the time for that namby-pamby bullshit. Kanye should be taken out and beat to a pulp. No, that's too good. He should be staked down over an ant bead, Georgia fire ants if you please, and covered in honey. Then after about a week, left to soak in a epsom salt bath for a few days, then beaten to a pulp and left to rot in the middle of the Florida everglades.

But that would be wrong on so many levels?

The fact that this dick (and no disrespect to the dicks of the world intended) is allowed a public forum at all says so much about Hollywood, the music industry, and our society as a whole. After the 'George Bush hates black people' tirade I just wrote him off as another idiot destined to slide into obscurity. Boy was I wrong on that count. He is like a cockroach, always there, lurking in the shadows only to appear at the most inopportune of moments. Usually in close proximity to that sandwich you just made with your last two slices of bread.

Now I had heard that Beyonce had won an award and instead of giving an acceptance speech she asked Taylor to come back out. Well this i had to see. Youtube was filled with video responses saying this happened but I could not locate a clip from the VMA's. So I went over to mtv.com and sure enough, there it is.

What she said, and this is not verbatim, was:

I remember being up for my first award, at 17, with Destiny's Child. It was one of the most exciting times in my life, so I would like for Taylor to come out and have her moment.

And Taylor did. She came out and hugged Beyonce, then proceeded to thank people. I could easily say this was a small moment of redemption, but only slight. I will tell you that I do have a lot more respect for Beyonce than I ever had before. I am not a fan, nor will I ever be, but I will be far more apt to listen now.

Kudos to you Beyonce. You have shown a level of class that I, in all honesty, did not think performers were capable of in this day and age. You have earned my respect. That is something that is very hard to do.

My hats off to Taylor. Congratulations on your win (I admit it, I like your music) and for showing such poise and grace. I can't say I would have done the same but then again, as a general rule I hate people.

Well, that ends my post for today. I could not let this event go by without at least commenting on it. Thank you for stopping by and I hope you have a nice day.

And remember this:

'Well, it just seemed wrong to cheat on an ethics test.'
Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes

Later taters!

Edited for spelling and the simple fact I still have problems capitalizing the noun 'I'. So very sorry!

What did I forget....

2009-09-10T13:05:00.003-04:00

For the record, I was forced to edit this post simply because I forgot a title. It has been fixed.

My mind is blank.

Well, not really but, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Besides the information, from my Cisco class, that I am cramming into it I just don't have the desire to write. Sorry. I have sat down a multitude of times in an effort to bang out a post but nothing. Most of the time i just sat and stared at the screen, brain in neutral, and the accelerator on the floor.

Sure, there was lots of noise but just no momentum. It's kind of funny when I think about it. I want to write something, anything, but some part of my brain made other plans. Unfortunately those plans did not include the entry of text into the digital world. It may have included, amongst others things, my paying too much attention to Facebook. More to the point? Mafia Wars, Vampire Wars, Mobsters 2, and Farmville. /facepalm

It's not just Facebook mind you. I installed some games on my laptop. First person shooters. My brother and I have been spending a little time "killing pixelated bad guys" (that is what he calls it). In case you're curious, Rainbow Six: Vegas 2 and Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter 2. They are certainly not kid friendly but a heck of a lot of fun. Trust me, lobbing a frag grenade into a room is satisfying. And no one gets hurt.

Still, I am not sure why when it comes to posting here I just can't seem to get past a good intention. I suppose I could blame it on my MS but that would be doing a huge disservice to the disease. Ok, I know that sounds silly, stupid, crazy, or whatever you choose to call it. The cold hard truth is I guess I am just being lazy about the whole thing. It's easier to fire up a game or cruise over the Facebook than to actually burden myself with having to actually process a thought that does not include the correct port for a DNS request or the class of a 155.12.45.1 IP address (Port 53 and Class A by the by).

Quick! What layer will you find the TCP protocol?

Well? What are you waiting for? Google it and get back to me.

Anyway, not the most insightful of posts. Nothing pithy or earth shattering today. Sorry i could not have been more amusing. Maybe next time.

So, have a good day, chin up, fight the good fight, and so on. I feel the need to quote one of my heroes. Buckaroo Banzai.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey-now. Don't be mean; we don't have to be mean, cuz, remember, no matter where you go, there you are."

It doesn't really apply to anything here, I just like that movie. I may have to watch it when I get home tonight.

Later taters!

Rant and rave

2009-08-31T12:42:00.006-04:00

Ok, I had this nice long rant going about the TLC show Toddlers and Tiaras. If you have not seen it, or any clips from it, suffice it to say it should be taken off the air. What these parents are doing to these kids is, in my humble opinion, borderline child abuse. The fact that TLC put this show on the air makes them complicit.

What they are doing is teaching these kids that in order to be somebody you have to be perfect. They are dressing little girls up, like prostitutes, and parading them up on a stage. It's no wonder girls/women have such poor self esteem. The parents should have their children removed from the home and be prosecuted. Simple enough.

I am through talking about that show. Simply thinking about it makes me want to hurt someone.

{rant on}

The problem is that we, as a society, have become too voyeuristic. We are so caught up in the collective need to spy on what everyone else is doing that we simply do not care about the possible consequences. As a nation we no longer give regard to our neighbors but insist on knowing every detail, about every facet, of their lives.

The paparazzi intrude on the private lives of celebrities because we demand it. We shout with glee when a new picture of Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton, doing something naughty, shows up in the tabloids or on television. If those photographers were to do those things to us we would be up in arms, asking for their heads set on pikes at the court house for invading, and violating, our privacy. Stop buying the rags and watching the gossip shows people. It is just one more contributing factor in the fall of our society.

This leads me to another problem. We have become just too thin skinned. We are stunting ourselves with the need to be politically correct. Listen, I am fat. I'm not thick, or big boned, or husky, or what the hell ever. For the rest of you that are fat, then suck it up and deal with it. If you don't like the word then do something about it. Don't tell me you have a glandular problem or it runs in your family. Get your fat ass off the couch, put down the cheeseburger and go for a walk.

Don't get me wrong, there are people out there with medical problems that make it hard (Steroids and MS for one). The vast majority of the fat people out there have no excuse other than lack of control, no will power, laziness, and just plain old fashioned stupidity. Yes, this country is rife with stupid people. Deal with it.

Also, on the topic of being overly P.C., stop with the freaking labels. Yes, you are of Asian or African descent. The thing is, and listen closely, if you were not born there then stop prefixing what you are with it. I am so tired of hearing about African-Americans, or Italian-Americans, or Polish-Americans. Just stop it.

If you were born here then you are an American. Plain and simple. Stop labeling yourself, as well as those around you, and step up. I am all for being proud, but not to the point of self-segregating. It perpetuates the problems and totally ignores the fact that we are a country of people first.

{rant off}

I'm done. Just something I had to get off my chest. I can't turn on the TV or browse the internet with encountering some of the biggest idiots in the world. It's time we started acting like citizens.

Be respectful.

You and I may not agree on politics, or religion, or even porn.

Be respectful.

You and I may not like the same kind of music.

Be respectful.

You and I my not like the same kinds of food.

Be respectful.

The bottom line is that until we get back to respecting each other, despite our differences, then nothing will ever get better. This country, and the whole world for all that matter, will continue it's rapid descent into the crapper unless we see people for who they are instead of what they are.

Hi everyone. I'm Mike. Nice to meet you.

Mindless drivel

2009-08-25T11:04:00.002-04:00

I have not been able to get my mind to focus on anything worth posting. I have been doing a lot of studying for my Cisco class at school. Fun. I have sat down with the intention of posting but my mind would start to wander over a plethora of subjects. Some important, many just idle static in my mind. I thought I would put a few of them down and see how they look on the screen.

Pardon the sheer randomness.

Ideas to fix the country:

Fire all the politicians and start over. Maybe we could find some people who are interested in do the right thing instead of the politically correct thing. I would not mind putting myself out there but to be honest, I have too many skeletons in my closet and would prefer they stay there. A great many of them I am certainly not proud of. Be that as it may, the leadership we have is simply failing us. It's not just health care, but everything. I saw a story about projected deficits hitting record levels and how bad they will be over the next decade. I am honestly worried. Scratch that. I am scared. This is not a Democrat/Republican thing. We are being taken in a direction that I feel is completely counter to what our founding fathers wanted. There will be a reckoning and it's going to be ugly. Truth be told we are more like the Roman Empire in it's last 100 years of existence than the Republic we were 200 years ago.

Hollywood:

Well, what can I say. Most of the stars/elite/whatever are just getting on my nerves. I say most because there are a few that I respect because they just seem like normal people. Of course by normal I mean not being a stuck up, snobbish, whoring, waste of human cells. I get so tired of all the Hollywood trash and their drive to be famous, instead of being people. The poor girl that was killed by her husband, the reality star, is just another example of the excess that tinsel-town has created. Everything is about getting that 15 minutes of fame and there is no concern, at all, given to the possible consequences. What is truly sad about this case, and the hundreds or thousands like it, is that it did not have to happen. To hell with the fact this woman is dead. Forget the fact her family has lost a loved one. Lets turn it in to some kind of entertainment. Mark my words, there will be some kind of new reality show about the dangers of reality shows. I think my money will be channeled far less to the west coast of this country.

Multiple Sclerosis:

I could speak volumes on this topic. Most of you already know about it so I choose not to. I can tell you I have been dealing with some stiffness in my right side, headaches, and a familiar blurring of my vision (Still no word back from my insurance company yet. Not at all surprised!).

Exercise/Weight:

Yea. This is still a problem. I did about 45 minutes of tennis on Monday. Well, I can't really call it tennis. It was more like my classmate and I chasing down errant shots or watching the balls fly off in some random direction. I did a lot of moving. And sweating. And I felt better for it; at least until I woke up this morning. Can you say stiff, and sore, and tired. It also might have had something to do with me mowing the lawn after I got home yesterday but whatever. That chore is at least done. I am feeling really tired but I have to push through. Just like I did before I was diagnosed. Why? Because I have to. Tomorrow morning is my 2 mile walk. Lets see how that works out.

Money:

It's tight as hell. The $218 speeding ticket did not help (Yes, I was speeding. It was my fault. It does not mean I am happy about the cost.) my situation. I had to order more of my insulin the other day. That's another $70. My car insurance payment is due. $75 more. My health insurance is due in a week. There goes another $128. This is, by far, the biggest stressor in my life right now. There are no decent jobs available in the area. Makes it hard to consider options to be quite honest. Oh well, life goes on.

I guess that is all for now. I need to go run an errand for my dad. I might head in to school early today (My Tue/Thur class is at 6pm) and look into what classes I have left for my degree. Maybe I will double up next semester to try to graduate early. meh. Pipe dream.

I try to read through the blogs I follow every day (That doesn't hapen all the time either). I may not be commenting but I am still lurking. So on that happy note, I hope everyone is doing well and I will see you soonish.

Toodles!

I am just pissed today....

2009-08-20T12:27:00.004-04:00

I have to be honest. I have not really been in the mood to write much. The Fall semester started so I have been kind of focusing on that. My PhyEd instructor is very nice and helpful. She is understanding of my situation and seems to truly want to help. That makes me feel good about that class.

Once again I have been disappointed by people. For the record, people suck. Strike that, I hate people. For every nice, honest, person I meet I seem to encounter 50 shit-for-brains. Why you might ask? I don't really feel like talking about it. Suffice it to say it got me to thinking.

What do you know about the ancient Roman Empire? Not the popular stuff but how the society was organized, the social and class structure, and all that stuff. Do some research. You might find yourself surprised to find out that our country, the USA in case there are non-American readers out there, is a lot like the old Roman state.

I do not want to go into a lot of detail, mainly because I just don't feel up to it, but take a close look at how the classes were broken down. The upper class consisted of the imperial family (ruler), the politicians, and the equestrians (the guys that ran the economy and had all the money). The lower class was everyone else. They used clothing as a definition of status, within all classes, and the ability to move from the lower to the upper class, while possible, was difficult at best and rarely happened.

I will leave it up to each of you to research the information for yourselves. The point I am trying to make is that this country is following the old Roman system so closely it is beyond scary. We know what happened to them. I guess we are going to allow this to happen to us.

All the bickering, name calling, heavy handedness, and what ever is fucking stupid and counter productive. When ever I turn on the news all I hear about is how the Democrats are pushing for Health Care Reform no matter what; the Republicans are against it because of a myriad of real and/or imagined reasons; the public that is speaking out are being called worthless and extremists, and so on. I am just sick and tired of it all.

I have gotten to the point that I hope the entire fucking thing melts down. I will pick up my shit and move to Ireland or Australia. Until this happens, I have a few words of wisdom to pass along.

To the politicians:
Sit down and shut up. Listen to what the people are saying. Address our concerns. The Republicans are spreading fear because they can. The Democrats are spreading lies because they can. All of you need to get a grip on reality, sit down with regular Americans, and figure out exactly what the problem really is. Obama says it's the Health Care system now so Pelosi, and her band of miscreants, tow the line and have said they will do whatever it takes to get his agenda passed. The Republicans are trying to stop it because it wasn't their idea and as such has no merit. Do we need Health Care/Insurance reform? You're god damned right we do, but not the way you want to do it. All you politicians are going to do is make a bad system worse.

To the people:
Sit down and shut up. Just because the person next to you doesn't hold the same opinion doesn't mean they are wrong, or a nazi, or a socialist, or whatever the fuck you want to call them tomorrow. On the other side of that coin, just because a person doesn't agree with the party in power at the moment doesn't mean they should be denied a voice. The backbone of this Republic is spelled out, primarily, in the Bill of Rights. In case you haven't read it, I would strongly suggest you do so. Until then you are merely a part of the problem and not the solution. Instead of yelling at someone about how bad the proposed system is then come up with an idea on how to improve it. As for the rest of you, just because a political party says it's the right thing, don't believe it. Do your own research before making a decision. Stop being a sheeple in the herd and stand on your own.

To the media:
Ok, just shut the fuck up. All of you are perpetuating lies, myth, and innuendo. Rarely do you present the entire story and thus no facts on which to base a reliable opinion. The liberal media shows Obama and the Democrats as near gods while the conservative media paints them as demons. You can see the same story on two different stations and you get two different themes. People like Maddow, Olbermann, Beck, Riley, and pretty much the rest of you are not doing anything to help. You continue to fan the flames of stupidity to help yourselves. Here is a novel concept for you all. Present HR3200 in a forum for discussion. Put together a panel consisting of politicians that are for and against it, industry experts from both viewpoints, and average Americans. Lets have an honest discussion about this bill. Lets get all the information out there for everyone to see.

The problem is, none of this will happen. No one uses common sense any more. We have crippled ourselves and we don't really give a shit. It's all circling the drain folks, and everyone of us pulled the handle.

Forgotten topic :(

2009-08-17T11:23:00.003-04:00

Poop. I just can't seem to think of anything worth writing about. I have a lot of ideas but most of them will end up being lengthy posts that no one will really want to spend the time on. I don't blame them.

Well, school started back last Friday. I had gotten used to small numbers of people on campus. I had also not bothered to equate Summer semester with this. Friday morning came and the campus was packed! There were people every frickin where. I am glad my classes are at 8am and 6pm. This means that I get to avoid the majority of these people.

This morning was even worse. I guess a lot of classes didn't start until today. I won't say it was bedlam but it reminded me a lot of walking through downtown Indianapolis before a Colts game. Cars, people walking, people on bikes..... yeesh. I still feel fortunate to be able to return to school and get the education I should have gotten 20 years ago. The only thing is I hate crowds.

So my 8am (Monday, Wednesday, and Friday) is PhyEd. Fitness I to be specific. I am looking forward to when we get in the gym. I spoke to my instructor this morning after class about my issues. We are going to meet Wednesday, after class, to talk it over and perhaps set up some ideas. We are scheduled to do nothing but classroom stuff until the first week in September. I told her I wanted to get a jump on that considering everything. She was supportive of that. I will fill you folks in later in the week on that.

I had homework over the weekend on my computer class (Networking for Home and Small Businesses - Cisco). We don't meet until tomorrow night, for the first time. The instructor sent an email about what he expected. Good thing I thought to check it. Easy stuff, but I got it done and don't have to worry about it. I also downloaded, and installed, the lab software. In addition i grabbed all the labs and did the first one. It took me a few minutes to get the hang of it but it worked ok. I am going to set up my home network on it and play around. It should prove educational (irony?).

On the MS front. I have had a headache for a few days now. My hand/eye coordination is a little off on the right side and I am fumbling though my sentences a bit. I recognize this. It is exactly how my major episode started that ended with me in the hospital and my diagnosis in January. I hope that it is just stress about the new semester starting. I have not gotten any of the other symptoms yet. If i do I will need to call my neuro but I have my fingers crossed. The last few Copaxone injections have been uneventful. Nearly pleasant as a matter of fact. Well, as pleasant as an injection can be.

I do know I need to make an appointment to get my eyes checked out. I just need to find the money for that. I may have to call my insurance company to get some details on what my plan covers and pays for. I know I don't want contacts. The thought I touching my eyes just kind of freaks me out. Squeamish much? I didn't used to be.

So that's all I have for today. I wanted to comment on something controversial but I am just so tired of all the crap. Maybe next time.

Later taters!

I now return you to your regularly scheduled internet.

Edumacation is fun (and dangerous)

2009-08-14T11:03:00.006-04:00

Today we are going to perform a real world analysis of Newton's First Law. Bear with me, it is worth it.

Quite a lot of the stuff we did, in my youth, had great potential for massive bodily harm and/or death. It usually involved alcohol and/or medicinal herbage but not always. It kind of provides the reasoning behind the Jeff Foxworthy joke that starts off with; "Hey ya'll! Watch this!"

No good has ever come out of those words. I have a great many scars on my body. I can account for about 80% of them. Most of the rest can only be narrowed down to a time frame. There are a few I have absolutely no clue about. Assumptions have been made, fuzzy thoughts dwelled on, and in the end I just learned to accept that there are great chunks of my teen years that I will never recall. Probably for the best actually.

We, my compatriots and I, were always up for some sort of neighborhood infamy. We built a ramp at the end of the driveway one hot summer day. Not just an average ramp mind you. It was frickin' huge. We were trying to clear my mom's bushes she had planted at the end of the driveway. They stood about 6' tall. The ramp, at it's highest point, stood about 4' tall. That's big. There were about 8 or 10 of us trying to decide who should be the first victim, err, person to make the jump. We were busy nominating each other when my older brother, Richard, took it upon himself. None of us tried to stop him.

Climbing on my 3-speed bike he headed up to the end of the driveway and down the road. He was bound and determined to reach light speed. He did, but not like you would think.

We all stood out of the way. Many of us knew that something bad was likely going to happen and we certainly did not want to get mixed up in it if at all possible. Well, any more than we already were at this point. Pat stood at the corner of the house and warned us when Richard was incoming. We all took a deep breath as he came screaming into view. The bike was in third gear, Richards legs were pumping like steam hammers, and he was hunkered down over the handlebars to reduce drag. It took what seemed like only a second from him to travel the roughly 40' from the house to the base of the ramp. He was nearing the speed of sound when he hit the ramp.

And by hit, I mean the crunchy kind, not the Evel Knievel kind. Well actually now that I think about it....

KEEEEEEEEERUUUUUNCH!!!!!!

The front tire of the bike ran right between two of the boards and started digging into the underlying dirt. At the same instant the bike began to decelerate to subsonic speed. In another half second the front tire began collapsing under the strain and the front forks, yielding to the tremendous forces of gravity, speed, and the obligatory immovable object, quickly bent backwards pulling the bike further into the death wall. The bike stopped.

This is where our lesson for today comes in.

Newton's First Law states simply an object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force. Now all things being equal if you toss a baseball, it will continue to fly through the air until the effects of gravity and the atmosphere act upon it to pull it to the ground. The harder you throw it, the further it will travel. This information comes into direct play at this point.

Now, the event in question started with two objects in motion. The bike being object number one and my brother, Richard, as object number two. We have established, using Newton's First Law, that object number one was affected by an unbalanced force, the ramp. But what of object number two?

Well again I refer you to Newton's First Law. Objects in motion tend to stay in motion. So, given the fact that Richard was traveling at near the speed of sound, in a stance on the bike to promote air flow, there are several, very safe, assumptions one can make. The first is that despite the act of an unbalanced force (the ramp) on object number one, it had, for all intents and purposes, no effect whatsoever on object number two. Since the unbalanced force had no effect on object number two, the object will, in keeping with Newton's First Law, continue it's motion at it's same speed and direction (forward with respect to the initial direction of travel).

A body moving at that rate of speed is simply begging for hurt. And he got his fair share.

Object two, screaming quite loudly, cleared the ramp. With no apparent reduction in speed, object number two then impacted the bushes at the end of the driveway at about 4.5' from ground level. The rather poor simulation of superman resulted in a rather spectacular explosion of leaves and limbs, and more screaming. Now that object two had slowed down considerably gravity took over and pulled him to the ground, very quickly. The initial impact was loud. The unmistakable thud of the human body on hard ground is something I, for one, will never forget. The haphazard way he rolled to a stop showed a potential for a large number of injuries.

The quiet that descended over the scene was quite noticeable. We stood frozen wondering if he was dead. I would like to say it was abject fear but I would be lying. Then the silence was broken. Not by cries of agony, or worry, or concern. Rather by the sound of unbridled laughter. Many of us fell to the ground while the guffaws took us over from head to toe. In mere moments our dust covered faces were streaked with tears of hilarity while my brother lay, unmoving, in the hot Georgia sun.

Finally, Richard began to move. He slowly sat up, face contorted in pain, and manged to summon the strength to glare at us all. Some of our group of blue meanies finally went to check on him. As he caught his breath, he slowly got to his feet and checked himself for serious injuries. Finding only scrapes, scratches, and some bruises he managed to offer us, collectively, a scowl of contempt as he went to check on the bike.

The impact of the bike did manage to move a large portion of the ramp about a half inch. Other than the crater made by said impact, it held up pretty good. The same can not be said for the bike. The front wheel was totally crushed, the front forks bent back past the frame that runs between the handle bars and pedals, the handle bars bent in several places, one pedal snapped off, and lastly the frame cracked in several places. We simply salvaged what parts we could from the wreckage and discarded the rest.

Richard fared far better. As I mentioned before just some serious scratches, scrapes and bruises. He was sore for about a week after that and, to the best of my knowledge, he did not volunteer for anything else like that again.

There are many events from my youth like this one. Some of them actually involve me as the guinea pig. Most of them not nearly as educational as this one. Not that lessons in morality or moronity (I made that word up) aren't educational. In fact, many people on the internet could use some real lessons in these two things.

If you doubt the voracity of this statement then I will only point you towards our friend, and resident lab rat, Bert. We have proven that you can not jump off a roof, with a plastic garbage bag as a parachute, and not expect large quantities of pain.

So there you have it folks. Another example of bored teenagers creating havoc on their own terms. Many of you might very well be wondering about parental involvement. We had it and there was, more often than not, some form of fatherly/motherly retribution for many of the things we did. Well, what we go busted for.

I think we need to cover the finer points of a dirt clod war and the unconscious ass wipe. Pat's finest work ever in my humble opinion.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled internet.

Can I be arrested for this?

2009-08-10T12:28:00.004-04:00

So sorry for the continuing delay in postings. A number of things have conspired to keep me from writing. I could push it off on the MS but I won't. I could also say that I was not feeling too well. Actually, there is some truth in that but I had the strength to check my emails as well as log into World of Warcraft in order to unleash wanton destruction upon small furry, defenseless, critters.

Why?

If you know anything about the game you know why. If you don't... Well lets just say I could fill pages with how much fun it is to roam aimlessly through the game world obliterating things at random. To leave a trail of hurt and pain on a field of unsuspecting cows, the total annihilation of a Murloc encampment, or the random slaughter of squirrels and bunnies.

Pardon me for a moment. I am going to log in my Hunter and open a can of whoop ass on the Murlocs outside of Menethil Harbor. Talk amongst yourselves for a bit.

Ok, back. I feel better. Did i miss anything while I was gone?

Ok, so I have been exchanging blog time for game time. meh. I am back to blog. About what? Well, how about fireworks. Everyone is familiar with fireworks. It should come as no surprise that in my youth we played with fireworks.... a lot... and not in any matter that could even be remotely considered safe. In fact, we could have made a dozen or so safety videos on what not to do with fireworks.

(Editors note: The writer in no way condones the way in which items talked about in this post were used. In fact, he highly recommends that people do not attempt to repeat anything described below. If you do, you do so at your own peril and the writer can not be held responsible in any way.)

We played with a little bit of everything. Firecrackers, M80's, smoke bombs, bottle rockets, roman candles, and you get the idea. We are going to focus on bottle rockets. They were cheap and offered us more bang for our buck (Pun intended). Now we enjoyed making fruit and vegetable bombs using firecrackers and m80's (there were a few manure bombs but we can discuss that much later) but the costs were just more than we were willing to bear.

Most of the time. :)

So bottle rockets became the explosive of choice. We could pick up several thousand for next to nothing. And we often did.

Wars were fought. The battlefield always shifting around the neighborhood we grew up in. Many times it was fought in my backyard. Mortars were manufactured from coffee cans, pop bottles, and mason jars. Bazookas appeared in the form of short pieces of metal and pvc pipe (We preferred the pvc because it was much lighter). Hand held launches were not uncommon but we tried to avoid those because a fast fuse could, and sometimes did, result in a painful explosion.

(Note: On more than one occasion someone would injure themselves in an attempt to launch a bottle rocket from their hand. No hospitals were ever visited. Mainly due to the fact the fear of parental retribution was just too high.)

Areas were designated, artillery storage acquired, and teams chosen. The battle would start with each team staring at one another across 150 feet, or so, of open ground. No one wanted to be the first to fire but someone always did. The opening volley was impressive.

Bottle rockets would begin streaking back and forth, long streamers of fire and smoke. People dodging incoming missiles, all the while trying to return fire in an effective manner. Warnings were shouted, punctuated by small explosions and bits of debris raining down. People would be crouched over a launcher, trying to launch a counter attack, only to find themselves diving out of the way of an incoming projectile. Cursing and laughter flowed like wine at a Roman orgy. Attempts to aim were made, but usually providing no more benefit than just a random launch. Then it happened. The mother of all shots.

Our artillery storage was a garbage can, with a lid. Our opponents, that day, chose an open box. My partner, David, and I had given up trying to hit the enemy and opted for a denial strategy. If we could take out their cache of bottle rockets then we would win by default. Our feeble attempts at aiming did not produce any definitive results so we opted for alterations to our ammunition. We proceeded to reduce the length of the guidance stick on the fireworks prior to launch. There was a fine line between accuracy and total chaos on launch.

It took us about 20 shots to dial in the optimum break point. All the while the enemy was launching a most spectacular assault. Many times one of us would run by a launcher, loading it as we went, while the other followed behind with a lighter or lit cigarette. There were several close calls. A few times I could hear the whoosh of a rocket passing close by, quickly followed by the BANG of the detonation. David threw himself out of the way of more than one shot from his brother. They were trying to suppress us with sheer numbers. It was beginning to work. But we had had enough.

Setting up a 3 foot length of pvc pipe I managed to get off a few clean shots. They landed close to their, lidless, storage box. The plan was set. We loaded a couple of our mortars with about two dozen rockets. Using our lighters we lit as many of the fuses as we could, assuming the liftoff off the lit rockets would ignite the fuses of the rest, before retreating to our pvc emplacement. After a moment, the bombardment began. In less than 30 seconds a large barrage of bottle rockets were streaking downrange providing us the precious few moments we needed to strike.

As predicted, they scrambled for cover, leaving their ammo unattended. I lined up the shot and David lit the fuse. By now, David's brother had returned to his firing spot..... about two feet to our right of their box of bottle rockets. The fuse hissed angrily as it ignited the powder and sent our telegram of hate swiftly towards the enemy position. We could not have asked for a better shot. The rocket screamed in anticipation of it's impact. Randy only stood there as the world went into slow motion.

With only a smoke trail for us to track we watched as Randy simply turned his head to follow the incoming missile. Direct hit! The bottle rocket landed in their open box, of somewhere around 1000, bottle rockets. Randy looked up at his partner, my brother Pat. They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity, there was a small pop, then they dove away from the box of explosives like they had been yanked by a giant invisible hand. About a millisecond later the box erupted in smoke and fire.

David and I dove for cover behind a nearby tree as their bottle rockets began launching themselves in every direction imaginable. Smoke trails spewed forth like deadly tendrils of pain, seeking flesh to mingle with. Explosions began almost immediately. Pat and Randy both were moving away from the conflagration like their asses were on fire. Truth be known that was not far from being true. The din of the whistling rockets and explosions happening seemingly everywhere on the field was overwhelming.

Smoke began to settle over the battle field, the explosions becoming fewer. It was during this period that time seemed to return to its normal speed. The haze was thick and burned our eyes at it washed past us. After about 5 minutes it became quiet. Smoke laying over everything like a blanket. A voice was heard from somewhere nearby. "Son of a bitch!"

That battle was over. For now.

The next installment of this war was fought at night. While this was fun for us people in the neighborhood seemed a skosh put off by our battle. The fact that it took place at about 2am was not a deciding factor. Ok, maybe it was. But I will post about the battle for control of the not-as-abandoned-as-we-thought trailer next time.

I hope you found this story enjoyable. I so much like writing about things like this than how pissy I tend to get because of my diagnosis.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled internet.

New forums

2009-08-07T22:52:00.002-04:00

I have created a forum for people to talk about MS and other chronic diseases. I hope to build a community where people can share, learn, support, and help sufferers, caretakers, and people who just want to know more.

It is small right now. I am hoping that with enough support we can make it a place that will be a go to place on the issues we live with every day. I will also gladly add new forums based on what the users want to see.

The forums are located here. Stop by, take a look and lets make it a community together.

I will be back by the end of the weekend with a new post.

Thanks everyone!

Gourds: Fact or fiction

2009-08-05T14:27:00.007-04:00

*** WARNING: This post is insanely long. It rambles on in a few points and then grinds to a complete halt. Sorry. ***

Ok, here we go. Today's topic, if it can even be considered that, is on gourds. Perhaps a little history on the gourd. Please be aware that I am looking at Wikipedia and one other website for my information. Or in layman terms; If it ain't right, it ain't my fault!

So what is a gourd? I think we all know what a gourd is but I mean really, what the hell is it? We can take two different tacks on this. If we refer to Mr. Webster (He is such the know-it-all) then the primary definition is as follows:

Any of a family (Cucurbitaceae, the gourd family) of chiefly herbaceous tendril-bearing vines including the cucumber, melon, squash, and pumpkin

So a gourd is any one of a wide variety of edible plants. Many, if not all, of us have taken part in the mutilation of a pumpkin (Come on now, you know you loved it), the dissection of a melon, the drowning of a cucumber (Pickles Rock!), or the ummm... - dammit I am out of good verbs - consumption of a tasty squash casserole. No matter how many times I rewrite that last sentence I always fail when I get to the squash. Probably because it is not one of my favorite foods. Ah well, we can't win them all.

{Editors Note: The writer of this blog has an affinity (obsession really) with all things Halloween. It tends to spill over into other areas of his life (making court appointments tricky under the best of circumstances). The writer is not a violent person (unless you consider the way he attacked that bucket of KFC the other day) and does not condone or endorse violence in any way (except for the aforementioned bucket of fried chicken and the occasional Mississippi Mud Pie)}

But is that the only type of gourd out there? Of course not or this post would be done already. So moving on....

But Mike? - you might be saying - I thought a gourd was that dried out thing most commonly used as a bird house but also, historically speaking, used as a container, cup, ladle or any one of a thousand household items before the advent of pottery?

To which I could only reply; You are quite correct on that point, but it is not quite so simple. You see way back in the day (and by way back I mean a long time ago... and by a long time ago I mean some time before the internet, but after the time when T-Rex had a hard time brushing his teeth) the gourd was more of a tool and utility item.

Before we go on too much further I should ask Mr. Webster for the second part of his definition. Luckily he is quite compliant in this regard. He said:

Any of various hard-rinded inedible fruits of plants of two genera (Lagenaria and Cucurbita) often used for ornament or for vessels and utensils

Wow Mike! You seem to know a lot of stuff. What else can you tell me about gourds? - you would say -

You see mankind has always had stuff. Not stuff like we have today. I mean come on, if cavemen had ipods, would we have ever made it to the bronze age? I think not. Most likely because he would have been jamming out to Led Zeppelin or Judas Priest and never saw the saber-tooth tiger coming.

Unless he was listening to Britney Spears in which case, he deserves to be eaten.

So mankind had stuff. Food, water, and usually a healthy collection of bones, teeth, and assorted rocks. Now given the fact that pockets didn't really make an appearance until a wee bit later he had to have a way to carry all this stuff around. Enter, the Gourd. Now I have no clue how this came about but if i were a betting man I would think that early man stumbled into a patch and accidentally stepped on one that was dried out already. In fact he probably thought it was good for protecting his feet, at least until he tried to walk and the gourd fell to pieces (Early man was not noted for his overall intelligence. And before you ladies laugh neither were the women. How bright can you be to let a man move you into a cave full of dirt, bugs, rodents, and no air conditioning?)

Caveman 1: Ugh, Gortil mirguchuk.
Caveman 2: Huh?
Caveman 1: Sorry, was kinda surprised for a sec. So anyway, look what I stepped in.
Caveman 2: Wow. It covers your foot really well. Perhaps it will provide adequate protection while you move around.
Caveman 1: That sounds like a fine idea. Let me try it out.

After a few steps;

Caveman 1. Hmmm, it didn't work so well.
Cavemen 2: Well look at this over here. There are some seeds in this one. Perhaps we can use it for carrying stuff around?
Caveman 1: That is a damned fine idea. Carrying all these bones in my shorts is quite painful.

Ok, we know it did not happen quite like that. Cavemen didn't speak proper English. So it started way back when. In fact there is archeological evidence showing that early man used the inedible gourd for a variety of things including prostheses for wounds/surgery on the head. Of course that last comment begs the question, what did they use before settling on the gourd? I'll let you mull that one over in private. My ideas might be considered disgusting, crude, or downright icky (Dried bat wings!).

So gourds became a useful tool that would not soon go away. Even the discovery of pottery did not diminish the need for the gourd. Pottery was expensive and reserved for the well-to-do. As a result, the less-than-well-to-do continued to use gourds. I really can't begin to guess when they (gourds) moved from utilitarian to decorative. Given that pottery evolved during different time periods in different regions of the world (The oldest is from China dating back about 18,000 years) it is hard to say. Also, since I have done so little research on the matter I would not feel at all comfortable in throwing out something I totally made up (Editors Note: See the Caveman conversation a little earlier in this post).

I know as a kid growing up in the south it was not at all uncommon to see gourd trees. This was a large pole, stuck in the ground, with anywhere from two to as many as six cross poles at the top. On each of the cross poles were a number of gourds used as bird houses. You would always see a lot of birds in and around these 'trees'. It was interesting to watch the cats parked at the bottom staring intently skyward. Which then became interesting to some of the dogs in the area. The food chain in action. National Geographic could have run an entire season of shows on it.

Gourds also filled another need. You see, the south is awash with one particular animal... especially in the summertime. That would be the bored teenager. Now I am not at all familiar with how things work in the "big city" but here in the country we had to create things to do. Shooting fireworks at one another (Good sir. Bottle rockets at 10 paces!), building ramps to jump our bikes (not motorcycles) over the ditch (Note: The ditch should be defined. This ditch was around 8'-10' deep, 15' across and generally filled with large rocks, broken glass, and usually a healthy population of snakes), fishing, and shooting things.

(Looky, another editors note: They did not shoot any living animals, not for lack of trying but moving targets (Deer, Quail and the like people. Not non-food critters) were just to much trouble so they settled on things that could not get out of the way.)

We will cover the shooting of things. It did not matter to us. Fruits and vegetables worked best because there was an immediate, visceral representation of a hit (It might be noted a friend came into possession of a large quantity of Smurf dolls. They 'sploded real good). Gourds could be found all over the place so they were of high value. When the season was right watermelons worked well to. We also used fruits and vegetables as bombing targets. If you carved out the right size hole and inserted an M80 you were in for a real treat. Unless you were too close. then you were rather disappointed in the result. Carrots (Black Cat Firecrackers due to size constraints) hurt by the way. Little bits of orange shrapnel. MEDIC!

Ok, I seem to have gotten off topic. I hope no one minded too much because once I got into this I realized that gourds just aren't that funny. A little on the lame side to be honest. I mean they look funny but it would be like writing about how funny a brick is. Yea, loads of laughter there. And since I said I would write about gourds I felt like I had to do something.

GOURD!

The name looks funny.

GOURD!

The name even sounds funny.

I guess I was wrong on this. Such a long post for so very little payoff. I hope you are not too terribly disappointed. Well then I will ask you, what do you think I should write about next? It could be something from this post, from a previous post, or just something you want to see me struggle my way through. It can be completely serious or totally crazy. Leave a comment, send an email, or hire a skywriter (I would suggest strongly that you avoid that last option simply because of the expense involved AND because you don't know where I live). Or just ignore this post, leave no comment and leave me to fend for myself for a new topic.

I have tons of stories from my childhood and teenage years (Sadly the statute of limitations may not be up on many of them so I will have to be picky there) that I think would make great reading. I will have to change the names to protect the guilty but you would not know anyway. So let me know. I will post a response to the next topic by Friday evening in a new space to the side of this titled Upcoming Topics.

Ok, my 3rd latte just ran out, the coffee shop personnel are giving me strange looks, and the sky is turning black like a huge storm is about to break loose. Yay, lightning.

So I am off for now. Thanks for stopping by and reading this far (or skipping to the bottom here) and have a good day!

Later taters!

(Last editors note, we swear: This blog post was supposed to go somewhere else entirely. Due to the wandering nature of the writers brain the topic didn't flow as well as he would have liked. We will be taking him for some Electro-Shock Therapy in order to prevent this type of mishap again. We apologize profusely.)

(Writers note: The editor was mistaken with his last entry. He can not force me to submit to Electro-Shock Therapy. I will, however, send the editor out for a fatal beating. this should keep him in line for future posts.)

Thanks!

2009-08-03T22:26:00.003-04:00

I just wanted to say thank you to two very wonderful people.

Have Myelin? for the Golden Heart award. I am glad that I can make you smile, laugh, and feel the warmth of friendship.

Denver Refashionista for the Outstanding Bloggery Award. She has been most kind to me and never fails to keep me thinking.

Both ladies have been, and continue to be, a source of support for myself and many others. If you have never been to their blogs you are missing out. No really, I mean it.

A big thanks to both of you!

I have been having a bad couple of days. Between reading blogs I have been spending a lot of time sleeping. I have also been dealing with one hell of a headache and the ibuprofen just isn't cutting it. I finally broke down and took two of the 800mg pills I have. So now instead of my head feeling like a tournament ping pong ball it is down to a Michael Jordan basketball. That's good actually.

I have been mulling over a few ideas for a new blog post. My nephew has provided me with a few good ideas and I might well run with a few of them. If it matters we both agreed that gourds would make a good topic. That should be a good read. A few other things? Television and movies, MMO's, and possibly something on scaring easy (cause he does).

Ok, I need to try to get some sleep. I have a big day tomorrow. I should be back with a new post in a few days.

Later taters!!

Movie theaters serve condiments

2009-08-01T10:03:00.004-04:00

Yesterday afternoon my nephew, Ryan, and myself were heading into town. We talked about going to see a movie and we had the following conversation (paraphrased because my mind is cracked):

Me: Do you want to go see a movie?
Ryan: Sure. I'll get the tickets while you get the condiments.
Me: Get the what?
Ryan: The condiments. Popcorn and drinks. I want a Sprite.
Me: Dude. It's called concessions. You put condiments on top of the concessions.
Ryan: Oh, yea. That's what I meant.

Well needless to say I had a great laugh. We drove by the theater but it was packed so we decided to get a bite to eat (Given the nature of the conversation). We went to the local IHOP and we both ordered chicken fried steak. It was good. Very good in fact.

So anyway we get back to talking about his error in word selection. It leads us to asking the question what makes an item a condiment. Salt and pepper? Condiments. Bacon bits? Condiment. But what about butter? Well, this led us to trying to define condiment. Well I looked it up (as of the writing of this post, not at the IHOP) and Webster says:

'something used to enhance the flavor of food ; especially : a pungent seasoning'

*** Actually, I only looked up the definitions for the purpose of writing this and clarifying things. We did pretty much nail them during the course of our conversation. ***

Ok, fair enough. So butter is a condiment. But what about garlic toast (which came with my meal)? Since the butter is a requirement of the food then is it a condiment? We decided in that instance it wasn't since without the butter it's not garlic toast. Then Ryan asked about jelly. No I said. If you make a sandwich with it then it is not a condiment. What if you put it on your toast at breakfast? Well, I suppose in that case it is a condiment. Yea, that made sense. A food item could be both. So for the next 15 to 20 minutes we went over a list of foods that could be condiments depending on the application when we got to gravy. More specifically the gravy on our chicken fried steak. Did I mention it was very good already?

We both opted to get the gravy on the side. I do this normally because this way the coating on the steak doesn't get soggy. Anyway, is the gravy a condiment? Well, I suppose an argument could be made that it is, since it does fall within Websters definition. But what is gravy really? Well Webster says it is a sauce. Well what is a sauce? Webster says that a sauce is a condiment. Now there is more to both of the definitions but for our purposes this is sufficient. So, gravy, by definition, is a condiment. But going back to the breakfast reference with jelly, what about biscuits and gravy? You can't have that dish without the gravy so is it a condiment? It is still gravy but in that specific application is it a condiment? We both agreed that in that case it is not.

So back to the setting the gravy on the side. In this case the gravy was simply removed from the dish to be used as a dip. Crikes! Dammit all to hell! Is a dip a condiment? Could it be considered a topping? Is a topping a condiment? Well here it gets hard to distinguish. Again they all fit the definition but wait a sec.

When you order a pizza what do you put on it? Toppings. Veggies, meat, cheese. The sauce that goes on a pizza is considered a topping. But if you get the sauce, or additional sauce, on the side is that sauce a dip? Well here is what Mr. Webster has to say about a topping:

something that forms a top ; especially : a garnish (as a sauce, bread crumbs, or whipped cream) placed on top of a food for flavor or decoration

Please note that a sauce can be a topping. But we have already established that a sauce is, by definition, a condiment. So then this states that a topping is a condiment. But if you order, for example, a cheese pizza then is the sauce, placed between the crust and the cheese, a topping or a condiment. Well, according to Mr. Webster a topping can be a sauce and a sauce is a condiment. So this means that by definition a topping is a condiment so this means that the cheese, which no one would argue is a topping, is also a condiment. Does this mean a grilled cheese sandwich is just bread with a condiment on it?

Are you confused yet? We certainly were. So at this point Ryan and I start tossing out other food items and try to classify them. Mayonnaise? Sauce, dip and condiment. Salad dressing? Sause, dip, and condiment. It seems kind of like a situational thing. Hey now we are on to something. Most things can fall into any category but a lot depends on the specific situation. Kind of like the jelly example. A PB&J means the jelly is not a condiment. Spread on your toast at breakfast means it is being used as one. So the whole condiment/sauce/dip/topping debate really is situational and the time spent discussing it was not well spent.

Then Ryan asks the kicker question. Is an ice cube a condiment? Damn him and his youthful curiosity. I said no. He said yes. Given what we were thinking I said a ice cube could not be a condiment but Ryan kept insisting that it is. Iced tea requires ice cubes but water does not. Ice water? No, you can chill water without adding ice cubes. Slushie? No, doesn't qualify. We involve the waitress at this point. She was a good sport while we briefly explained our discussion. She said an ice cube would be a condiment. I told her she was entitled to her opinion, even if it was wrong. We all laughed.

To be honest I still think an ice cube will never qualify as a condiment. Yes, it does enhance the flavor of certain items. Chilled water is better than room temperature water. Iced tea is self explanatory. Ice cubes are not toppings, unless you have some kind of strange fetish, or dips or sauces. So it boils it down to the primary purpose of the entire discussion. I still say no and Ryan still says yes. If you want to weigh in on this feel free to comment on why you think it is, or isn't.

Now does this post today have any further meaning? Nope. I just found, in retrospect, the whole conversation quite funny. The amount of mental energy we expended to reach the conclusions we reached could have been better spent on something constructive. Of course, it allowed me to get my mind off my problems and just havea good laugh about something so inane, so utterly useless, that I will, some day far in the future, think back about this and have another heary guffaw about it.

I do hope that when Ryan is an old married man, with kids of his own, he will tell the story; the story of the day he and his uncle sat in an IHOP discussing what makes something a condiment. Of course I hope they all get a good laugh out of it.

Well that is all for today my friends. I hope you had a good time reading my story. Feel free to pass it along. Have a great weekend folks. I'm off to do something random, silly, and probably bad for me.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled internet.

It's Friday. Do you know where your mind is at?

2009-07-31T13:47:00.003-04:00

Just a few things today. I am not feeling particularly well. In fact, my right eyeball is throbbing right now and it is making my brain squeamish.

I still have no clue what my final English grade is. This is sort of pissing me off. We, the students, are expected to be in class on time, turn in our work on time, report problems on time, ask questions in a timely fashion, and generally be slaves to someone's timetable. If we fail to act like a responsible adult we are held accountable for it. As a student it is usually in the form of a lower grade. Fair enough I say.

Now what recourse do I have when my instructor fails at all the above items. Should she not also be held accountable for not acting like a responsible adult? Is there any punishment for her not doing her job in a timely fashion? Nope. I say as a college instructor she should be setting the example for us, the students in her class, on how we should be acting. I guess, though, that since she is in charge of the class it's more of a 'Do as I say, not as I do' mentality. In the real world at a real job that just will not fly. Unless you are a bleeding heart, racist, liberal, douche bag. But I could be wrong. Oh my, almost left out narcissistic, egotistical, blowhard.

Bitter? Why, what ever gave it away? Moving on.

I picked up my books for next semester already. I am taking a PhysEd class and need new shoes. Since I wear a 15 wide (No, don't even go there) I had to have a pair ordered in. They should be here next week. About $65 with tax and everything for a pair of New Balance cross trainers, not too bad. I need to get 3-4 pairs of workout shorts, tshirts and maybe some sweats. Don't have the money for that right at the moment. Maybe an armored truck will wreck in front of the house? Hmmmm. A Ben & Jerry's truck would be far more appreciated.

I have been following a few blogs closely and kind of ignoring others. It is nothing personal but I wanted to take a break from reading about MS for a bit. I think I am feeling a wee bit depressed about everything and needed to cheer up a bit. Thanks to GypsyFox and her Twilight fetish I had a couple of great laughs. The "pit"falls encountered over at Jenni's blog had me laughing so hard my sides hurt. And poor, poor Ann dealing with a heatwave. It made me feel better. I had a great talk with some friends yesterday (One of them is preggers, lol... she is still emotionally sifting through that bit of news) and just spent some time doing nothing. Thinking about whatever buzzed through my warped mind. Most of it I can not, will not, talk about here.

I will get back to reading all the great blogs and catching up with everyone in a few days. I didn't realize how worked up I had gotten myself heading into final exams at the beginning of the week. It feels good to act normal. Please be aware that normal for me would be considered white jacket worthy for the average person. Add in my MS and my diabetes and we go someplace totally off the grid.

Listed above are a couple of links. One is to the movie Julie and Julia. It opens next weekend and I am so looking forward to it. I have great memories of watching Julia Child on tv with my mom. We would soak up her words like they were mana from the sky. We always felt so much better after her show. Fun times.

The other is for a link to a site that has some live music by Kelly Clarkson. They also have a lot of other stuff but the link is to watch a video of Kelly covering the Patsy Cline song Walkin' after midnight. Even if you don't like Kelly (and how could you live with yourself if that is the case) take a listen.

Ok, my nephew is finally ready for us to go do something. 2:30 in the afternoon and he just now gets is arse in gear. I might have to leave him somewhere. Oh yea, we went and ate at a great place in Moultrie yesterday. If you happen to find yourself in Moultrie, Georgia go have a bite over at Cedar River Seafood. Ask for Savannah (The short one with dark hair) to wait on you. Great food and Savannah rocks. Anyway, he spotted a sign there and didn't know what it meant. I had to explain that it just meant that things were fantastic. It kind of summed up how I felt yesterday. What did the sign say?

Gooder 'n grits!

Yea, life this week has been. How about you?

Adios Amoebas!

Done with finals and teaching?

2009-07-29T22:45:00.003-04:00

For those that are playing the home game I took the last of my finals today. I aced the history exam and did well enough on the math exam. The tally is as follows:

American Government: A
American History after 1877: A
Algebra: C
English: Not a frickin clue

My English grade is the only hold out. She still has not posted anything and as of about 10 minutes ago no response to my email requesting my final grade. Personally I feel like I should have an 'A' in that class but who knows. That class was some kind of freaky. When you get a test with the URL from where it was printed still at the bottom that's not too bad. When the URL reads, www.teacherneedshelp.com then you begin to worry about the grading system. My research paper was very good and the presentation I did was well received by the class. If you don't know or can't recall it was on MS and the effects chronic fatigue and cognitive fog on college students (me). Several of my classmates requested copies of the paper and everyone else who read it thought it was very good. We shall see but I am itching to know what my grade was.

Once again I was told I should be a teacher. My History instructor is the new one here. Everyone, even some of my classmates I helped, feels I would be very good at it. I just don't want to go through all that crap for the BA minimum you need for primary education. Not that I could not do it, I just don't want to. I want to get in to a cushy job working on computers and computer networks (maybe security but I don't know for sure yet) and not work too hard.

Selfish?

Perhaps. I would be a good teacher. I have been for years in most of the jobs I held. Maybe I will revisit this after I graduate in 2011. Maybe.

So what else, OH! I am tormenting my nephew. In fact, when I get done and post this I think I will go get him with a squirt bottle of cold water. He went to bed 30 minutes ago. muwahahahahahahahaha <gasp> hahahahahahahahahaha!

Ok, I need to go shoot up now. And further torment my young relative. Then go to bed cause dammit I'm tired.

Later taters!!

Whatcha dooooin?, Part deux!

2009-07-27T13:03:00.002-04:00

Ok, when last you left your intrepid blogger he was lamenting over the fact that he had to start thinking about things before he did them. Well, that might be a bit of a stretch but whatever.

I had mentioned that we, the collective we; the we with MS, need to take a look at the things we are currently doing and those things we want to do. When we look we need to be honest and look at what the impact will be at the start, during, and at the end of the activity. Since each person is unique the answers for a given task set (i.e. getting up, taking a shower, brushing your teeth, and getting dressed) might be vastly different. We all have some basic idea of how difficult that task is for ourselves and how much effort we must expend to accomplish it.

For myself it is not terribly difficult. Assuming I am not too cramped/stiff/lazy to get up in the morning the process is fairly smooth and doesn't take too much time. It does not come back to haunt me later in the day. If you apply the same task set to someone confined to a wheelchair then the effort goes up considerably. If you take this person and apply only the most basic of restrictions you still have a huge amount of effort to accomplish a task I barely think about. This person will likely be troubled by the expenditure of effort later in the day, possibly even as soon as a few hours.

If you break your day into these task sets you can then break down these sets into areas based on effort put in versus possible issues later. The example I used is one that all people go through daily (well, I hope daily). There are a lot and I will certainly not try to list them here but some of the more obvious ones are:

- Preparing breakfast

- Checking the mail

- Attending a doctor appointment

- Mowing the lawn

As you can see these are ordinary task sets and each one will be different to one degree or another for each person with MS. The extent to which the disease has taken hold, house vs. apartment, single (with or without caregiver) or significant other, summer or winter, and the list goes on and on. No one person could make a comprehensive list of these sets for anyone other than themselves and certainly could not begin to guess at how easy or difficult a given task, much less the entire set, might be.

I started making a list of the things I do on a daily basis and then began separating them into task sets. Now to be honest the set I used as an example is not complete for myself (I have making coffee, taking out the garbage, and a few others listed) but I thought it was general enough to apply to the population as a whole. I will not bore you with the list I have thus far but I would strongly suggest you do this for yourself. While you are at it, list the things you do on occasion (Do you weed the garden or mow the grass every day?) and create a category for them. Pretty much all of us knows how we are likely to feel after doing something particularly rough (Fixing the cement driveway over the weekend tore me up for Sunday). With this list we can better plan for things or possibly better track if continuing to perform these activities gets any easier with time. Or if they get worse.

Will this work for everyone? Nope. It doesn't mean that you should not still be asking yourself the question. You might find some surprising answers that help you to have a less stressful, painful, or tiring day. As a side note you could pass this along to your normal friends. Let them do this for themselves and then compare it to yours. It might help them to better understand just what you go through to simply live each day.

I find it quite interesting that since my hospitalization and subsequent diagnosis I pay more attention to what it is I am doing. The one bad point is that with many things I am having to just do them and then see what the effect is. Sometimes it is ok and other times the sucktitude meter is off the scale. But that's the way it is going to be. Trial and error. Mix and Match. The list, while never ever really complete, will help me be more careful of those things I know have a price.... or if I am willing to pay the price.

Much thanks to Isabella for asking, "Whatcha doooin?"

and remember;

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled internet.

Whatcha dooooin?

2009-07-24T10:02:00.002-04:00

I have a confession to make. Actually, I have several but I didn't want to scare you away right off the bat. Is it possible to scare you people away? I mean come on, how bad are things in the world when people end up here, at my blog, reading my insane ramblings, silly quotes, and other things of no significant consequence? Pretty bad me thinks. At least my nephew doesn't sugar coat it when he says I am rude, mean, and an overall pain in the ass. Of course, I just tell him to shut up get back to work in the yard. rofl!

This leads me to a quick story about him. Sunday afternoon we were coming back from town after I had taken him to see Harry Potter (which means I have seen it twice and well worth it) and to get dinner. We went to my favorite Chinese buffet and gorged ourselves like a couple of crocodiles at the riverbank during a wildebeest migration. We were both sleepy but since I was driving I thought it might be bad form to take a nap. He, however, was dozong peacefully in the passenger seat of my truck. Head back, eyes closed, breathing slow and steady and then it came to me. A practical joke to make him soil himself. I waited until he was sleeping for a few minutes and there was no traffic behind us. Then..... all at the same time I slammed my hand on the dashboard, slammed on the brakes, and yelled "LOOK OUT" at the top of my lungs. At this point I must confess, I wish I had a video camera running. He bolted upright in his seat, eyes the size of Waffle House pancakes, and gasping for air while trying to climb backwards through the seat all the while trying to figure out what was going on. After a few moments of hilarity, on my part, he realized I was pranking him. By now I am laughing so hard I could barely keep the truck in a straight line but it was worth it. The look on his face was, dare I say it, priceless. I think you all should be made aware of two things. The first is that he did not soil himself (thankfully since it is my truck) and he was mad as a wet cat. I am laughing at him right now as I type this. Good times I tells ya, good times.

School. What can I say. English class is over and I am sure I passed with at least B. I won't know until she posts the grades next week. Sucktitude. I am not worried about History. I only need 33 on the final for a B so I am golden there. Math on the other hand is still a concern. I got a 68 on the last test. I studied my ass off and was even showing classmates how to work the problems before class, minutes before the test. when I got the test though, my mind went blank. I used the entire class period to answer what I could and still left maybe 3 or 4 unanswered because I just could not figure out how to work them. The instructor says I should not worry because I will pass. I wish I could believe that. Finals are next Wednesday.

At this point I would like to make an observation. For the entire semester I have been asking people, in both History and Math, to form a study group so we could work together in learning the information. Help shore up the weaker areas and solidify the stronger ones. I practically begged them but nothing. Now this week everyone is coming to me saying they want to get with me to cover material and form a study group. I agreed because it really is never too late. Well, the day of finals will be but you know what I mean. I will be meeting with several of my history classmates next week. Good on them. The ones in math though simply walked out of the room at the end of class without saying anything. We will all suffer a little more for it. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

Let's see now... made fun of my nephew, check! Talked about school, check! Ahhh, my battle of the bulge. It has been a rough week. Between the stress of tests this week and prepping for finals next week I have been a bad, bad boy. I have not walked in the mornings at all. Not because I felt poorly but just because I didn't feel like walking. Also, I have been eating more than I should. Two trips to the buffet this week as well as an increase in coffee and cookies at the coffee shop. Also at home I have been eating more. I did get on the scale this morning and I still lost 2 pounds so I am down to 317. I was very surprised by this. It may catch up to me next week if I don't do something about it now. there is some yard work my nephew andI are going to do tomorrow (I might take pics) but I need to do my walking. I will let you know how that goes.

Now on to the confession. The title to this post was shamelessly borrowed from a Disney Channel cartoon, Phineas and Ferb. One of the characters, Isabella, has a huge crush on Phineas and whenever she arrives on scene she always asks him 'Whatcha dooooin?'. I have to say I watch the cartoon every chance I get. It is funny and I always laugh. If you have not seen it go on over to the site here. i think you will like it. This long lead in comes to a point now. Lately I have been asking myself that question.

When I allow myself to become stressed, stay out in the heat of the day too long, or push myself harder than I know I should I have to step back and ask myself that question. I know that it will lead to flare-ups of my MS symptoms which is not good at all. I have to get in the habit of asking that question before these things happen so I can avoid putting myself in the position of paying for it later. We all need to do this. Not only as it relates to our illnesses but just in general.

I need to cut this short right now but in my next post I am going to go into detail about this. I will also cover some other points that have been cropping up in my life in regards to my MS and my Diabetes. If you have any questions then drop me a line or leave a comment. I do read them and often respond but I would like to get an idea what other people, even those that are perfectly healthy, are thinking.

Later taters!!!

I hurt therefore I am

2009-07-20T20:22:00.004-04:00

Play on words there. They are true though. I woke up this morning and my right leg felt like it was in a vice, my left upper arm was cramped, and my neck had a kink in it the size of my ego (By the way, that's big. Really big. Not Texas big but close enough for government work). Now what woke me up was the alarm clock. It sits across the room.

Yep. I said across the room. That way I have to get up to turn it off making me less likely to lay back down and fall asleep. I learned to do that years ago. I was always late for stuff like work, church, social activities, court... you know, life in general. I might mention here that if you have to appear in court for ANYTHING don't be late. Judges tend to take a very dim view of tardiness. Much more so than college instructors.

So anyways, I see the clock and I hear the clock. I just can't seem to get my roly-poly arse out of the bed. It would seem that the combination of the right leg and left arm were sufficient to mess up my ability to sit up or pretty much anything resembling horizontal or vertical progress. That took about 30 minutes. I finally got the cramp loosened up and the crick mostly worked out. ahhhhhh. Sweet relief. The leg I can work with. I manage to get to my feet only to find out I can't feel the big toe and the two piggies next to him... on both my feet. *le sigh*

Well right away I can tell it's going to be a fun day. Eventually I get the alarm turned off and get a shower. The feeling comes back in both big toes in the shower. Thank god. Well, not god actually.... it's more like thank Kenmore for making a water heater that dispenses really hot water. I think anyway. It could be increased blood flow from standing upright. Maybe it was all in my head. No, that's can't be it because we already know there isn't anything rattling around up there. Whatever.

By the time I make my 8am class I have most of the feeling back in my feet, the crick is completely gone, and the cramp is a distant memory. Now I was going to going walking this morning but I did not, as you can imagine. 30 minutes to get vertical made me forget all about the walking. But I came to a couple of realizations today.

The first is that the pain, fleeting or steady as it is from one moment to the next, reminds me I am alive. Not that I would wish to be dead. No, that would involve an entire bottle of Jose Cuervo and the next morning. In this I have lots of practice. Perhaps, in the grand scheme of things, too much practice. They say practice makes perfect and by golly I practiced. Waking up on a cold January morning curled up in the drivers seat of my mustang 2 counties away from my house made me stop practicing though. But I digress.

The other thing is that I think my body has assumed control. I had announced to my nephew that I was going to go walking this morning and he said he would go with me. It's funny that the few days previous I mad no such declaration and felt fine when I woke up. Well, fine being a relative term but well enough to get out and walk. Now previous to that I had stated I would walk and the days I had set aside for it and said I was going to walk to someone I felt like crap. My physical form is conspiring with my MS to keep me inside. Damn you!!

Ok, that's a stretch but odd none the less. So now I sit here thinking about you know what but I'll be damned if I am going to say it out loud. We'll see in the morning and I'll let you know.

And for those playing along at home I got an 87 on my history test. Not as well as I would have liked but not bad. Even if I don't take the final I will finish with a C average. I will take the final because I am only 33 points from the B that I set out to get. I think even I am lucky enough to get 33 right on the final (Never mind the fact I know the info pretty good).

My average in math is a 73. I have a test tomorrow and then the final next week. If I can pull a C I will be giddy. Giddy as what you may ask yourself.... giddy as a school girl on her first date! To be honest I will be happy to get out with a D. I have my fingers crossed.

Well, I think that is all for today. I will leave you with this one pearl of wisdom.

If at first you don't succeed... try, try again.

Ok, I know it's not a funny like I usually end with but I wanted to be positive tonite.

Later taters!
{Small edit for spelling errors. Sorry!}

Awww damn I'm tired

2009-07-18T18:11:00.002-04:00

I was going to post a review of the new Harry Potter flick. I am just too tired at this point to type up a lengthy one so here goes the quickie version.

The movie picked up where #5 left off. Nice. The storyline was not overly complex but it focused mainly on the relationships between the schoolmates, mostly. The acting was far better than in previous movies, the overall use of CGI for the magic in their world was quite subtle and helped the movie progress nicely. I liked it. I liked it a lot. I am going back to see it tomorrow with my nephew.

There is a moment near the end of the movie that had me saying (to myself since I was in a theater crowded with small and young children); 'What the f**k?' It fit and it worked but I didn't like it. From what I have been told it followed the book extremely well. I have not read any of the books but I may break down after the last 2 movies are released (Book 7 is to be split in to 2 movies) and actually strain my eyeballs. Then again I will probably just buy the DVD's and complete the set and watch them over and over and over and... whew I am tired.

I give this movie, on a scale of Frog to Infinity, a wombat snogging a platypus. Of course since only I know the conversion formula (from my scoring system to the standard 1-10 rating) I will also tell you it rates a solid 9+. Go see it. Use the bathroom before going in, pack a lunch, complete your will, and inform the family you will be gone for a while. It is 2.5 hours long and closer to 3 with the previews and other stuff (at least it was at my theater). Well worth the price of admission.

===============

Ok, on to more important things. I posted 2 news pictures on my page above (You kinda can't miss them when you land here). I was over at GypsyFox's site and noticed she has a thing for stuff that is older than I am. It is a lovely site and I enjoy the vintage style pictures and theme (Go check it out if you have not been there). I saw a cookbook icon of the old Betty Crocker cookbook and I remembered something. My father and I are currently in possession of two BC cookbooks my mom got from her mom. That is what the pictures are of (By the way, I will shrink them down and move them to the side in a few days). I remember my mom using them all the time and my dad still refers to them on occasion. They were well used and show it. I thought everyone would get a kick out of them though.

I picked up my nephew from the airport today. He is tired. He has been complaining that he had to get up at 4am this morning. Poor thing must be absolutely tuckered out. I mean heaven forbid he should have to get up before noon on one day of his summer vacation. I feel so sorry for him. He just stopped in to tell me he is laying down to take a nap. WTH? At 6:30 in the evening? Damned slackers. I will give him an hour to get good and asleep then my little friend ice water and I are going in to say hello. Might have to try to get some pics. If I do I will post them here.

Ummm, what else. Drugs. Forgot my shots last nite. I fell asleep, way early, and slept until almost 3 this morning. Said to hell with it, rolled back over and went back to sleep. Yea, yea. I know. This is the first one I have missed so cut me some slack. Come to think of it I missed my teeth whitening procedure last nite as well. Well poop. Going to have to make sure I don't miss anything tonite.

I am playing in the beta test of a new MMO called Aion. I chose to play a female toon. A friend from another game used to say that makes the toon a 'shim' (She played by a he). I have made it clear that if I have to stare at the ass of an avatar I am not going to be creeped out in any way. No, you don't have to go there so don't bother asking. Got it?!

It's a nice enough game but the attraction is I can fly. Only for short periods but who cares. I can fly. All well and good but if I am way up when my energy runs out it ends badly. Kind of like not paying attention to which mount you are on in WoW (World of Warcraft) and running off a cliff in Northrend (Some have wings, some don't). It is one of those stupid moments where you look around to see if anyone witnessed you act of superior moronitude... kind of like when you are walking through a busy mall and trip on the ever so thin air in front of you.

What else can I talk about? Hmmmm, I could talk about politics. I think I will start another blog dedicated to anything political. Stupid cat tricks? Not enough space on the internet for that. I need to write Caitlin a return letter. She is a sweety and I miss her laugh. She is just a friend and I like it that way. Oh she is adorable and cute and silly (just the way I like em) but there is only one problem. She is only 18. Just a friend, nothing more. She is out of state as a missionary and I promised to write to her. We have already sent each other one letter so the ball is in my court. I will do that tomorrow.

My eyeballs hurt now. I think I am going to shoot up, self medicate, and then pop in a movie. Something pointless and without value me thinks. I don't own anything with Steven Segal or Jean Claude van Damme so no comedies. BOOOO! Bad joke! Bad Joke! Sorry for that folks. They always sound far better in my head than they look like once I type them out.

Laters taters!

and remember this pearl of wisdom:
If you can not find it in your heart to forgive then your heart will never know forgiveness.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled internet.

All the news that's unfit to print

2009-07-17T08:49:00.002-04:00

Ok, the title might be a skosh misleading... and by skosh I mean more than a little... and by more than a little I mean a lot. HEY! I'm kind of like the main stream media now! Another post...

I was going to post this afternoon and review the new Harry Potter and cover a few other things but I could not wait.

I did not walk this morning. Just didn't feel up to it. I have to go by the bank for dad, do some grocery shopping, drop by the department of labor (I will have to post about that one day), and some other stuff of no real importance. Since the bank doesn't open until 9 I spent the morning goofing around on the computer, browsing some of the blogs, and occasionally examining the inside of my eyelids (Nothing worth seeing there).

So I was getting ready and decided to jump on the scale one day earlier. I know, I know.... should be weighing once a week on the same day under the same conditions but I opted to throw caution to the wind. I am on the edge folks, on the EDGE I tells ya! aherm. Sorry. So I get on the scale and while doing my Squinty McGee impersonation the scale says I have picked up 3 pounds. HOLY CRAP! For the record I used a word that means crap but can't be said on network tv. Ok, now I am pissed. I get off the scale and take a long hard look in the mirror. I cut back on my eating, increased my water intake, cut out most of the sodas, stopped going to the chinese buffet, even started a little walking, and taking the long way around campus. I even started eating a healthy cereal and taking a multi-vitamin.

Bah, dammit. I bend over to push the scale under the sink so I don't have to look at it and notice something odd. The scale is not zeroed (It is not a digital scale). Hmmm. I zero it and decide to try again. This time it is a different result. 319 pounds. WOW! I lost six pounds this week. I am as giddy as a school girl with her first crush. Ok, that was creepy. Still moving in the right direction which is good.

So now I am off to run my errands and take care of what I need to get done today. One of my nephews is coming to visit from Colorado on Saturday. Slave labor really. I need help with some stuff around the yard and since my dad is in a wheelchair he can't help. I might even put him to work tomorrow after he gets here. Start him off right. muwahahahahahaha. No, I'm just kidding, mostly.

So I had a good week in school and lost some weight. Life is good at the moment. I will likely post my review of the new Harry Potter tonight sometime. I hate going to the bank and cna't put it off any longer. Later folks!!

Remember:
A bird in the hand equals a really messy hand!

I now return you to your regularly scheduled internet.

Mike

Short and to the point.

2009-07-16T14:06:00.003-04:00

Don't have a lot of time today so this will be a quickie (not to be confused with the other quickie nor the local sandwich shop).

History test... I felt like I did well on it. A couple of the questions had me confused for a few minutes but I think I answered them just fine. The short answer questions were answered with short responses. Not as lengthy as Mr. Carter will like but I should get a decent amount of credit for what I wrote.

I turned in my research paper for English Comp and did my presentation on it. For those not up to speed I did it on MS and how fatigue and cognitive issues affect me as a student. It is not a long paper and could really stand to be fleshed out a lot more but for a basic paper (limited to 5-7 pages) it works. I wasn't terribly happy with the start but I finished strong. Lots of questions from both the class and my instructor. I think I gave them something to think about. I might post a copy of the paper for you folks to take a look at. I feel like I will get an A for it.

I did not walk this morning or yesterday morning. When I woke up my legs and back hurt so bad I just lay there listening to the alarm clock wail for an hour before I could get out of bed. I took a lot of aspirin to quench the nasty, eye popping, tooth-grinding headache. It helped a little. Once I got through the shower and brushing my teeth (for some reason that made my eyes hurt but I don't have a clue on that one) I felt a little better. I was still real stiff by the time I got to my first class but I am dealing. Lets see how I feel tomorrow morning before deciding if I will walk when I get up.

Found a great blog so go check it out here. It is quite the site and rather nice. Make it a regular stop, I have. I will be updating my main page to reflect a number of the blogs I have been going to regularly. Lets show some support for our fellow (is fellowette a real word?) bloggers. Lisa Emrich over at Carnival of MS Bloggers does a great job and much thanks to her. I don't know how she does it. If I can find an artist I might have to create an award of my own to give out.

Ok, need to wrap up so I can go see the new Harry Potter while I still have the strength and sanity to. I will let you fine people know it is.

Remember this important fact:
Getting struck by lightning is Mother Nature's way of saying, "Don't stand there!"

I now return you to your regularly scheduled internet!

Mike

New cereal... yummy or is it all lies?

2009-07-15T17:41:00.004-04:00

Welcome back (and just welcome if this is your first time here)!

I was looking for something to write about and then I remembered my cereal. Cereal you ask? Why yes, cereal. Now I know what you are thinking... I think I know what you are thinking but lets just throw it out there and see. You are thinking, "DO NOT GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT!" You would not be totally wrong to think that but that will be for when I talk about the movie Poltergeist.

I was browsing through my local grocery chain's health food section and found myself sorely disappointed. Now I am certainly not a nutritional expert but I am thinking that a case of exlax, 40 rolls of extra-strength charmin, and an industrial size box of depends just doesn't qualify. I could be wrong... yea, and bats the size of geese might fly out of my arse!

So I decided to look for a healthy cereal. For those of you who have been around for more than 20 years you might recall that the cereal isle was maybe 20 feet long and consisted of around a dozen selections with shredded wheat and grape nuts as the "healthy" alternative. Otherwise the choice was usually some type of chocolate frosted sugar bomb (Borrowed from Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes - opens in a new window) that parents did not mind feeding you. Ah, those were the days. I can remember it like it was yesterday.... oh, sorry. Started daydreaming for a moment there.

Where was I? OH! A new cereal. Anyway, I was perusing the cereal isle when I came across this new (says it is on the box even) cereal made by this health food company that starts with a 'K' and rhymes with Tashi. It is a plain looking brown cardboard box, green background art on the front, and the name of it. The name is 7 WHOLE GRAIN FLAKES & GRANOLA WITH BLACK CURRANTS & WALNUTS. Seemed kind of long winded to me but I thought, what the hell. The front of the box points out that it promotes the vitality of 5 body systems; Heart, Immunity, Bone, Digestion, and Mind. Holy Crap Batman!!! (This will be even funnier in a little bit). This must be the holy grail of breakfast cereals. I am so going to try this cereal.

So I get the box home, pour me a bowl, and slosh some whole milk over it. As I am walking back to my computer I am looking in the bowl. It doesn't look bad. The small, round, blackish/purplish things (I suppose those are the currants) are starting to stain the milk a nice shade of fucia. I suddenly wish I would have bought the Cocoa Puffs instead. You can't go wrong with chocolate milk. Ok, so I get to my computer, set the box down to look at the nutritional label and stir the contents of the bowl. It looks like something that might be healthy.

I see bits of what I strongly suspect to be walnuts. Not sure why I think that but lets roll with it. The flakes remind me of another cereal... some sort of a bran type product with 2 scoops of small sun dried fruits in it. Ok, so we have some healthy looking flakes made up of some whole grains, some round things that seems to be coloring my milk an odd shade, and some nuts. Not too bad but I don't see the granola yet - oh there it is. It is not granola clusters but actual loose stuff. I can live with this. I scoop up a mouthful of the stuff with my spoon (I don't use regular spoons but the ones that are the next size up) and shove it in. *munch* *munch* *crunch* (that was the walnuts) *munch* >gulp<

Not too bad. Good flavor, lots of texture. No funky aftertaste and it doesn't hurt my mouth (like the aforementioned grape nuts). Very nice actually. So while I am shoveling in the rest of the bowl I start reading the side of the box. Only 200 calories per serving. Say now, that's pretty good. 3.5g of fiber (2g polyunsaturated and .5g monounsaturated... no clue where the other 1g is at but whatever), nice. No cholesterol, only 125mg of sodium and it has 120mg of potassium. I am feeling good now.

Oh jeebus. 7g of fiber. That's 26% of what a person needs each day (Remember the Holy Crap Batman comment?). That's a lot for a 1 cup serving. I think I just ate about 2 servings (6 total in the box). Now as a sufferer of MS and several of it's lovely symptoms I should point out now that one of those symptoms might have something to do with the dysfunction of a certain internal organ set. Now I don't know about you but given the problems I already have you would think I eat fiber, cheese, and superglue by the gallon, pound, or whatever other measure adds up to a lot. I don't. In fact I do try to avoid that in the hopes my system will work more right, more often.

Now with the spoon halfway to my mouth I am staring at this and wondering just what the consequences are going to be. It's probably not going to be good. Ugly is the word I would choose to use at this point. I just might be taking a trip back to the health food isle I told you about in the beginning. The two seem to go hand in hand, err, uhh, hand to butt? *le sigh*

Well too late to stop now. So I finish the bowl and keep reading the box. Lots of nice stuff; 25g+ of whole grains per serving, the box is made from 100% recycled paper (minimum 80% post consumer waste), inks are soy based 100% biodegradable, plus all the other normal stuff for these people. I finish the bowl and down the rest of the milk. Sticking to the recommended serving size would be a good idea me thinks.

In case you don't know what cereal I am talking about you can click here (<--- There, not here) to go to their website for more information. I did pick up a second box by these people but of a different type. The other one has dried strawberries in it. I like strawberries. So go check out their site and if you eat cereal try this stuff. It really is quite tasty. Of course if you really don't need a lot of fiber you might want to just go with the chocolate frosted sugar bombs.

Remember these words of wisdom (again from Calvin, who is one of my heroes btw):
When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled internet.

Mike

School, walking and people

2009-07-14T13:47:00.003-04:00

I think I am going to address these in reverse order (why? because I can!).

People
I have always been a fan of the 'everyone but me sucks' theorem. Let me see if I can fully explain this. The way I see it I am always right and even more so when you are. This means in order to justify myself you have to suck therefore nullifying your rightness. By default that makes me right. If this makes sense to you then you are as whacked out as I am and welcome to my world.

Now I can explain what brought this up. I have tried to be patient, understanding, caring, thoughtful.... you get the general idea... but still certain people try to take advantage of my niceness. They assume weakness where there is none (ok, there is some but I'm always right so there!). I try to do something nice and the accusations start flying like crap at a cow chip chucking contest. A woman I know, who has been nothing but cordial with me, was in need of some help. I offered to help. A mutual friend told her I was only trying to get in her pants. wtf?!?! What makes this even worse is that she believed it. wtf?!?!(squared)

Now I not only want to punch this friend in the cooter for this lie but I want to slap the woman for believing it. I have known her for more than 6 years and never once have I even made a move in her direction so all I can say is, wtf?!?! Ok, so people suck... suck to the power of 13.

Walking
I did a 4 mile walk Saturday. That is not going to happen again any time soon. Sunday was a bad day. Monday morning I got my arse outside, at about 5am, and figured I would do a mile then work my way up from there. At the end I was tired and sore but I felt pretty good. Took my shower and went to school and was feeling really bad by about 10am. On my way home I thought I was gonna die my legs and feet hurt so bad. I decided to drive the route I walked and guess what? Turns out it was about 2.3 miles. DOH! Ok, so this morning I get up and drag myself out for my walk and decide to do the same 2.3 mile route. I don't feel near as bad right now as I did yesterday so I am guessing in a few weeks I will be ok with this distance. My dad said I should start with wind sprints. I pointed out that if my heart were to explode then he would have to clean up the mess. He said to do it outside.

I don't think I will be doing wind sprints anytime soon. Not without my ass being on fire anyway.

School
I finished my research paper and submitted it to the Writing Center yesterday for review. I worried about how badly they would tear it apart all last night and this morning. I picked it up and was very surprised that there was not that much wrong with it. Mainly it was comma usage, the use of 'you' and 'your' and a little bit of spelling (I blame Microsoft Word for the spelling errors. It should have caught shouuld). I made the corrections and will take it to print out in a few minutes. Then I can turn it in tomorrow and I am done. yay!

I have a history test this week that I might not do so well on. I have an algebra test next week that I feel ok about. That just leave finals. English next week then history and math the week after and then I get a break. I am looking forward to that. I think it is like a week and a half before Fall semester so I will get a chance to unwind a bit before starting my computer classes and a PhysEd class. Oh joy. The PhysEd class is 8am MoWeFr and the computer (cisco) is TuTh at 6pm. Going to be a weird schedule but I am looking forward to it.

Ok, I have been typing too long already. I am also sure I will read this later and find a ton of spelling and grammar errors to fix. I might. I might not. Don't know if I care that much yet.

Later everyone and remember this:

You can only be offended if you allow yourself to be. Suck it up and move forward.

Mike

Exercise, day 1

2009-07-11T11:22:00.002-04:00

Got up early. Weighed myself. For those that might be playing along at home the number is 325. Popped in my Tai Chi for Beginners DVD. Spent about 30 minutes trying to get the first 3 moves down. Spent the first 30 minutes trying not to fall over. Made some progress but wasn't the slightest bit worked out. Tried an old workout tape I found in my closet. Wood floor with a crawlspace+325 pound man+jumping jacks = dad wondering if we were having an earthquake (small house btw).

Nixed that idea.

Threw on some old sweats and a tshirt with my camo boonie hat (I should get a pic of that just for s&g's. you folks might get a kick out of it) and went walking. Seventy minutes (including the stop to get that rock outta my shoe) and 2.1 miles later I was done. Sweating like crazy but strangely I feel.... not bad. Looks like a lot of walking every morning. Means I will have to be up about 1.5 hours before I normally get up for the walks. yay (and since you can't really tell that was said with a heavy amount of sarcastic undertone).

I might stick a gadgety thing to one side to track weekly weight. We'll see. Another thing I have to do is to stop eating so much (means my favorite Chinese buffet is out, *sob*). Will need to go to the store and look for healthy stuff (like rabbit food for starters. but we don't like rabbit food. yes we do now hush and finish your post.) and some snacks that will be better for me. I suddenly have the oddest craving for tofu right now..... and sushi.

Anyhoodles, going to get my laundry done then go check out the health food section at the grocery store. Being in South Georgia I have low expectations so perhaps I will get a nice surprise. Boy is my regular doctor going to be sooooo mad with me.

I scared myself

2009-07-10T18:29:00.005-04:00

*** Note: I edited this post. Too many misspellings mainly. ***

I scared the poopies out of myself today... well almost. What scared me you might be wondering? I got on the scale this morning. :0

I used to weigh a lot. 426 pounds at my worst. Now a few years ago I managed to get myself down to about 250 but I evened myself out at about 270. I was more than happy about that. I was downright giddy (mental image? ya, I thought so). I had to buy all new clothes, which was nice actually. I went on a rampage throwing away all my old stuff because I told myself I was never going to let myself go like that again. I swear, I actually looked myself in the mirror and spoke the words out loud. I was happy and life was good. This was way back in 2003 btw.

Fast forward to late 2008. I was feeling poorly, the holiday season was upon us and I was eating pretty much everything. I was maintaining my weight at about 275 so I thought life was ok. I was working (12 factory shifts help keep the weight manageable) and the trip to Colorado was still another week out. I figured a few weeks away from home visiting relatives in beautiful Colorado would do me a world of good. I was already aware the plant was going to close in 2009 but not when. Time to worry about that later.

Two days before New Years Eve. My head felt like Dizzy Gillespie was playing his 15th encore inside it, the right half of my head was numb (ya, HEAD), my right arm and right leg were having a personal argument with the rest of my body and were constantly trying to take their ball and go home, and my stomach was threatening a rebellion fairly constantly. My brother asked if I was feeling ok a few times but I blew him off. I didn't want anyone to know how I was feeling. I started chewing aspirin like pez candy and drank nothing but coffee and water. Nothing really helped and it was getting worse.

January 6th my dad and I left for the drive home. I wanted to take the most direct route. He didn't. We drove from Colorado Springs to El Paso (That's Texas for you geographically challenged) and hung a hard left on to I-10. I would like to tell you Texas is "purty" but to be honest I only had one good eye at this point and it really wasn't all that clear. We pulled in the driveway on the evening of the 9th, 2300 or so miles later, and I unloaded the truck and went to bed. Did I mention my dad is confined to a wheelchair?

Dad was mad at me at about 3pm on Saturday cause I was still in bed. After an argument I decided to go to the ER. They freaked. Took me right in, plugged me up and ordered a CT scan. It eventually came back negative so the doctors and nurses could only gripe about what they could have found. They scheduled me for an MRI on Monday and I went home. Dad didn't say anything to me.

Monday morning came and I got jammed into a giant metal tube. I dozed off. I was eventually awakened and told to go out to the waiting area. Maybe 20 minutes later (Could have been 2 hours as my sense of time passage was whacked) the nurse came out and said I needed to be admitted. I refused until someone told me what they found (Really, they could have thumped me and knocked me out cold and did what they wanted). The Radiologist came out, closed the doors to the waiting area and told me. She had been the one to look at my MRI from about 4 years previously, gave a preliminary diagnosis as early MS (I must point out the specialist my insurance company sent me to said no it was not and made me his lab rat for 3 months). This time the lesions were absolutely clear and to add to it my brain was swollen from all the inflammation. I needed treatment.

Some 4 hours later I am lying in a hospital room, IV drip, drip, dripping away, my mind numb with fear, shock, pain, nausea and a host of other not too nice thoughts trudging one after the other through my head. Several nurses introduced themselves but I only took particular note of the cute redhead. She was married. Damn. They said a neurologist would be up sometime that afternoon and my regular doctor had been contacted.

Early evening. I had lunch and dinner and was watching iCarly. I felt a little better but my head was still numb and my right side in general was still being quite the rebellious upstart. I would stumble to the bathroom since I refused to use the pee bucket and the bedpan. The nurses didn't like it. Especially since they had plastered my chart, arm, bed, door and wall above my bed with the same two words: FALL HAZARD. They told me to call a nurse if I needed to go and they would assist me. I told them the only way they would assist me was if I was unconscious. A couple of them gave me a look that told me not to push them too hard or I might find myself that way.

I called my dad. He was worried but unable to do anything (wheelchair). I told him as soon as I got some more info I would call back but don't worry about trying to come down. I called a good friend. She brought me a bag with some clothes, toothbrush and other essentials in it. She said I didn't look too good. Nurse came in to draw blood, give me a shot of insulin and see how much urine I was passing. My friend left. She doesn't like needles.

My neuologist stopped by. Said the words, "Yes. You have MS and here is what we need to do first." Steroids. Have to get the brain unswollen. He was wondering how I was still mobile, much less the 2300 mile drive. I told him, "Because I had to." He didn't like that answer. Three days of massive steroids with a spinal tap on Tuesday. After that we will see. Got first dose that night. Woke up Tuesday morning feeling strange. Oh wait, I was feeling better.

Spinal tap was uneventful. Fluid was clear but eventually tested out that I have MS. Nurses still mad about my wandering aorund the room. Food sucked, but I was actually able to start tasting it. Still sleepy as hell though. Every 4 hours they would wake me up. Check my vitals, give me a shot and then leave me be. Got my second dose of roids that nioght. Woke up Wednesday feeling a lot better but my right side was still protesting their attachment. Not near as vocal though.

Wednesday my doctor came by. Said I would have to be on insulin from now on. Steroids were driving my sugars way up. I hate needles. Neurologist came by. Said I could go home Thursday morning as long as everything checked out. Yay. Food still sucked. I did shave and take a shower that afternoon. Nurses really mad about that. Cest la vie.

Thursday PT (Physical Therapy) people came by. The girl knows my dad from his many trips there (Left leg amputated, two back surgeries). They were the final release I needed. Wanted to know if I needed a walker, Told them no and followed them through their paces. I had to concentrate really hard but I did it. Even beat them back to the room. As long as I didn't have to suddenly change direction I was ok. Was noticing tremors though. They said that was normal. They signed off and I got another dose of roids. Managed to get cut loose at about 4pm. Made it to the truck and immediately went to my favorite Chinse Buffet (Nikki works there. She's cute and I like her. I think she likes me to but I dunno for sure. Maybe yes). Ate and went home.

Told dad everything. He looked worried but didn't say anything. Went to bed. Next morning went and filled my prednisone prescription (1.5 months of that stuff). Had note keeping me out of work for a while. Dropped that off. Was kind of weird stumbling thru the plant. Almost fell a few times. All was well though.

A few months later and I was well enough to return to work but my uniform didn't fit the same. It was a little tight. I had been eating pretty good and I know the steroids can cause some weight gain. Laid off at the end of March. Two weeks later I start on my Copaxone. Doctor says that might cause some minor weight gain. I also stopped smoking. Started cramming food in like, well like I don't know what. The pills I still take for my diabetes have a side effect; weight gain.

Present day. Today. Got on the scale this morning. Lets just say I had passed the 300 pound mark. yikes. Have to do something and I am going to. At least three days a week, starting tomorrow I am going to walk for an hour in the morning. Bought some Tai Chi DVD's (I used to do it years ago, part of how I lost all the weight before). Going to do that at least 2 days a week, prolly 3. Do the Tai Chi on the days I am not walking. Use Sunday as a rest day. Start eating better. Picked up some weight loss stuff, multi-vitamins.

Have to lose this weight. Have to get myself a lot healthier. Going to shoot for the 270 now. Once there will see what I need to do. Was gonna try yoga (There is a local class I can join) but I doon't want to subject other people to me. Not until I can get a handle on things. I very well may use this blog to track my progress. We will see.

Must open DVD's. Tomorrow morning will be Tai Chi (Already made up my mind MWF will be walking). yay!

Mike

OMG moment...

2009-07-09T14:58:00.002-04:00

This will be quick. I just had one of those moments where something clicks in your head so hard your ass wonders what just happened.

I have tried, for the entirety of my life, to be a non-conformist. I wanted to be different, not like the rest of the crowd. I didn't want to be one of the sheeple I see aimlessly wandering through their existence basing their happiness on the newest Paris fashion or what kind of soda the hottest starlets were drinking. I went out of my way to not fit the mold and it caused me more than a little bit of grief over the years (Never good to be too different in high school... ever) but I took it, built on it and always moved forward.

Now that I have MS I think I would give just about anything to be like the rest of the herd. I don't want to be different or stand out. I just want to quietly blend in to the meadow, munch serenely on my posies, live a totally uneventful life, and then keel over quietly in my sleep. I think someone is laughing at me now.

Be careful what you wish for.....

Research paper, or "What did I sign up for again?!"

2009-07-08T07:21:00.007-04:00

* Editors note (That's me btw): This is turning our far longer than I thought it would. The fact that I have added this statement to the beginning is making it that much longer. Do not be discouraged by this. For some reason I find I am unable to stop typing and now find myself resorting to rambling on about nothing in particular whic... [SCRONNCHE!!] Conscious stepping in. The editor has been delt with for his constant blathering about nothing specific. It must be noted that this post was finished prior to his edit here. We, the Id and I, have sent the editor to his happy place to contemplate his faux pas. Should he lose track of himself again he will be delt with, in the harshest manner possible, by his Ego. Thank you for your patronage and we now return you to your regularly scheduled internet. *

I have been working on a research paper for my English Composition class. I decided to do it on (wait for it... wait for it...) Multiple Sclerosis. I have always heard you should write about what you know. The sad thing is that after gathering a good deal of information it turns out the only thing I knew for sure is that I have it and I hate giving myself shots.

On the plus side I am becoming quite knowledgeable about this insidious bastard child of mine. I have been diagnosed with RRMS which is what roughly 85% of people are diagnosed with. I feel fortunate compared to the alternatives. Of course this is not to say that my RRMS will not eventually progress to SPMS but according to what I have found this does not happen with near the frequency it did before the modern treatments came about. I like my odds. Well, to be honest if my odds were a mere 1% better than they were 50 years ago I would still like my odds. I'm crazy that way.

My paper is going to focus on primarily on the effects MS has on cognitive abilities with a side run into the issues of fatigue. I think this is of significant importance to me since I am in school. The ability to remember, recall, problem solve and all that is the first level of abilities one needs to be successful in college. I am at an immediate disadvantage. I have been told that I should go and talk to the people that are responsible for making sure people with disabilities are taken care of. To be honest I am kind of split on this.

On the one hand I don't want to view my MS as a disability (unless I can get that nifty placard that lets me park in the best spots, lol) but I have to come to terms that I am not like I was 20 years ago. There was a time that I could be told something and I had it. Now I am having to work so much harder to just squeak by that I wear myself out just studying for one class much less the three I currently have. I don't much like the idea of people feeling sorry for me. Feel sorry for that man who is out of work with a family to support. On the other side of that coin is the fact that it takes me longer to accomplish what an average student can. Can I quantify it in any meaningful way? I don't think I really can. It is one of those things that is a real bitch to measure under the best of conditions.

I guess I should head over and talk to them. Maybe there is something they can do. If not then perhaps I can start a campus organization for MS. *le sigh* Just what I need.... something else to occupy my already finite time. Between school, taking care of my dad, house chores, yard, driving time and all the incidental stuff (i.e. sleeping, eating, showering) I sometimes feel like I just don't have the time to do everything I need to focus on right now.

pfffft! pfffft! MS can kiss my fat white hiney.

At any rate I don't think I am going to be able to fit all of this information onto a scant 5-7 pages. To be honest I don't think 10 pages would be enough to do it right. I am sure my instructor will count off points for exceeding the 7 page limit. I just would not feel right leaving out any pertinent information. It's not like I am going to cover a ton of material:

- What is MS?
- Sample data relating to getting MS and who usually gets it
- Types of MS
- Symptoms (Short list)
- Fatigue and cognition issues
- How these issues affect people (Main focus/sub focus on myself as a college student)
- Treatment options (Types of drugs and delivery methods)
- Short term and long term goals

I am not sure I will put the goals portion in and I will likely only cover the therapy I am going through (Copaxone). Even stripping/pruning that info there is still a lot of information to discuss. I am not going into tremendous detail but I have to be clear enough for the average person to understand it. So far I am down to Symptoms and I have nearly 5 pages. Probably more like 4.25 when you take out the images (Images, charts and the like do not count towards the paper limit). Screw it. She is going to get a lengthy paper and by god she is going to like it.

A huge upside is that a large number of my classmates have asked for a copy of my paper when I am through so they can better understand what it is I am going through. I might even post it here (in some fashion) so you, the readers, can take a look at it. Then again maybe not. I would not want any of you to find out just how big a goofball nitwit I really am.

I guess I will work on it some more tonight but I have so much other work to do. I skipped math today so I have two sections to read up on and I still have the last of my History after 1877 study guide to complete. I have to finish that by this weekend. I have people in that class who think my study guides are da shizzle, fo shizzle, der whizzle, or whatever. They all want one now. I told them I would have to start charging $37 for each one. They didn't see the humor. They will at least pay for my copy costs. Money doesn't grow on trees you know (thanks mom!). I'm not made of money either (thanks dad!).

Ok, study time it is. Good night all and remember;

If life gives you lemonades ask for a refund or at least try to trade them in for something a little sweeter!

Mike

PS: In case you want a good laugh then pop over to Dr. Horribles Sing-Along Blog. You will not be at all disappointed. Go on. clicky clicky!

My two cents (Other thoughts never made it)....

2009-07-07T15:04:00.003-04:00

As I sit here at the coffee shop drinking my Vanilla-Hazelnut Latte I am looking at some of the information floating around about the MJ memorial service. I am going to add my two cents in and then never speak of it again.

** WARNING: This paragraph will contain language some people may find offensive. Don't read it if you can't handle profanity. I will delete any and all comments referencing my use of profanity. I have the innate ability to wield profanity like Michelangelo wielded paint and I am not afraid to do it. **

I can appreciate that MJ made some great music. Pretty much everything after Thriller was shit. Looked like it, smelled like it and prolly felt like it. He went off the deep end a long time ago and never found his way back. Did he molest kids? To be honest I dunno though I personally think he was a child molesting fucktard. At this time the point is moot. With all of that being said the media, and the public at large judging by the various blog/news story comments, have turned this whole thing into a complete fucking circus. I have given up watching the news because every 10 minutes there is going to be another story about MJ or his mom or his will or his kids or his brothers or his doctors or his possible addictions or his last rehearsal or his music or his coffin or his life or... what the fuck people?!?! Bin laden didn't get this much press in 2001! Say your goodbyes, shed your tears but for the love of all that is holy and right shut the fuck up. We have far more pressing concerns to occupy our time and we really should be focusing on them.

** End rant - Returning you to your regularly scheduled internet. **

Hi to everyone....

2009-07-06T14:26:00.002-04:00

I just wanted to say hello and welcome to those of you that decided to follow my blog, posted comments and/or just stopped by for a read. I am happy that you found something here you like well enough to come by. Feel free to ask any questions you want as I am quite open about who I am. If you find something of particular interest then pass it along and I will check it out. We all enjoy a hearty laugh, a soul cleansing cry or just a "what the hell?" moment.

I will be glad to add to mylist of favorite sites and things I think you should check out. There is a lot i would like to do with this blog but I am not sure that blogspot will be able to let me (Pictures, text documents, etc.). For a techie guy I am pretty green when it comes to the web and the blogosphere. Maybe if I were to take the time and read the help sectionm I will find that I can do all of that here.

Wow. Reading for myself: What a concept!! rofl :)

Anyway, I am trying hard to avoid working on my paper for english comp but I cn't put it off any longer. Take care everyone and remember one unflappable truth:

Love is not finding the things you like about a person but accepting the things you don't like.

Mike

PS: Lonliness sucks!

Why I cry listening to the radio....

2009-07-03T15:02:00.004-04:00

I have been opening the waterworks to the strangest songs on the radio. This would not be a bad thing except I only listen to the radio while I am driving and it makes for a weird scene.

I am male, 6'3" tall, about 290 pounds and drive an F150 (pickup truck for you non truck types). A red one. As I have pointed out, in a comment posted on a great blog (Living Life With Sarcasm, Kids, and MS), I have been doing this and getting some strange stares at stop lights. I mention this because it is helpful to put an image in your head.

Ok, so I was listening to the radio when an Elton John song, Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me, came on. Sure enough about 5 or 6 notes in the tears started rolling. As usual I felt more than a little embarrassed, because we all know real men don't cry (riiiiiight!), but then it hit me. BAM! Another car.... no, not really. I am being reminded of something I had forgotten.

My mom, may she rest in peace, was a huge influence on me and my musical choices. She taught me that all music had something to offer and was worth listening to. Even to the end we both agreed that rap was ok to not like but I have some on my iTunes account and my iTouch (Not to mention Spice Girls, Aqua, and Toni Basil but that's another post). I remember when I was in elementary school and getting ready in the mornings. Mom would fix us some oatmeal (or something that I remember being oatmeal but could have been boiled paper for all I know now) and have the stereo playing. It wasn't always Elton John but it is his music that stands out in my memory.

She seemed to smile more when she listened to him, hum a little and even sing softly to herself. It is this memory that really stands out in my mind and quite possibly why I have a particular affinity for anything done by Elton John. While so much of my childhood is lost in an ever expanding fog these memories stand out in sharp contrast. To be honest I could not swear to you they are real anymore than I can tell you a blackhole is real. To me it is real and that is all that really matters.

My mom died in 2006 after a very long struggle with cancer. The last 8 months of her life was spent confined to a bed set up in the living room so she could be at home living with us instead of relegated to a nursing home or stuck in a back room forgotten. The last 5 months or so she could not speak or move except for a forced smile, the faintest of nods, or the grip of a titan when I would hold her hand. My father and I, along with the angels from Hospice, took care of her. The one thing she loved, even then, was listening to the radio and I do know that when any Elton John tune came on she seemed to lose herself in the music. Perhaps she was remembering something like I did or maybe even a childhood memory of her own came to keep her company for those few minutes.

This is the first part of why I am crying so much lately. I miss her dearly and would give anything to see her one more time. The second part is my MS. I am only 7 months into my diagnosis (Though I believe I have been living with the disease for more than 6 years at this point) and I am having a little trouble coping with the future. The song in question is emotional to me because of the lyrics and they do mean a lot to me.

Lyrics copied from eltonography.com

I can't light no more of your darkness
All my pictures seem to fade to black and white
I'm growing tired and time stands still before me
Frozen here on the ladder of my life

Too late to save myself from falling
I took a chance and changed your way of life
But you misread my meaning when I met you
Closed the door and left me blinded by the light

Don't let the sun go down on me
Although I search myself, it's always someone else I see
I'd just allow a fragment of your life to wander free
But losing everything is like the sun going down on me

I can't find, oh the right romantic line
But see me once and see the way I feel
Don't discard me just because you think I mean you harm
But these cuts I have they need love to help them heal

I guess it is true that each person takes away their own meaning from a song. This song especially reminds me of mom and the struggle I have to face with my MS. She fought her cancer to the very end. She never once said she would lose to it. Even when the meds made her loopy she fought. Regardless of the fact that the cancer was doing things to her she could not control she never gave up. She was a strong woman with a heart the size of the universe even down to that last day. I remember feeding her breakfast (A little bit of scrambled eggs, toast and orange juice). She could not talk but her eyes spoke volumes. There was a fire that burned in those eyes that I am reminded of when I hear songs she loved or would have loved. She lived to the very end.

That is why I am crying right now. I will not give up without a fight. I will not let her down; not now, now ever. MS may be doing things to me that I can not control I will not let MS control my life. I will still live each day as hard as I can and I will do it for myself, for my friends and family but most of all for the memory of my mom. To truly be alive you have to live no matter what your circumstance and to do anything less is giving up.

She didn't.

Why should I be any different?

A must read... if this even gets read :)

2009-07-02T19:38:00.005-04:00

In my browsing of blogs related to MS I came across this site (http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/the_spoon_theory/). If you have a sec go check it out and make sure you actually read the Spoon Theory (written by Christine Miserandino). God bless her for this. There is a store where you can order prints of this as well as a variety of items.

Even if you don't order just read it. Trust me when I tell you that it's worth the effort.

Mike

politics suck....

2009-07-01T15:27:00.001-04:00

I posted this as a comment to a blog post on health care reform. I also forwarded it to Glenn Beck so i thought I wold post it on my blog.
---------------------------------------------------
The only people the President and his mouthpiece might be fooling are the sheeple that blindly voted for him and his socialist policies. The President and the Democrats are only interested in ramming as many changes through Congress as they can before they lose control of the House or the Senate. They have a lot of lost time to make up for and they have put the political engines on warp factor 12. It doesn't matter how much damage they will cause by their spastic attempts; change for the sake of change is as bad as doing nothing at all.

As all of this relates to the health care reform debate all I can say is here we go again. The mainstream media outlets continue to break bones bending over backwards to appease the anointed one. ABC stopped being a credible news source more than 20 years ago and to be honest CBS and NBC were right there with them. Cable news stations are not much better; CNN and Fox are about the only stations I can stomach any more but even they routinely give me pause. I will not even discuss MSNBC and the two charlatans masquerading as news casters (Maddow and Olbermann). Huh, I guess I just did.

The Democrats never met a tax hike they didn't like and the Republicans have been leaning hard towards liberal solutions. Sadly we, the American people, continue to put these thugs, thieves, ne'er do wells, and liars in office then act so shocked that they are doing something we dislike, again. It amazes me to hear people talking about possible tax hikes NOW. Many people I know are just shocked that all of this money the politicians spent has to be paid back somehow. They are mad as hell that all of these government programs, old and new alike, have to be funded from somewhere. The sheeple are just now grasping the fact that citizens pay for these things through the taxes they pay and the sudden realization that it's their taxes is somewhat humorous to see.

I say enough. If you want to get all of your news information from a single source, like CNN, or Fox or MSNBC, then you are just too stupid to be an American. Please turn in your citizenship and move to Iran. If, on the other hand, you have a desire to see this country return to what it should be then stop being a sheeple. Stop being part of the problem and become the solution. Do not let Pelosi, Frank, or even Obama tell you what to think. Stop listening to the talking heads as if they were the next best thing to God, no matter what God you happen to believe in, and for once in your life make up your own mind. Have we gone so far that not only can we no longer do for ourselves but we can't even think for ourselves? Here's a hint, look at where we are for your answer.

I do not have a problem with equal opportunity but I will fight like hell against equal outcomes. You get what you put in and if you give nothing then you should get nothing. I respect your right to be an idiot but I do not want to pay for your lack of self respect or laziness. I do not see African-Americans, Hispanic-Americans, or whites; I see Americans... People... Men and women. I am tired of hearing about how you are being oppressed, or your job is being stolen from you. Get off your duff and do something about it. Sheeple must be led, told what to think, how to think, how to act and live. I am not a sheeple and I am damn proud of that fact. When you look in the mirror what do you see staring back; a person or a barn yard animal. Baaaaa.

MS, research paper and me

2009-06-30T14:02:00.002-04:00

Well, two updates in two days... is this a sign of the apocalypse? I hope not.

I am working on a research paper for my English Comp class. I am going to write about MS and how cognitive abilities are affected. I am confident that I will be able to write about this. I have my outline (Had to pare it down from 4 pages to 2 since the paper has a max length of 7 pages) and started researching some of the information at the National MS Society website. I may be able to pull a good deal of the information from their site which will be nice. They have some links to some additional very helpful information.

If anyone is reading this that could point out some resources they would recommend then please post them in the comments and I will follow up on them. The paper is due in about two weeks so I will have to get on the ball with this one.

On a side note I skipped algebra class today. I just didn't want to put up with the stress of that class today. This is sad because that is the class I am having the most trouble with. I will pay for it tomorrow though.

I did a presentation in English Comp today. It was on a excerpt from Dick Gregory's autobiography. I felt good about that and it went well. Everyone spoke highly about my work. People keep suggesting that I should be a teacher. I have told them there are only two things stopping me; too much education and the fact I hate people (The last one is a joke in case you don't get it).

I like teaching and it was certainly the best part of all the jobs I have ever worked at. Heck, even when I used to teach Sunday School I would go nuts prepping everything for the classes. I just loved it. Maybe... If I didn't have to go to all the trouble of getting a real education I could see myself as a teacher. It would be fun I guess.

Oh well, enough goofing around. I need to go study my math. I can't do it here at the coffee shop so I guess I will pack up and head home. At least there I can put on my jammies and get all comfy and what not. :)

Later all!!

Mike

Why am I here?

2009-06-29T19:03:00.003-04:00

I am not sure anyone even bothers to stop by but to be honest I would not blame people. I just don't post on here near often enough. I have the best of intentions but my follow through is a wee bit lacking.

Anyhoodles, multiple sclerosis update. The Copaxone therapy seems to be really working well. I do have some not so great days. It usually is me being tired and not wanting to do anything but wallow in self pity. There is some pain that comes and goes with the feeling poorly but nothing outrageous. I did notice the other day that the right side of my jaw was a little bit numb (numby?) but that was only for about 48 hours. All in all I would have to say things are still far better now than they were 6 months ago. I am still having a problem with my memory and recall abilities. It seems like I can commit things to memory but I have the devil of a time recalling them later. To be more specific my algebra work at school.

Oh, since I last updated I am in a program to help workers laid off due to jobs moving overseas. They are paying for my schooling so I am back in college for the next two years.

Ok, so I am having a hard time dredging up the info I need to do well on my tests. It's in there but just so hard to recall. It is like it takes my brain 15-20 minutes to get in gear. This is bad when you only have an hour to take a test. I am having a rough time with it. On the upside I finished my A-Term American Government class with a 92 (yay for the A) so I will now have some more time to channel into the algebra. I hope it helps.

Lets see, I am still not smoking. This is great. I am, however, still eating everything in sight. This is not great. I am trying to be more responsible about the food thing but I am failing miserably at it. I am thinking I am going to staple my mouth shut for a week and see what happens. I need to start walking. That would be a huge help but here in South Georgia in the summertime it is horrible. Hot and humid making it miserable on me. Grrrrr, I need to stop finding reasons to not walk and exercise. Someone call me at 4am and make me get my arse in gear!!! lol

Lets see. OH! A friend of mine has gone to Tennessee on a mission program for her church (at least I think that is what it is for). She left on Saturday but I have the address where she will be at. I sent her a letter today and since she won't be there until Wednesday it should be waiting for her upon her arrival.

Sadly with her gone the coffee shop[ is down to one female worker. Don't get me wrong now, the one that is left (I call her Freckles) is wonderful but that only leaves one person to flirt with while I am waiting at the counter for my coffee. On another sad note she will be returning to school in the fall so then there will be none. I would like to think we are friends but I get the feeling she thinks I want something more. I don't.

I used to be a real loner but that has changed. Since my mom passed from cancer, my youngest brother diagnosed with terminal cancer, and my diagnosis with MS I have changed. I would rather have a lot of people in my life who are nothing more than friends, people I have something in common with.... hell, we don't even have to have something in common. People my own age just aggravate me around here. They are interested in drinking and partying. They are closed minded bigots or sexist pigs or "Real Housewives of New Jersey" wannabes. Most of them make me want to puke.

I had a discussion before class this morning with some young kids. I told them my philosophy on life.

Life is too short to be spending time worrying about the small stuff. Hating because of the color of someones skin, their gender or even their religious beliefs is stupid and self defeating. I may disagree with their point of view but I still respect them. I don't hate people I don't know and even those I do know I, at most, dislike. We have a very finite amount of time to do what we are meant to do and to spend that time in any endeavor other than what we are supposed to do leaves life unfinished. For us and the world.

I don't know if they really agree or were just saying they did to appease the old guy. I hope they really do feel that way because until the people in control of this world do we are all in for a world of pain and suffering.

Ok, I am going to get off my soapbox now and return you to your regularly scheduled internet. Take care all and lets hope for an update sooner than a month or two from now!

Mike

le sigh

2009-05-01T11:16:00.002-04:00

Well here we are... nearly a month into my attempt to quit smoking and all is going well. I really have not have a desire to smoke anymore though I do get an urge now and again. On the down side I have been eating more. I know it's just a replacement for the cigarettes but I can't seem to help myself. One would think that since I had the willpower to just put the smokes down I can do the same with the over eating, right? I don't think so. I am not sure what screw I need to tighten down in my skull but I need to find it fast. Anyone have any ideas on how to help with this?

I am now a few weeks into my Copaxone therapy. The injections don't hurt as much (Most likely due to my changing the depth setting on the auto injector) but they are not pleasant either. That I can live with. Now, since about the 4th or 5th day of the injections I have started feeling better. No, not better... great. I feel better now than I have in years. I have more energy and I really am eager to do more than sit in front of the computer or watch tv. I know the smoking thing has something to do with this but the therapy is a huge player in this. People I know with MS and my doctors told me that once I started the therapy I would feel this way. They were not kidding. I have been having some problems with sleeping but not really any more so than before I started the drug. I will have to wait and see how that plays out.

Well, what have I been doing with all this extra energy you might wonder? Yard work with a skosh of house work thrown in for good measure. Cutting grass, cutting down trees, burning piles of grass and limbs, trimming bushes and trees, weed eating.... I could go on but you get the idea. The yard looks better now than it has in years. There was a guy here a few days ago to cut down a dead tree (too close to important, pricey, stuff for me to take a chance with it) and he commented on how great the whole yard looked. *smile* I actually did some more stuff this morning but I broke the weed eater and the edging tool. I decided not to risk running the chainsaw today on the off chance bad things happened to it as well. I still finished trimming three trees, picking up all the limbs and pine cones that fell in the last few days as well as edging about half of the driveway (notice I said half).

Now if I can only find a job. I was laid off from Cooper Tire at the end of march. With my severance I am still getting a paycheck each week through May 15th (meaning my insurance is paid up through May 29th) so I am still ok for a couple more weeks. I have interviewed at several places but either I just didn't get the job or they only had part time spots open. Now I don't want to sound like an ungrateful bore but my unemployment, when it kicks in, will be about $320 a week. Why would I take a part time gig for maybe $90-$100 a week when the unemployment pays out better. I guess I am going to have to seriously start looking outside of georgia. I have submitted my resume to a lot of places through monster and career builder but so far nothing. I am going to have to find something soon. I really don't want to try to survive at all off unemployment. I would rather be working. Anyone have any leads?!

Well, I guess I will go do some laundry now (only one load to do right now) and maybe clean the bathroom... again. Laters!!

Copaxone - Help or Hinder

2009-04-18T07:18:00.003-04:00

Ok, after a much needed argument with my prescription providers pharmacy I finally received my MS medicine, Copaxone. It is a daily injection that I have to do. All I can say is that the first two I did (Thursday and Friday) hurt like hell. That is to say the injection itself did.

I use and auto injector. That helps a lot but let me explain why. Copaxone is injected subcutaneously. This means it goes beneath the skin and not into the muscle. Pretty much the same as with insulin for diabetes. At any rate, you must not inject into the same place so the directive is to rotate through seven different areas (hips, thighs, upper arms and abdomen) over the course of a weeks time. Within each injection area there are multiple spots you can inject.

I started with my left thigh on Thursday night. It hurt... a lot! I think, in part, it had to do with the depth that the auto injector was set to. Yes, there is a depth setting to ensure you don't stick yourself too deeply. I did not suffer any of the other possible side effects as listed in my info booklet so I was happy about that. When I woke up Friday morning I was stiff but I chalked that up to my having been on the lawnmower all day Thursday. I took a couple of ibuprofen and went about my day. I gave myself my injection in my left arm last night. It still hurt but I had adjusted the depth setting a couple clicks more shallow. I may have to go a bit more shallow still. This morning when I woke up I felt like I had been beat with a bat. More ibuprofen in a larger dose. I sure hope it helps.

Now the thing is, muscle stiffness is one of the possible side effects. I can only hope that it is not something that I am going to have to suffer every day. My doctor told me that this, or many of the other side effects, should go away after a time (Couple weeks to a couple months) but the stiffness had better go away. I am not sure I will be my normal happy self if I am stiff all the time. Ok, that's a lie, I am neither normal or happy but that is for a different post.

I guess the short of it all is that I do now have my medication, despite the fact I was supposed to start taking it in early February.... despite the fact my insurance company screwed around with it until March... despite the fact the prescription service screwed around until April... despite the fact I had the basically threaten to obtain an attorney for them to do their job. It seems to me that I spent too much time fighting to get my medicine. I do hope this is not the normal situation for people diagnosed with MS.

I do want to give a nod to the fine people at both Shared Solutions and Chronic Disease Fund. Both of these companies are affiliated with Teva Neuroscience (The maker of Copaxone). Beyond being there to answer my questions both of these groups went well out of their way to help me in dealing with my insurance company. I am not sure I would have my medicine now if it wasn't for their help. A special thanks goes to Jennifer at Shared Solutions. Thank you for following up on my prescription problems. Thanks for just listening to my rants and frustrations about not only the problems with getting my medicine but my worries and fears about my diagnosis.

Well, I think that is all for now. I need coffee and to pack a bag or two. I am going to head to Florida tomorrow morning to visit a long lost cousin (well not really long lost but it just sounds good) and to get away from here for a few days. A mini-vacation if you will. But before I go there is a certain coffee shop I must visit. A certain person I must visit and quite possibly a certain conversation I must have.

Toodles everyone!

Mike

Time to blog and smoking

2009-04-09T12:35:00.003-04:00

Judging by my last post you can see I do not spend a lot of time here. I guess it can be boiled down to simply being that I do not have the desire to. Oh, there are a great many things I can talk about (Like my MS diagnosis, my being laid off from work, stupid insurance companies, state of the economy, my dislike of the president and his fiscal policies, the general dislike of democrats and what they stand for, rise in crime, bailouts and why we don't need them) but I just don't have the desire to. I'm guessing that will change though.

I would like to mention that I am trying to stop smoking. It has been, as of this point, 4 days without one. It's not near as hard as I thought it would be. Perhaps the recent rise in price here in the state of Georgia is making it less painful but we shall see in another week or so. To be honest, I am looking forward to not hearing my doctors ride my arse about it. I know smoking is bad for me and all the reasons I should not do it but the was a method to my madness.

Back in 2002 when my wife and I got seperated I wanted to take up a bad habit; smoking or heavy drinking. Given the fact I used to smoke and having a cigarette before going to work was less likely to get me fired than a bottle of tequilla..... Good, bad or indifferent, meh. Now I am back to quitting again. I wonder how much money I could have saved over the years by not smoking. Really don't want to think about that anymore because it might make me cry.

Anyway, I need to go to the store, out of bread and peanut butter. I will post some more this evening.

Much newness here

2009-02-07T02:21:00.004-05:00

If you are reading this then welcome to my blog. I know it's not much to look at now but I hope that it will soon be filled with musing, idle chatter and the occasional rant. "About what?" you make be asking yourself (I know I am, lol)... well pretty much anything that happens to cross my mind. At any rate, welcome aboard!